You're on a date, when some guy comes over and starts flirting with your date: is there an acceptable way to tell them to go away? (self.AskMen)

AskMen

222 ups - 55 downs = 167 votes

Basically self-explanatory. I ask since I've had this happen once or twice. You're on a date, some asshole comes over, starts flirting with your date. Your date appears unreceptive, but also too polite to tell them to go away.

Is there a way to tell them to fuck off without seeming like an overpossessive asshole, especially on the first few dates?

Assume that the person clearly is hitting on your date and is not just making conversation.

268 comments submitted at 23:19:21 on Jan 17, 2014 by tubefox

  • [-]
  • Shoelucky
  • 51 Points
  • 01:34:34, 18 January

I believe if she doesn't stop him and tell him 'Sorry I'm on a date right now' you may as well let him take her. You shouldn't have to say a thing.

  • [-]
  • bunkymutt
  • 18 Points
  • 05:38:17, 18 January

Female here. This is the correct answer.

  • [-]
  • InvestigatesRabbits
  • 33 Points
  • 08:20:48, 18 January

If I were on a date and a guy came up and started hitting on me I would be really confused and not have any idea how to respond. Does that really mean I'm not worth dating?

  • [-]
  • CAGE_RAPE
  • 16 Points
  • 09:03:42, 18 January

No, her opinion is no more valid than anybody else's just because she's a woman. She's a woman. She can't speak for how all other women think or should behave.

Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I can speak on behalf of my entire gender on a subject.

  • [-]
  • relevant84
  • 8 Points
  • 12:46:08, 18 January

This guy actually does speak for me.

  • [-]
  • fatlace
  • 4 Points
  • 14:02:30, 18 January

Me neither.

  • [-]
  • nutsaq
  • 6 Points
  • 14:11:14, 18 January

Now I'm confused.

  • [-]
  • AgentDL
  • 5 Points
  • 14:41:11, 18 January

To be honest, it would be a major concern for me if you had no idea how to handle the situation by politely shutting him down. To me, this means that you lack social awareness (the ability to read people and understand social situations), or you lack assertiveness, which are both huge turnoffs for me. If you can't get a guy to stop flirting with you right in front of me, how can I expect you to do it any other time?

  • [-]
  • bunkymutt
  • 1 Points
  • 15:22:29, 18 January

Yes. And similarly, I want to be with a man who expects me to be able to put my foot down and take charge of a situation. If either of us is fine with another person flirting with me in the middle of my date, that's not a person I want to pursue a relationship with.

  • [-]
  • AgentDL
  • 2 Points
  • 15:28:36, 18 January

Agreed, which is why I believe the only acceptable answer is to let the woman handle it. The guy shouldn't have to step in. If the girl I'm seeing doesn't shut other guys down (no matter what the reason), I'm gone.

  • [-]
  • Tomatoknight
  • 2 Points
  • 11:07:23, 18 January

Well sure you'd be confused for the first like ten seconds, it's natural because who is that guy anyway? But are you saying you would be unable to figure out someone is hitting on you while you're on a date? In a minute? In two? In five?

  • [-]
  • UnbelievableRose
  • 2 Points
  • 11:37:08, 18 January

I can identify twice in my life when I knew a guy was hitting on me. One involved getting my number and one involved asking if the ring on my left ring finger meant anything (it didn't). I'm not socially incompetent either, I just don't get hit on enough to readily identify it.

  • [-]
  • Tomatoknight
  • 3 Points
  • 12:43:42, 18 January

Really? Like you're on a date and a guy stranger suddenly butts in and talks to you ignoring your date, and you think it's normal and he's not hitting on you?

  • [-]
  • bunkymutt
  • 1 Points
  • 15:28:33, 18 January

Okay, what if a friend came up and started talking to you? Wouldn't you say something like "hey, I'd love to talk with you more later but I'm on a date right now"? Whatever the reason the date is interrupted, if the attention is focused on you by a third party, I believe it's your responsibility to politely decline conversation and focus on your date.

  • [-]
  • helianto
  • 3 Points
  • 08:26:50, 18 January

Female - yes. This. Women who are too "nice" to reject a guy - well, then how can you ever trust what they say to you? Will they always lie to avoid conflict? Will they always silently suffer rather than tell you what they really want? Not a good sign.

  • [-]
  • dJe781
  • 5 Points
  • 09:14:51, 18 January

> Will they always lie to avoid conflict? Will they always silently suffer rather than tell you what they really want? Not a good sign.

Some people need a liiiiiittle bit more intimacy to feel entitled to express their wishes clearly. I agree that it tends to make them a bit frustrated in the everyday life but that's no reason to call them liars while it's about not saying anything.

Not a good or a bad sign, that's merely one more sign that communication will need to happen, which is, frankly, not really breaking news material.