My "How-To" Guide for Men on How To Dominate a Woman in Bed ;) (self.sex)

{sex}

4359 ups - 1868 downs = 2491 votes

So inspired from my post in this thread and all the positive responses and comments I received, I've decided put together a beginner's "how-to" for men on how to dominate their women (or vice versa)!

So first off, I'm going to start with what I consider to be general, "gentle" dominating, and then progress to things like "rape"/light BDSM play. I also had some questions on how to do "dirty talk" so I'm gonna add in some suggestions/examples throughout the guide of things you can say (they will be in quotations).

So first things first, PLEASE, PLEASE discuss with your SO before you play, make sure you define your boundaries, and STICK TO THEM. It's always better for her to ask you to take things further later on, than for you to take things too far without her permission and ruin the experience and make her reluctant for her to want to try again! So establish boundaries, come up with a safe word (even if you don't think you need one...fantasies are one thing, actual enactment of them is another, she may not actually enjoy the reality of it once she experiences it so always play safe than be sorry!), and please be respectful of these boundaries. These kinds of activity require a great deal of trust from your SO, so please, please do not violate this trust.

Also, please constantly be aware of yourself and your partner during such sessions. If she appears to hesitate, looks anxious or uncomfortable in her behavior, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Ask her if anything is wrong, MAKE SURE NOTHING IS WRONG. If you have any doubt in your mind, just stop. If she uses the safeword, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Give her a second to relax and decompress. Talk to her about it, get her to communicate what went wrong. Please, please DO NOT continue, even if she says she is okay to get back into it. Just stop for the night. Cuddle instead. And please reassure and ENCOURAGE her to use the safeword.

Another thing I cannot stress enough is that EVERY GIRL IS DIFFERENT, this guide is not an guarantee crowd pleaser, it's from my personal experience, and I'm hoping SOME people will find it helpful/interesting. But this will vary from girl to girl.

Now let's get things started ;)

"Gentle" Dominating

  • Push her against the wall/bed/floor/table. Hold down her wrists (above her head, behind her back, by her sides). Lean your weight against her to create the feeling like you are dominating her body. Push your knee between her legs and roughly spread them wide. "Spread wide for me, sweetheart."

  • Manhandle her. Put your hands all over her as if you can't get enough. Grab her breasts, squeeze her ass. Worship her. "God I love this hot/tight ass of yours". "This hot/tight ass of yours is all mine tonight." "You have the hottest/tightest little body ever." "Your body was made to be fucked by me."

  • Kiss her like you need it to breathe. Grab her chin and pull her mouth to yours, plunge your tongue in her mouth.

  • Run your fingers through her hair and pull gently. Tug her hair so that it forces her to look up at you, give her a sexy smirk, and kiss her roughly.

  • Grind your hips against her, let her feel your arousal pressed against her. "Can you feel how hard you make me?" "Fuck, you make me so hard." "I can't wait to shove this into that sweet pussy of yours." "God I need/want to be inside of you."

Getting more aggressive...

  • Light scratching: Use your fingernails and scratch along her back or lightly dig your nails into her ass.

  • Spanking: Slap her ass. Mix it up, don't just spank her a billion times: spank, rub it with the palm of your hand, grip it with your hand, slap it, etc. "I fucking love your tight little ass". "This beautiful ass is all mine...in fact I think I should leave a mark so you'll remember who it belongs to slap".

  • Biting: Bite her nipples, alternate with licking and swirling your tongue around the nipple.

  • Orgasm Denial: "Do you want to cum?", force her to say yes, then "I want to hear you beg for it." She begs. "Louder". She begs some more. "Good girl..." Proceed to make her come. Or tease her some more... "No I don't think I'll let you just yet..."

  • Forced Orgasms: "I want you to cum NOW." "Come for me, baby." Proceed to make her cum after you say these things. After you've made her come, "Have you had enough?...I don't think you have. I want you to come again for me." "I want to feel you soak my fingers/cock/tongue with your delicious juices". "I fucking love making you come, I think I want to do it again..." Make her cum again.

  • Have sex with clothes on. Ideal if she's wearing a dress/skirt - hike up her dress and fuck her like that. If she has pants, rip them off roughly. Move her panties aside (but don't take them off!) and screw her like that. "Look how wet you're making your panties...what a dirty little slut you are."

  • Make her pleasure you. Force her on her knees and suck you off. "Get on your knees now." "You're going to suck me until I'm satisfied." "Suck me with that talented little mouth of yours."

"Rape"/Light BDSM - So please, please tread carefully with this section, by "rape" I mean CONSENSUAL non-consent, if at any time she says the safe word, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Pay attention to her body language - if it appears like she is not enjoying something or starting to hesitate, STOP IMMEDIATELY, ask her if everything is okay, MAKE SURE THINGS ARE ACTUALLY OKAY. Again, please DO NOT continue if you have any doubts whatsoever. Constantly monitor her and your actions throughout this - remember your boundaries, STICK TO THEM. If you are interested in these activities, find resources and do your research, consult BDSM subreddits. Please, please play safe!!

  • Gagging: Gag her with a piece of cloth, my personal favorite is when my boyfriend fucks me with my panties on, then takes them off, and shoves them in my mouth. (Because your mouth will be gagged, you must have a "safe gesture" as a sign to stop if things get too much.)

  • Bondage: Buy rope, tape, handcuffs, four-poster bed restraints, etc. OR improvise and substitute with a scarf or belt. Tie up her wrists behind her back (then force her to suck you off), tie her to the bed frame and tease her. Safety point: NEVER leave someone tied up alone in a room (if you need to leave to go to the bathroom or anything like that, make sure you can hear her if she calls out to you. NEVER LEAVE SOMEONE GAGGED AND TIED UP.).

  • Degrade her. Call her a dirty little slut/whore/cunt/bitch. "The only thing you're good for is to be fucked/satisfying me." Make her degrade herself "What are you?" "What are you good for?" "You're my slutty little whore. Say it." If she hesitates, punish her with a slap/spank. "Not fast/quick enough. Let's try again. (Repeat the question/your demand)." If you're satisfied, "Good girl" or "That's better." If not satisfied, punish her until she gets it right. Make her call you "Sir" or "Master". Punish her every time she forgets to refer to you as that.

  • In contrast to degradation (as pointed out by you guys!): Praise her for satisfying you so well and being your "good little girl/slave". Tell her how pleased you are with her behavior and how good she's pleased you. Reward her.

Questions are very welcome!! Please also share your own comments that you've found fun in the bedroom!! Thanks for reading and hope you have lots of sexy times ;)

After care. Many of these sessions can be mentally (not only physically) exhausting and draining. So please take care of your partner after - make sure she/he is okay, ask what things they DID NOT like (as well as things they did like), make sure you did not overstep your boundaries. Hug, kiss, hold, cuddle her/him, tell them you love them, etc, etc.

Edit: Thanks so much for the amazing feedback and responses! Please keep them coming and share your experiences so we can all enjoy ;)

A great comment by signhereplease: Make her taste herself. After you finger her put your finger in her mouth, more fingers to add a bit of choking effect.

From LyssaBrisby who pointed out a GREAT perspective for those who are not into the whole degradation scene but who are still exploring their submissive side: Not all submission is to do with "naughty/bad" stereotypes; in fact I think there's a fully parallel stream that is "noble submission," that is, submission as a vaunted and praised act. Every thing I do to submit is because I am a good wife, not a bad/dirty one.

Getting lots of comments about a medium to heavy BDSM how-to guide. Go to http://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMfaq and http://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity for the experts ;)

Due to popular demand: My "How-To" Guide for Men on How To Dominate a Woman in Bed PART TWO!! ;)

Edit 2: Moving choking and slapping over to Part Two as many of you have brought up that it's not considered LIGHT BDSM - instead have added bondage.

EDIT 3: MOST LIKELY MY LAST GUIDE but here it is: PART THREE: My "How To" Guide for Ladies WHILE Their Man is Dominating Them ;)

573 comments submitted at 19:57:40 on Nov 26, 2012 by sodomize_intolerance

  • [-]
  • weavin
  • 129 Points
  • 00:24:50, 27 November

As an Englishman, any of those lines would make me sound like Austin Powers.

  • [-]
  • thesnakeinwoodysboot
  • 99 Points
  • 12:40:02, 27 November

Do I make you hoooooooorny, baby? DO I MAKE YOU RANDY?

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 19 Points
  • 16:04:33, 27 November

I don't know...I dated a British guy who was waaay into dirty talk and it was fucking hot. Hotter than when American guys did it, actually. You never know 'til you try it.

  • [-]
  • moonmuse
  • 2 Points
  • 14:57:07, 26 February

That's hilarious. I I could totally hear it!

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 538 Points
  • 21:57:36, 26 November

Oh my god. The first part of this gave me the biggest ladyboner.

Fuck.

  • [-]
  • SexyGreenAndGold
  • 131 Points
  • 23:36:13, 26 November

Me too - it's times like these I'm super glad I can't get wood... >.>

  • [-]
  • Stumblin_McBumblin
  • 225 Points
  • 00:01:43, 27 November

I can. And I'm at full mast over here.

  • [-]
  • smashing_pumpkins
  • 86 Points
  • 00:46:47, 27 November

Yes, as a male with a penis. I too can confirm i am feeling a thick chub going on.

  • [-]
  • SleeveMonster
  • 77 Points
  • 02:53:45, 27 November

OP, Crusader 2-1 Romeo, read you lima charlie. Reporting antenna assembly extended to optimum height. Over.

  • [-]
  • redgamut
  • 15 Points
  • 04:47:16, 27 November

Sierra Mike, this is Romeo Golf. I've spotted two tangas in your AO. Over.

  • [-]
  • SleeveMonster
  • 15 Points
  • 04:56:49, 27 November

Roger, Romeo Golf. Ex-wife on frequency seven-seven-niner-zero. Move to intercept tangas or scout Echo Whiskey for possibly activity how copy?

  • [-]
  • Ropeburns
  • 3 Points
  • 10:30:45, 30 November

http://www.reddit.com/r/shortwave/

  • [-]
  • gin0zz
  • 2 Points
  • 15:40:25, 19 May

Yea most men have penises

  • [-]
  • SexyGreenAndGold
  • 22 Points
  • 00:03:28, 27 November

Well, you and your mast enjoy yourselves. ;)

  • [-]
  • archerfan
  • 20 Points
  • 00:42:42, 27 November

sploosh!

  • [-]
  • bintan_kubwahid
  • 4 Points
  • 01:16:19, 28 November

good username/comment continuity.

  • [-]
  • fffff567774434
  • 4 Points
  • 23:23:49, 26 November

Right now?

  • [-]
  • pilaretcetera
  • 2 Points
  • 00:36:43, 27 November

first part? more like whole thing!

  • [-]
  • clawclawbite
  • 139 Points
  • 21:12:49, 26 November

Interestingly enough, the bdsm folk I know don't consider choking or face slapping to be light bdsm. Choking has safety issues, especially if you don't know what you are doing, and face slapping often does not generate good reactions with people who enjoy other light bdsm activities.

That said, I do like what you wrote on manhandling and body control.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 38 Points
  • 00:28:05, 27 November

Sorry, you're right -_- I consider myself to be light BDSM, but yes choking and slapping are more on the extreme side.

  • [-]
  • clawclawbite
  • 25 Points
  • 01:29:24, 27 November

For light BDSM head control, I tend to recommend hair pulling instead. If you slide your hand up the back of your partner's head and then make a fist around as much hair as you can, being careful to pull as even as possible, you get a good handle, and pulling that much hair at once tends to be very nice for people who like light BDSM type things done on them.

  • [-]
  • sigma914
  • 2 Points
  • 14:31:07, 27 November

If your hands are big enough that they can wrap up to or more than half way round your partner's neck then I've found that it gets good responses, you can grip lightly with the tips of your fingers/thumb without actually putting any pressure at all on their windpipe.

I'd file this under the light bdsm section, as there isn't any danger inherent to gripping that area of the neck, but definitely do agree that you need to make sure you are actually gripping the musculature that supports the head rather than further forward, where sensitive tissue lies.

Edit: Just to reinterate, pressure on the windpipe/neck arteries is NOT a light activity, and that is NOT what I am suggesting here.

  • [-]
  • Niceguy_With_Glasses
  • 27 Points
  • 01:35:02, 27 November

Please edit the chocking part to at least say NEVER put direct pressure on the throat. I'd also suggest putting in a link to /r/BDSMfaq for those interested in learning more as well as /r/BDSMcommunity for those with questions.

  • [-]
  • asoap
  • 36 Points
  • 03:28:52, 27 November

As someone that is in bdsm. I'm a bit nervous about couples just trying some of this stuff. So I'm going to add it here.

WARNING: some of this stuff is dangerous. Be careful. Become more knowledgable before you ever choke someone. This stuff can cause mental and physical damage. You don't want your gf/wife hating you. You also don't want a cold dead gf/wife. That's not easy to explain. Also I'm sure you will miss them.

  • [-]
  • Niceguy_With_Glasses
  • 4 Points
  • 05:23:55, 27 November

While I totally agree with you I think you'd have to go REALLY far and be really stupid to kill someone. Though of course the risk is there when you go about stuff without knowing what you're doing.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 9 Points
  • 01:40:26, 27 November

Done and done. Thanks for your comment.

  • [-]
  • yawefappin
  • 13 Points
  • 00:51:49, 27 November

Should have known you got here first!

Towards the OP and other readers: I saw the choking advice in the top post and cringed and instantly searched the page... Please don't put pressure on the front of anyone's throat (the trachea is pretty fragile), especially while doing vigorous movement!

  • [-]
  • atomic0range
  • 6 Points
  • 01:29:08, 27 November

Yeah choking's just such a bad idea. Pressing down on the clavicle area gives a similar effect without the risk of murdering your sweetie.

  • [-]
  • jahlove24
  • 2 Points
  • 09:56:07, 27 November

I'm okay with face slapping, but choking is one of my two absolute "NO"s when it comes to sex.

  • [-]
  • PeppermintLNNS
  • 61 Points
  • 00:04:28, 27 November

As someone who likes rough play, my word of advice is to be aware of how often you do it. Switching it up makes your SO crave the other. When I hardly ever had rough sex, it made me so hot. Now I have rough sex all the time and I crave gentle loving. Variety is the spice of life.

  • [-]
  • thismessismine
  • 108 Points
  • 23:20:14, 26 November

A tip for hair-pulling: grabbing smaller bits of hair will make hair-pulling more painful, larger chunks less so. Use that however you will...

And by the way, this is perfect. So hot.

  • [-]
  • beanieb
  • 55 Points
  • 23:49:15, 26 November

Also for hair-pulling... pulling at the base of the hair is less painful, but more forceful and you can have better control than pulling at the ends.

  • [-]
  • underblueskies
  • 23 Points
  • 00:33:44, 27 November

Right. Also I've found that having my hair pulled in a big chunk right at the back of the bottom of my head hurts the least. It's also easy for my fiance to turn my head to nibble/kiss on my neck that way.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 00:39:50, 27 November

Great tip! Thanks!

  • [-]
  • LyssaBrisby
  • 87 Points
  • 22:21:45, 26 November

Great list! I will say though, that the most important thing on it is to talk to your partner. For example, I will happily participate in basically everything on that list except degradation: to me it's never hot, and completely ends a scene. Not all submission is to do with "naughty/bad" stereotypes; in fact I think there's a fully parallel stream that is "noble submission," that is, submission as a vaunted and praised act. Every thing I do to submit is because I am a good wife, not a bad/dirty one.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 79 Points
  • 22:52:04, 26 November

A few weeks ago I tried dirty talk with my wife and and erotically called her my slut.

I immediately felt bad and told her afterward that I was sorry :(

She laughed and said it didn't bother her, so yay.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 43 Points
  • 00:59:10, 27 November

That's adorable.

  • [-]
  • AMBAA
  • 24 Points
  • 22:37:10, 26 November

I agree. I like being called "his bitch" but it would be a major turn off for him to call me a slut..

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 9 Points
  • 00:29:43, 27 November

Absolutely!! Love that perspective about a "good" sub is one who pleases.

  • [-]
  • jeshkah
  • 5 Points
  • 00:59:27, 27 November

This little sub here agrees. :)

  • [-]
  • aphoticinullity
  • 4 Points
  • 22:57:39, 26 November

I wonder if my SO saw it that way if she might have some interest. Hmm.... You might have just helped a bedroom!

  • [-]
  • Phantasmal
  • 23 Points
  • 00:03:58, 27 November

BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadism/masochism.

These can be totally exclusive.

You can have bondage without any of the others. Perhaps as an art or as a sensory experience.

The same is true for the rest.

Not all subs enjoy pain. Not all masochists are submissive.

Service subs enjoy taking care of and doing for their partners. They joyfully take a subservient role and enjoy receiving and fulfilling tasks and expectations. Generally, they expect pats on the head (literal or figurative) and want to be appreciated and valued for their contributions.

It is a totally different sort of thing from a pain slut, that wants to be used and hurt (sometimes harmed but that is generally to be avoided). This might not be submission, in fact some of them prefer to fight back. There may be no sexual contact of any sort.

Discipline and Dominance can be had without sadism. There could be tasks and lessons and failure to measure up could meet with non-painful punishments like sleeping on the floor, going to bed without dinner, pointless tasks like sorting a bag of buttons or writing an essay about why s/he was "bad".

There is room in this label for almost everyone and pretty much whatever they like.

All power play is different and every couple/pair has their own dynamic.

  • [-]
  • aphoticinullity
  • 8 Points
  • 00:29:34, 27 November

Wow, thanks for taking the time out to write all that out! But, I was aware of most of that already. I only said it that way because when I've talked to my SO about it, she just isn't interested and says it's weird or awkward and she couldn't take it serious and would just laugh. I respect that she isn't interested. But I never thought of proposing the scene as a nobility type of thing like Lyssa described. I think that could potentially make her think it isn't as weird or awkward than being dominated.

She would def be a sub though if she were to experiment or venture.

What I am worried about more is conflicting sex drives. Mine says 1-3 times a week, hers says eh once a month is fine.

But I have been trying to offer up different ideas to try and cause more interest, but she has no idea of what she likes and is hesitant to try anything at all.

We are young if you can't tell (19) and have been together for 2 years so we are at the point of seeing where it goes and how to make each other satisfied.

  • [-]
  • Phantasmal
  • 8 Points
  • 00:39:15, 27 November

Well, I suggest that you widen your definition of sex. Perhaps, she could tape herself masturbating for you to "appreciate" later. Or, maybe she could strip for you and give you a lap dance while you jerk off. Or maybe she is fine with more frequent blowjob/handjobs even if she doesn't want vaginal intercourse more often.

She will need to find a way to meet you half way, but you being willing to accept a greater variety of efforts will certainly help.

For me, subbing is like dancing. One partner is leading and the other follows. I like to know what dance we will be dancing and the more times I have danced it, the better I am. But, I happily follow whatever.

You should really try almost everything twice (just in case the first time was shitty for some reason). Sex is silly, so there is no reason to worry about feeling foolish.

Check out mojoupgrade.com. It's a great resource for everything from the mild (handholding) to the extreme.

  • [-]
  • LyssaBrisby
  • 35 Points
  • 23:03:25, 26 November

Good luck! Another way I have phrased it is that I am a Queen -- which means I submit to ONE person, the King. The King has no interest in degrading his Queen because that diminishes him, as well.

Whatever, it works for us. People who do degradation and love it? Cool. Boners for everyone!

  • [-]
  • hi_im_haley
  • 85 Points
  • 22:05:55, 26 November

ladywood.

  • [-]
  • stellarecho92
  • 22 Points
  • 00:33:48, 27 November

Same here. My new partner is just starting to figure out that I like to be (lightly) dominated. I haven't tried the more rough stuff. Maybe after a while. But damn this is good stuff.

  • [-]
  • hi_im_haley
  • 2 Points
  • 00:37:48, 27 November

try slapping them too! i love to slap and scratch

  • [-]
  • ubernell
  • 36 Points
  • 23:52:01, 26 November

This is perfect. I'd love to see a response 'how-to' for the woman side of it, i.e. how to respond to each of these actions. My ex was exactly like the above, and I love submitting, but I wasn't the best at coming up with responses to his demands other than, well, fulfilling them.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 32 Points
  • 00:13:16, 27 November

Ah this is a great point! If there's a great demand for this, I can try to come up with a guide for this as well. Or if there are any other takers out there who want to help out :)

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 7 Points
  • 01:37:44, 27 November

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 3 Points
  • 20:57:45, 27 November

If you say so ;) PART THREE: My "How To" Guide for Ladies WHILE Their Man is Dominating Them ;)

  • [-]
  • ubernell
  • 8 Points
  • 00:17:04, 27 November

Some help before Saturday maybe! ;) C'mon Sexxit!

  • [-]
  • IamSam12345
  • 4 Points
  • 01:44:40, 27 November

please!!!!! Your list is amazing, I want some tips too!

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 3 Points
  • 20:58:06, 27 November

If you say so ;) PART THREE: My "How To" Guide for Ladies WHILE Their Man is Dominating Them ;)

  • [-]
  • ireallywanttoknow1
  • 6 Points
  • 01:47:58, 27 November

I also demand this!

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 20:57:56, 27 November

If you say so ;) PART THREE: My "How To" Guide for Ladies WHILE Their Man is Dominating Them ;)

  • [-]
  • ireallywanttoknow1
  • 7 Points
  • 01:18:56, 27 November

I would like this too. Always looking for tips and pointers.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 20:58:21, 27 November

If you say so ;) PART THREE: My "How To" Guide for Ladies WHILE Their Man is Dominating Them ;)

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 3 Points
  • 20:57:04, 27 November

How could I deny you? ;) PART THREE: My "How To" Guide for Ladies WHILE Their Man is Dominating Them ;)

  • [-]
  • Feral_P
  • 46 Points
  • 20:43:21, 26 November

As someone who's pretty inexperienced, and with a girl who likes it 'rough', I find this useful - thanks! Keep adding to it :)

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 6 Points
  • 20:45:36, 26 November

I'm so glad!! :)

  • [-]
  • natsin
  • 569 Points
  • 20:43:30, 26 November

Oh god. This is perfect. I'm commenting on here, so that my boyfriend will read this when he sees my post history.

Babe, save this.

  • [-]
  • HeyLolitaHey89
  • 41 Points
  • 01:03:59, 27 November

Thia is exactly why I'm going to comment in here. Haha looks like a lot of ladies are doing the same thing.

I KNOW you can see this, Redditor boyfriend!

  • [-]
  • Kruse
  • 14 Points
  • 05:46:05, 27 November

;)

  • [-]
  • HeyLolitaHey89
  • 22 Points
  • 06:09:20, 27 November

ITT: Learn which Redditors are dating each other, and also a bit about their sex life.

  • [-]
  • in_hell_want_water
  • 3 Points
  • 16:01:29, 27 November

I know! This exchange is adorable!

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 07:05:18, 27 November

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 89 Points
  • 20:45:03, 26 November

Wishing you and your boyfriend the sexiest of sexy times :)

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 38 Points
  • 22:30:53, 26 November

After reading this post, we most certainly will ;)

  • [-]
  • solidcat00
  • 19 Points
  • 03:04:25, 27 November

I love your love. tear

  • [-]
  • localmode
  • 410 Points
  • 20:52:24, 26 November

Babe, instead of spying on your GF, teach her how to save posts.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 187 Points
  • 22:32:30, 26 November

It's not really spying when we both do it to each other and comment to each other about it. And besides, what good does her saving the post do? I'm the man, and this is a man's guide, so I should save it. Just like she told me to.

  • [-]
  • GenericNSFWaccount
  • 330 Points
  • 23:15:46, 26 November

> Just like she told me to.

Sounds like you've got a long road ahead of you with this whole dominating thing ;-)

  • [-]
  • ObsidianOrangutan
  • 76 Points
  • 00:03:30, 27 November

Its meta-dominance

  • [-]
  • natsin
  • 41 Points
  • 00:04:05, 27 November

I'm older than him and more experienced sexually, so I'm usually the one in charge. Haha that's why I want him to save this and change it up ;)

  • [-]
  • GeorgeOlduvai
  • 11 Points
  • 10:43:33, 27 November

RES + using the account switcher will allow you to save the post for him, on his account. When he looks something up...he'll find it. Some may call it passive-aggressive, I call it subtle.

  • [-]
  • kittykels420
  • 8 Points
  • 23:33:26, 26 November

I usually just text message him the link ;)

  • [-]
  • xabe13
  • 10 Points
  • 01:53:58, 27 November

Better idea. Usually, passive-aggressive hints get overlooked by us guys. Be more direct, some guys enjoy that.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 23 Points
  • 22:31:12, 26 November

Duly noted babe ;)

  • [-]
  • whatgetsyouoff
  • 29 Points
  • 22:51:28, 26 November

Now run off as fast as you can to the hardware store and buy yourself some rope, duct tape, clothespins and a ping pong paddle. If it's anything like my boyfriend's experience last weekend, they'll know why.

  • [-]
  • ObsidianOrangutan
  • 2 Points
  • 00:04:07, 27 November

And deep heat (for after)

  • [-]
  • CottonKandii
  • 2 Points
  • 01:20:49, 27 November

Posting here for the same reason. Unf~

  • [-]
  • gingerbeefs
  • 19 Points
  • 21:24:32, 26 November

Jesus Christ. Whew. Um yes to all this.

  • [-]
  • Xmaspast
  • 33 Points
  • 00:55:11, 27 November

Serious question, can we get a guide on how women could dominate men in bed?

  • [-]
  • MangoBitch
  • 3 Points
  • 05:04:59, 27 November

If OP doesn't do it, I might take a stab at it tomorrow.

  • [-]
  • redmagicwoman
  • 6 Points
  • 23:29:02, 27 November

Something something knife play pun.

  • [-]
  • ADoodle
  • 3 Points
  • 07:39:48, 27 November

I second this request, on behalf of the ladies who date guys who are switches / GGG subs.

  • [-]
  • signhereplease
  • 42 Points
  • 21:04:57, 26 November

Great list! Can think of another one that I really like. Make her taste herself. After you finger her put your finger in her mouth, more fingers to add a bit of choking effect.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 12 Points
  • 21:18:39, 26 November

Great addition! Mmmm can't believe I forgot about that one!

  • [-]
  • Godot_12
  • 36 Points
  • 00:48:32, 27 November

Male here. I just don't think I can do those things. I could do some of them like the first section, but I don't think I could say any of the degrading things or do the choking bit. Not saying it's wrong if you like that stuff, but damn that's an instant boner-killer for me. Calling her a dirty whore or saying the only thing she's good for is fucking me just makes me queasy even if it is just pretend...

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 22 Points
  • 00:57:08, 27 November

Understandable, which is why I broke them down into sections on what I think would be levels of enjoyment. Definitely not a fetish for everyone. Sometimes sweet talk but with aggressive actions is sexy as hell.

  • [-]
  • whatgetsyouoff
  • 12 Points
  • 22:49:19, 26 November

My "safe gesture" for roleplay or scenes with gags involved, since I prefer to be tied up and unable to actually make any kind of signal, is the standard (at least I think it's standard) three "throat noises" - that "mm mm mm" kind of sound.

  • [-]
  • ireallywanttoknow1
  • 2 Points
  • 00:33:40, 27 November

As someone else who likes to be tied up and gagged, I use the triple 'mmm' also. He always gets the message.

  • [-]
  • All7hatRemains
  • 68 Points
  • 21:44:02, 26 November

I need to go to church...

  • [-]
  • CantStopStaring
  • 52 Points
  • 23:38:49, 26 November

Just get on your knees five times for a girl named Mary, and say ten Whos-Your-Daddy's

  • [-]
  • 10malesics
  • 13 Points
  • 23:33:32, 26 November

Let's go. I really enjoy fucking in them.

  • [-]
  • ireallywanttoknow1
  • 11 Points
  • 00:29:45, 27 November

Reading this makes me appreciate my husband so much! He loves doing most of the above mentioned things to me, plus more.

  • [-]
  • Baldazzer
  • 150 Points
  • 20:56:54, 26 November

TIL: I'm fucking great at dominating girls. I did more than half of these bullet points last night, and the rest I did in the past month at least.

Sources: Ex really enjoyed BDSM.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 58 Points
  • 21:04:05, 26 November

You're a champ...or my boyfriend...

  • [-]
  • A-Lav
  • 29 Points
  • 22:31:42, 26 November

> Ex really enjoyed BDSM.

Doubt he's yours

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 5 Points
  • 00:41:12, 27 November

Some people have a hard time letting go. It's not healthy and she should seek help. JK, her BF is probably someone else and that girl isn't crazy. Probably.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 13 Points
  • 01:56:20, 27 November

Hey, hey, haven't you heard it's the crazies that have the best sex ;)

  • [-]
  • YT4LYFE
  • 5 Points
  • 12:56:48, 27 November

confirmed.

  • [-]
  • eyesonly_
  • 10 Points
  • 22:08:59, 26 November

Much like fixing a computer, pleasing women is an important life skill to have.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 11 Points
  • 23:48:18, 26 November

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 16 Points
  • 00:19:34, 27 November

You have no reason to feel lame AT ALL. Like I said, this is DEFINITELY NOT something that is going to get everyone off. And I'm definitely no expert for those who have experienced previous abusive relationships. All I can stress is that if you experiment with domination which may be a potential trigger for past negative experiences is to make sure you are ready. And make sure your partner knows about your past so they can be extra careful.

The only advice I can give (and again I have zero experience in this) is just it's not necessary to view this in the perspective of "being dominated". It can be framed as a situation in which your partner enjoys you so much that he can barely contain himself with his need for you. The first section on "gently dominated" I think can definitely been viewed with this perspective.

Overall, it's just something you're not into, then that's that. There are PLENTY of other fun kinky things to do in the bedroom than this ;)

  • [-]
  • Tipperz
  • 9 Points
  • 00:33:53, 27 November

Although I'm not the OP, I've been through an abusive relationship and now enjoy a healthy sex life in which I am submissive. My advice is take it slow, talk about what you want to try, and do not hesitate to use a safe word.

When we first started, we spread the conversation over a couple of weeks so that I didn't say I wanted something just because I saw my SO wanted it. Along with the safe word, it is really important your SO is prepared to monitor your reactions. I have a tendency to try to deal with something I don't like because my SO enjoys it, but he doesn't let that happen. After care for us consisted of discussing everything we tried and how it made both of us feel.

In the beginning, it was rocky, but after a while I was able to relax and enjoy it completely. Now we only really need to discuss if we're trying something new. It was one of those things where we had to really carefully test the waters rather than jumping in with both feet.

  • [-]
  • Bletz
  • 8 Points
  • 23:46:24, 26 November

I'd imagine it would go down like like this for me.

Gf: "ouch, stop, wtf are you doing?"

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 3 Points
  • 00:20:10, 27 November

You know your girlfriend the best...but then again you might be surprised...

  • [-]
  • meeplepie
  • 6 Points
  • 01:31:16, 27 November

TIL I've been dominated sexually for almost 6 years without realizing it! I have almost all of those suggestions done to me on a regular basis and it is amazing. I guess that explains why my fiancé is the sexiest and most satisfying man I've ever been with. I just didn't realize that this is why! Dammit, why did I read this while he is working nights??

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 3 Points
  • 01:33:14, 27 November

Text him your dirty thoughts. Make him suffer too ;)

  • [-]
  • sparklymidnight
  • 13 Points
  • 21:39:20, 26 November

Excuse me while I....um....wow. Definitely saving this for later!

  • [-]
  • littlemermaid2me
  • 10 Points
  • 23:42:49, 26 November

Le sigh... I wish my BF subscribed to r/sex. This is a nice, concise list of things which leave me a quivering puddle of female flesh.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 9 Points
  • 00:21:00, 27 November

Tell him!! :)

  • [-]
  • beanieb
  • 7 Points
  • 23:47:33, 26 November

If he's on Reddit, why not just send him the link? Communication is always good, and if you think this would be pleasurable, you all should try it!

EDIT: You could always send him the link even if he's not on Reddit... :)

  • [-]
  • Kataly5t
  • 9 Points
  • 00:03:55, 27 November

"I think I should leave a mark so you'll remember who it belongs to <slap>" I'm definitely taking this one away :P

  • [-]
  • AMBAA
  • 5 Points
  • 22:26:27, 26 November

This post makes me love and appreciate my significant other so much.

  • [-]
  • PoorBoysAmen
  • 5 Points
  • 23:21:42, 26 November

Damn, I need to speak up more. I know it works, I just feel cheesey saying those things.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 00:41:32, 27 November

Understandable. It's always awkward to be like "Hey babe, I want to be your sex slave for the night" but trust the outcome is so worth it :)

  • [-]
  • sushimi711
  • 4 Points
  • 22:54:18, 26 November

No whipping on the list? I like it when my boyfriend uses his belt on me every now and then. But TYVM for this list =)

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 7 Points
  • 00:40:39, 27 November

This needs to go in the medium to heavy BDSM how-to guide ;)

  • [-]
  • ireallywanttoknow1
  • 3 Points
  • 00:32:46, 27 November

I agree. My husband's implement of choice is my wooden hairbrush. It can leave some mean marks/bruises. But that is probably a little extreme for newbies.

  • [-]
  • killertofuuuuu
  • 4 Points
  • 00:28:23, 27 November

am I pathetically vanilla if I am only turned on by the first part (gentle domination)?

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 11 Points
  • 00:37:31, 27 November

Not at all! Some people will probably not be turned on by any of it...this is just one fetish!

  • [-]
  • Nizzleson
  • 2 Points
  • 07:13:46, 27 November

Nah, that did it for me too.

I think I'd like to start the wife at section 1 and see what happens.

  • [-]
  • GeneralGlobus
  • 4 Points
  • 01:01:25, 27 November

One point on the forced orgasms part: to take it a bit further you might want to play with "anchoring" the orgasm with something - a word (emphasising NOW as suggested), or a special way of touching (think the Vulcan nerve pinch, but unique to you :-)). When done a couple of times the feelings associated with the orgasm will be tied to that word or touch and can be used to elicit them in other situations or enhance those happening naturally.

  • [-]
  • opheliatic
  • 3 Points
  • 01:25:05, 27 November

Well... I'm extremely turned on at work again. Thanks, reddit.

  • [-]
  • mistoroboto
  • 5 Points
  • 05:00:41, 27 November

I noticed you didn't put this in here but its worth noting for anyone wanting to tread into BDSM territory. Common safe words can be something that has scaling/varying effect to be most effective communication such as using street stop light colors to indicate to keep going (green), slow down (yellow) or stop (red). They don't have to be those words specifically, but regardless what they are, they need to be agreed upon ahead of time and double check with your partner just beforehand to be sure.

  • [-]
  • ImAFuckinUnicorn
  • 16 Points
  • 20:18:57, 26 November

Have you ever considered a career as a porn director?

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 15 Points
  • 20:43:12, 26 November

You flatter me.

  • [-]
  • operratic
  • 10 Points
  • 22:29:17, 26 November

My rule of thumb is that I just kind of let myself enjoy being perverted. You know, like if I feel like licking her face or biting her skin, I just do it (not too hard on the biting, of course). Sometimes I'll even stick my tongue in her nose while kissing her (I actually enjoy doing this to some girls) and holding her head in place so she can't squirm too much once she realizes what I'm doing. :-)

I'd say the essence of dominating is, within limits of course, that in the moment it is all about you and what you want. (S)he is your oyster and you just do what you will. I made a girl give me about half an hour to 45 minutes of the awesomest anal rimming that way ... cause that's what I wanted, so that's how it went down :-)

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 00:31:37, 27 November

Yup, this can come naturally to a lot of people. I created the guide for those who are interested but are a bit unsure of how to go about expressing their desires. We need to help our fellow redditors looking to get kinkier ;)

  • [-]
  • Fortecor
  • 6 Points
  • 20:42:40, 26 November

You are amazing. I loved this. I've done most of this but this helps to hone the skill. Thank you very much.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 3 Points
  • 20:47:10, 26 November

:)

  • [-]
  • Hulkbuster8807
  • 3 Points
  • 23:46:17, 26 November

After reading this post I now realize that I am pretty aggressive in bed. Good to know

  • [-]
  • gpustarfi
  • 3 Points
  • 01:30:33, 27 November

I would like the next guy I sleep with to read this.

  • [-]
  • PeteTzah
  • 3 Points
  • 01:50:22, 27 November

A good read, especially when combined with masturbation.

  • [-]
  • dahraziel
  • 3 Points
  • 02:51:00, 27 November

Excellent post OP :) And saved

  • [-]
  • JshMcDwll
  • 3 Points
  • 02:53:07, 27 November

Well, time to fap...

  • [-]
  • iatethebeaver
  • 3 Points
  • 03:04:31, 27 November

Late to the party. But when choking a safe gesture may be needed since safety words can't be said!

  • [-]
  • worshipmeow
  • 3 Points
  • 03:21:46, 27 November

This is so hot. My imagination is running wild. Unf.

  • [-]
  • araciel
  • 3 Points
  • 03:40:35, 27 November

That gentle dominating is foreplay......

  • [-]
  • accioreddit
  • 3 Points
  • 04:10:14, 27 November

r/sex seriously delivering right now, ladyboners all over the place

  • [-]
  • 57BERN
  • 3 Points
  • 23:24:22, 28 November

>Another thing I cannot stress enough is that EVERY GIRL IS DIFFERENT, this guide is not an guarantee crowd pleaser, it's from my personal experience, and I'm hoping SOME people will find it helpful/interesting. But this will vary from girl to girl. Now let's get things started ;)

I'm so glad that you included this part because while most of this sounds great, if my SO started with the degradation kind of stuff I would be more inclined to slap him than be turned on :P

  • [-]
  • erbalife
  • 3 Points
  • 02:05:51, 17 January

Really, really hot, but I personally hate being degraded in bed. No, I'm not your dirty little slut, I'm a lady and you will treat me as such!

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 3 Points
  • 08:41:49, 24 February

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 16:43:24, 24 February

Haha, that's awesome! Hope you both still had a good time though, at the very least hopefully you're both now in the direction of that kind of play and you can get creative together ;)

  • [-]
  • IAMTHEKINGOFCHINA
  • 3 Points
  • 16:31:11, 7 May

I know this is very late on:

With the orgasm denial/forced orgasm - How do you know when is on the edge of orgasm?

I feel like I might be like: "do you want to cum?"

and she will reply: "uh, not yet"

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 01:46:27, 9 May

Be in tune with your partner's body language - does she tense up, moan more or make certain noises, thrash around, grip you harder, etc. when she is about to cum? Paying attention to these cues will help you know when she is on the edge.

Also, another thing is to just ask her to tell you when she's close to cumming. Let your partner be aware of what you want to do (some people are not into orgasm denial/forced orgasm), you can give it as a command/order if you don't want to break the dynamic/scene, i.e. "You're only allowed to cum when I say so/give you permission. And you're going to tell me exactly when you're on the edge. Do you understand?/Is that clear?" (for orgasm denial). Or "I'm going to make you cum over and over until I'm satisfied with you. And you're going to tell me every single time you cum. Do you understand?/Is that clear?" (for forced orgasms).

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 8 Points
  • 01:05:07, 27 November

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • clawclawbite
  • 18 Points
  • 01:33:26, 27 November

If you do bondage, make sure to not leave the area. You can't notice if your partner is not reacting well if you are not there, and if something goes wrong, you are not there. Solo bondage is risky.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 12 Points
  • 01:36:35, 27 November

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 7 Points
  • 01:40:35, 27 November

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 01:49:50, 27 November

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • yrarwydd
  • 7 Points
  • 02:03:08, 27 November

On the tying up thing: this is definitely not for everyone.

I know if that was done to me, I'd feel fucking horrible, and not turned on at all. I want to at least know I'm good enough to keep your attention while you make me a filthy whore.

  • [-]
  • ireallywanttoknow1
  • 3 Points
  • 01:46:47, 27 November

I agree with the others. Don't leave her unattended. My husband will go sit quietly in a chair in the bedroom for a period of time. He will be completely quiet, and not answer me. This creates the desired affect. Totally builds the anticipation.

  • [-]
  • wakeupchoi
  • 9 Points
  • 20:36:54, 26 November

This is great jerkoff material

  • [-]
  • verrazano
  • 6 Points
  • 02:17:05, 27 November

Am I the only female here not turned on by this?

  • [-]
  • CricketPinata
  • 6 Points
  • 03:28:39, 27 November

No, people are turned on by different stuff, you're not alone.

Some girls get off on being dominated in bed, some girls get off on being dominant, some girls aren't really interested in either partner really taking control of the situation and leading it. It all depends on what you're happy with with your partner.

Everyone is unique, and has their own set of interests and turn ons.

  • [-]
  • subarusumeragi17
  • 2 Points
  • 22:02:40, 26 November

I've passed this along to my husband. I'm hoping he will try!

  • [-]
  • skeletalbones
  • 2 Points
  • 22:24:27, 26 November

This is really hot and I am really turned on by a lot of this. Wow.

  • [-]
  • crunknizzle
  • 2 Points
  • 22:30:18, 26 November

Well, I know what I am sending my boyfriend right now.

Great post =)

  • [-]
  • kmv2005
  • 2 Points
  • 23:07:18, 26 November

Holy Sex Gods, thank you for posting this!

  • [-]
  • ConsultMyCat
  • 2 Points
  • 23:26:37, 26 November

Sweet jesus, yes. All of it. I just sent this to my husband. This is excellent, thank you for posting it, OP!

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 00:49:52, 27 November

I am now fully torqued.

  • [-]
  • Werewolfgirl34
  • 2 Points
  • 01:11:59, 27 November

That was so hot...

  • [-]
  • eden_sc2
  • 2 Points
  • 01:50:27, 27 November

Don't be afraid to mix and match between the levels here. Just because you aren't ready for all of the third part, doesn't mean you cant use parts.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 02:16:05, 27 November

Thank you so much for this! I've been having trouble explaining what I want to the guy I'm seeing, so I just sent him this list :)

  • [-]
  • callitparadise
  • 2 Points
  • 04:14:13, 27 November

Um. I love all of these. ALL of them. Except for the part about plunging his tongue into my mouth. That can get a little weird sometimes. But bravo on this, so awesome.

  • [-]
  • kinkyvargasgirl
  • 2 Points
  • 04:18:41, 27 November

I wasn't planning on getting off before bed.

So much for that.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 2 Points
  • 04:21:46, 27 November

Have a good one ;)

  • [-]
  • bluntgum
  • 2 Points
  • 05:12:05, 27 November

Would I be right that the whole BDSM dominance thing would be scary for a girl if it was her first time?

  • [-]
  • CricketPinata
  • 2 Points
  • 07:04:50, 28 November

It depends on the girl. But yea, generally most virgins probably don't want to have their first encounter being BDSM session, and communication is at the heart of any caring and loving relationship.

Usually more explicit stuff in a relationship is stuff that has to be worked up to, if it happens at all.

If you mean the first time trying it, and not the first time having sex. Probably not, it's probably more exciting if anything, depending on what you've discussed and what your partner feels they are ready for.

  • [-]
  • drhomeboy
  • 2 Points
  • 05:13:52, 27 November

All of this advice is fantastic! From a previous Reddit post, I decided to try the whole "Orgasm Denial" advice when I was staying at a hotel with my girlfriend this past weekend. She is typically the type that is quite reserved in bed but by making her beg for it, teasing her, and being way more aggressive and dominant, it drove her insanely wild and I can honestly say that it was some of the best sex we have ever had. She loved it.

  • [-]
  • koshercowboy
  • 2 Points
  • 07:10:52, 27 November

I'm sick of being the dominant one.. How can I get women to be dominant to me in bed?

  • [-]
  • clawclawbite
  • 2 Points
  • 16:57:36, 27 November

Ask?

  • [-]
  • stefie413
  • 2 Points
  • 07:41:25, 27 November

I want to see a how-to for women to dominate men!

  • [-]
  • ProjectD13X
  • 2 Points
  • 11:43:56, 27 November

Girlfriend stalks my reddit occasionally, she'd love some of this

  • [-]
  • FoodBeerBikesMusic
  • 2 Points
  • 14:23:31, 27 November

OK, this might as well be in Martian. It makes no sense to me.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not judging or condemning, I just don't understand it. I'm trying to understand it, since I think my partner may want to go there, but it baffles me - its completely foreign.

Yeah, ok, I get that sometimes it's nice to surrender control to your partner, and I can understand edginess in being "helpless"...I even understand the "trust" aspect.

To me, it's all about the connection, the affection, the tenderness, the intimacy. This is not that.

Explain like I'm five.

Plot Twist I'm a guy.

  • [-]
  • sodomize_intolerance
  • 3 Points
  • 15:41:24, 27 November

Understandable, some people are just never going to be into this sort of thing, it is kind of a fetish. That being said, I think there is an amazing connection to give control, it indicates a high level of trust, intimacy and security that you feel in the relationship to let go, and fully believe that your partner is able to take you to extreme sexual highs. Another way of looking at it is from a "passion" perspective, dominating behavior shows a sort of primitive, animalistic drive that you just can't help but ravage your partner because you're so turned on by them. A lot of women dig this and it makes them feel very, very desirable. This post was actually created from my original response to an Askreddit thread asking What does your man do that makes you feel like a Goddess in bed.

  • [-]
  • mrperez82
  • 2 Points
  • 16:00:48, 27 November

Me: Who am I? Her: My master. Me: Who are you? Her: I'm your bitch.

I love hearing them words when I have sex with my S/O.

  • [-]
  • FlashF0x
  • 2 Points
  • 23:26:42, 27 November

I've always happened to have this kind if urge inside of me to do these things during sex. I've always been the guy that's energetic, rough, and flirtatious. I have more of a problem being gentle, more than anything. But I've found out I just need to have the kind of girl that just likes this kind of sex naturally to. It's happened with a few partners and they ended up being my best sexual partners. Others didn't work so well because I'm really sweet and nice on the outside, but very dark and dominating in the bedroom. It throws the ladies off.

  • [-]
  • iksnail
  • 2 Points
  • 08:51:55, 28 November

i feel people forget dominant girls exist :/

  • [-]
  • PinkSlimeIsPeople
  • 2 Points
  • 12:29:50, 17 December

I know this thread is 20 days old, but I'd like to add that for some reason, women that are quite dominant really appreciate being submissive while making love.

  • [-]
  • saltinyourwound
  • 2 Points
  • 03:17:50, 29 January

I think I just came...

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 2 Points
  • 15:53:19, 5 April

hot damn

  • [-]
  • blucherie
  • 2 Points
  • 13:57:54, 10 April

yes. this.

  • [-]
  • wip3r
  • 2 Points
  • 12:08:04, 30 April

"Tie up her wrists behind her back (then force her to suck you off)" that is to me some of the hottest...

  • [-]
  • khopkins91
  • 2 Points
  • 02:50:09, 16 May

How to dominate...great thread