Divorce made my wife more sexual? (self.sex)

14 ups - 3 downs = 11 votes

About 3 years ago my wife and I finally divorced after 21 long years of marriage. Both of our children were out of the house and for the most part it an amicable separation. We worked well as a team but the love and spark in our marriage, and we pretty much became roommates. Sex was rather dull, and we'd have it about once a month, wife didn't like it when I pressured her for sex so we only did it when she would initiate.

Well I am 48 and she is 45 and I have to say the divorced life has been good. I know a lot of guys are blind sided by divorce but ours we talked about a good bit prior to getting ball rolling.

Since then I did what a lot of guys would do I went out to enjoy getting laid. Which I have to say is much easier now that I am older. Women around my own age are the easiest to sleep with and are much more eager to please. When I was younger I always thought "am I good enough, will I last long enough." Now the tables have turned. I have had a good bit of blow jobs some that went on for 15-20 minutes. I had anal sex with three of the girls I was seeing. Seems like women in general are more sexual.

I have tried to get with women in their 30's however they are usually looking to start a family and I have no intentions of going through that again.

Well since the divorce sex life has been awesome I have moved about an hour away from where I lived. I don't know how my wife has been doing dating wise. But the dynamic between me and her has shifted.

A while back she started calling me asking to check up on my new place. We start talking later end up having sex, and well my exwife became much more attentive. She will ask me if she did a good job (before I was supposed to be lucky just for having sex), what she can do to make things better. Oh and every time she comes over she is shaved (couple times waxed as well). However, she will never say she is coming over for sex even though that's pretty much all we do. She drives an hour down to my place waxed either in cute underwear or lingerie (before was only on special occasions) and cook dinner with me and then leave.

All the while I have two other girls I am seeing at the same time.

I don't understand why such a shift and why dating is so much easier now. I never was the player type guy, I am not smooth, yet I am still doing good with women.

I know that women outlive men but that's usually in the 70s when that takes effect.

My wife becoming more sexual I am not sure why. Wife and I have no plans on getting back together so trying to "lock me down" doesn't add up. I am thinking she might have fucked another guy and that got her all sexual again?

I don't know and why is dating for me so much easier? ( I am not rich either)

14 comments submitted at 08:43:58 on Jan 8, 2014 by throwaway99913

  • [-]
  • not_an_emu
  • 5 Points
  • 09:20:15, 8 January

My only idea is kind of what happened with me and my ex. We were together for almost two years, but the last 6 months were awful. Lots of fighting and I never wanted sex with him. I started to hate him and treat him like crap so I finally ended it. Later we started talking again as friends and soon enough, we were having sex. It was hotter and more enjoyable. I'm not sure why, but there was no pressure. I could do what I wanted and didn't have to stick around to cuddle or talk. I could fuck and leave. I also knew he was trying to get with another girl and that itself was hot. I know it's fucked up but it was a turn on for me.

It was different but it was the same. We knew each other, knew what we liked, didn't have to talk about anything. We both had an understanding of what it was without having to discuss what was expexted out of each other. No talks about protection or being clean or who not to tell, because we already had that understanding from our previous relationship. You know?

I may not have gotten my point totally across. But I did the same thing, didn't want to be with him but turned around and started only having amazing sex with him. (It got better after we broke up, I was willing to do a lot more and it was just all around more intense.)

Hope that helps!

  • [-]
  • sualsuspect
  • 0 Points
  • 08:47:59, 8 January

Only one person knows for sure why this has happened

  • [-]
  • throwaway99913
  • 3 Points
  • 09:07:06, 8 January

exwife doesn't even acknowledge we are regularly having sex. Even though it's deliberate, she is saying it just "happens" when she comes over.

  • [-]
  • sualsuspect
  • 1 Points
  • 13:44:04, 8 January

I thought what you wanted to know now was what happened to your ex-wife's libido.

  • [-]
  • Paradoxycodone
  • 1 Points
  • 08:57:12, 8 January

Maybe now that you're not tied down, she sees you as more of a free man and less of a needy pet? That, to her, might have kindled some attraction? That's just speculation though.

And I hate to go off topic, but I'm a mid 20s guy who is a little paranoid about being single when I'm older and my social circle has largely disbanded. Where are you meeting the women you're seeing now? Out in the "wild"? Social circle? Online? Work?

  • [-]
  • throwaway99913
  • 1 Points
  • 09:08:55, 8 January

I know a good bit of people and when I was divorced news traveled quickly. So right off the bat I had women that were interested in me and then I just do my best to be friendly around people and I go to some sports bars as well. Online has been pretty good to me as well.

  • [-]
  • marriedscoundrel
  • 1 Points
  • 09:57:46, 8 January

Older women can be a lot more adventurous than younger women. So perhaps that plays a part in it. Plus there's the shift in your attitude - you no longer doubt yourself, you know what you want, and confidence and determination is sexy. You could have had the same results in your twenties with the same attitude. ...Give or take a bit.

As for your wife, as you said during the marriage you were roommates. Passion is a thing that takes work and that's something we often forget as a relationship becomes more comfortable. We just expect that a sex drive towards the person you love should be there, but that isn't always the case.

You being more confident and having sex with other women makes you more attractive in her eyes. Plus since you're not together, she can be freer in her sexual expression, and has something to prove/is subconsciously competing with other women. It's a lot of things you may have had during the dating phase but lost along the way during marriage.

  • [-]
  • rbkc123
  • 1 Points
  • 11:13:17, 8 January

It sounds to me like divorce made you more sexual, why are you confused that the same thing happened to her?

Kind of odd that she is hooking up with you tho. Breaking up with my LTP was definitely good for my sex life but mostly because i found partners who fit me better in that way. But maybe she is thinking the same thing you are, that you have gotten more sexy since the divorce. Can't say i feel this way about my ex, but its certainly possible.

  • [-]
  • The_Alpha_Mail
  • 1 Points
  • 15:27:56, 8 January

It could be you're more of a challenge now that you can sleep with other women and have a life of your own. Some people get off on the chase.

  • [-]
  • Modified_Hackware
  • 1 Points
  • 16:02:29, 8 January

I don't know and why is dating for me so much easier?

Your submission is pretty textbook to be honest. Just, you weren't expecting/aware of it.

/r/theredpill

  • [-]
  • Whichspoon
  • 1 Points
  • 12:38:33, 8 January

Legally bound is a turn off

  • [-]
  • incognitoguy
  • 1 Points
  • 13:08:05, 8 January

Married guy here, mid 40s. First, I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading how its worked out for you. It may be she was taking you for granted.

  • [-]
  • cleanslate03
  • 3 Points
  • 13:35:26, 8 January

And she may have felt he was taking her for granted. Those are moments in a relationship where the parties involved start thinking more about themselves and less about their partners. Couples stop trying because they each feel the other isnt making an effort. Back the obligation out, and you have ppl doing things that please their partners and themselves because they WANT to.

  • [-]
  • klousGT
  • 1 Points
  • 15:05:19, 8 January

You using protection I assume?