Would you want to know the whole truth as to why someone doesn't want to date you? (self.AskMen)
594 ups - 129 downs = 465 votes
I know this is an odd question, but lurking here has taught me that guys like communication to be straight forward. I just don't want to be hurtful. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
So I've found out that my friend has feelings for me. He ticks a lot of boxes - he's smart, kind, funny, tall and really cute. I'm physically attracted to him and like that he has a lot of interests.
The thing is, I don't want to date him. The deal breaker for me is that he is such a passive and submissive guy that all the other boxes can't make up for it. He's great at stating knowledge and facts, but he never gives his own opinion about something. He'll always do what the group wants to do. He always wants to do whatever I'd like to do. I need someone who will challenge me, and he doesn't do this even in the slightest bit.
I've tried hanging out with him one on one to see if there is any sort of spark and to see if he's different when he's not around other people, but it's more of the same. "Where do you want to eat? What do you want to do? I'll do whatever you want to do." I've challenged him before and asked why he never puts his opinions forward, and he said that he generally just likes to do what other people are doing. And before people jump in and say that he's just trying to be nice and I'm just being an asshole, he doesn't instigate conversation that leads to any balanced conversation or even friendly debate, as it just ends with him saying, "Oh, right" if I give my opinion. It's frustrating as it means that there's no balance to us, and balance is important to me.
So my question is, if you were him and you potentially eventually ask me out (I don't know if it's coming, but I'd like to be ready for it if it does), would you prefer the full truth or would that be too harsh? It would be worded politely but would be straight forward and along the lines of "I don't think we're compatible because I need someone who can challenge me." Also, does adding, "I find you attractive, but..." at the start stick in the boot a bit too much?
278 comments submitted at 12:26:44 on Feb 3, 2014 by tallgirlbeverly