About three hours ago I caught my girlfriend stealing money from me. What do I do? (self.AskMen)

AskMen

638 ups - 142 downs = 496 votes

Hi reddit. Throwaway for obvious reasons...

So I'm kind of in a daze right now and I am not really sure how to handle what just happened.

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I caught my girlfriend going through my wallet and taking out money. I was in the shower at the time and the TV in our bedroom was on. When I turned the shower off I grabbed a towel and walked back into the bedroom to get changed for work. When I opened the bathroom door I saw her standing over my nightable with my wallet in hand and she had removed some of the $20's I had in there. (I guess she couldn't hear me over the TV or something).

I kind of yelled and was like "what the fuck are you doing?".

She jumped and dropped my wallet back on the nightable. I yelled some more I guess and said that she shouldn't be stealing from me and that if she had wanted money she would either have to ask, or get a job (she doesn't have a job).

She got mad at me yelling and said that I'm an asshole and it isn't that big of a deal. She walked past me into the bathroom and locked herself in and I could hear her crying.

I left for work without saying anything else.

When I get home today, what do I say to her? Like if she needed a few bucks for whatever I would have given her some but just taking it from my wallet seems wrong.

TL;DR Caught my live-in girlfriend taking money from my wallet. We yelled at each other and I left for work. What do I do?

EDIT: She's on the lease

EDIT 2: Holy fuck. We share one of our bank accounts. I just got a call that she tried withdrawing most of the money. The bank called because most withdrawals are usually only a few hundred bucks and she tried withdrawing over $4,000. The bank says the cannot do anything right now because technically it's her money too (since we share the account). Guys what the fuck do I do? I'm leaving work right now because I have to go to the bank. My brother is going to go to my place and try and take my important stuff.

349 comments submitted at 20:25:47 on Feb 16, 2014 by caught_stealing_1988

  • [-]
  • Arthur_Dayne
  • 216 Points
  • 22:33:42, 16 February

> The bank says the cannot do anything right now because technically it's her money too (since we share the account).

It is not "technically" her money. It's a shared account. It IS her money.

You need to get a lawyer because you're in for a nasty fight.

  • [-]
  • lolasaurusrex1234
  • 204 Points
  • 00:11:48, 17 February

I can't understand why someone would share a bank account that only has their money in it.

  • [-]
  • sheleftmalfoy
  • 96 Points
  • 01:27:55, 17 February

And with someone they've only been with for 2 years and aren't married to.

  • [-]
  • KridaMcNinja
  • 39 Points
  • 01:37:05, 17 February

My SO and I have a joint account for all our bills, dates, groceries, rent and savings. We just throw money in there each pay and use the card for everything we do together.. We're not married, and have only been together for 2 years.. I figured we were being smart and fair.

But it's not like the money was only worked for by just one of us. So, I guess that's the big difference here.

  • [-]
  • kaunis
  • 26 Points
  • 02:25:29, 17 February

There's also just... Well, okay call me naive BUT

I put my SO on my bank account after two years of dating. I work but he doesn't right now. Technically, all the money is "mine".

But here's the thing: we talk about budgeting and he knows what to do when he needs money, and how much we have and how much he can spend. Any money he does get from side jobs or holidays or whatever goes right into the account.

I feel like OP added his gf to his account and then did nothing to establish boundaries and talk about finances. That's a major screw up.

Doesn't matter whose it is, what matters is you have had the financial talk. It's pretty much just as important as the kid talk goddamnit.

Edit: there's never accounting for someone robbing you blind. after two years though, it's hard to imagine. The other thing is I am very tied into his family. If he pulled this they'd disown him.

I guess it comes down to how truly tied together the rest of your relationship is and where you see yourselves. I would have never added my exes to my account. I was with one for four years and we lived together but never.

  • [-]
  • KridaMcNinja
  • 4 Points
  • 02:41:05, 17 February

Makes sense. I see how that would work for you two. We both still have our own separate accounts though for our personal spending money. They joint is strictly used for stuff we do together, need for the house, or our pets.

  • [-]
  • Stalked_Like_Corn
  • 5 Points
  • 02:59:54, 17 February

I'm guessing this incident of her stealing money entailed a ton of red flags he wasn't seeing. Your man is helping you write out a budget. He's maybe not contributing much but he's putting money in from side jobs, holidays and etc.

A man who is responsible enough to budget and abide by budgets is trustworthy of a joint account where little of the money is his.

  • [-]
  • kaunis
  • 9 Points
  • 03:11:09, 17 February

Yeah I feel like... I don't know, like I said, maybe I'm naive, but I just can't imagine this came out of nowhere. How did he not see money missing before? Why is he letting her stay there, when he pays rent, and they don't have a plan for her to have money? Where does he think she's going to get money from? And if it's not from him, then why is she on his account? My so is on mine so he can take care of bills and shopping and such without me having to hand him cash all the time. There's just so much from OP that isn't adding up and without a very good explanation this is all at least partially his fault. I'm hate victim blaming and he didn't deserve to have 4k stolen but dude.. You handed someone your car keys and got pissed when they drove it.

  • [-]
  • Stalked_Like_Corn
  • 5 Points
  • 03:27:22, 17 February

Yeah, the story is either b/s or he's just reaaaalllyyyy dumb.

  • [-]
  • runningblack
  • 2 Points
  • 06:34:44, 17 February

If you're going to share a bank account, make a third one. Especially if there's one primary earner.

  • [-]
  • thebornotaku
  • 13 Points
  • 04:30:54, 17 February

My girlfriend was talking about merging our accounts when we move in together... had to nip that in the bud.

Thankfully when I proposed a joint but separate account that we both pay in to monthly, she agreed that it was a much better idea.

I know it's not necessarily "romantic" or whatever and I've seen other people on reddit lose their shit at the fact that you wouldn't want to merge your accounts. As far as I'm concerned, what I've earned is mine. It is part of my responsibility to cover joint expenses, but after that point I don't feel like anybody else, SO or not, should have any say over what I do with the remainder. Likewise, I am not about to tell her what she can and cannot do with her money.

Even in a situation like this with a single income, I would either not give her access to my account and handle the money myself, or make a second joint account to keep my personal finances separate from the household finances.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 9 Points
  • 02:10:46, 17 February

Seriously. OP is still the victim here but he made a very poor choice doing that. And putting her name on the lease when she doesn't pay rent.

  • [-]
  • mmmsoap
  • 7 Points
  • 02:35:54, 17 February

Regardless of whether she pays rent, she would have significant rights even if she wasn't on the lease. Basically, if you receive mail at an address (you live there officially enough that it's your residence, not somewhere you just visit), then you have to be evicted if someone wants you out.

Granted, being on the lease means that OP can't necessarily get her out until the lease is up. But there's often an assumption on Reddit that "not putting someone on the lease" gives you complete control. It doesn't. Most people leave after a break up because they don't want the be near the ex, not because they have any legal obligation to do so.

  • [-]
  • notseriouslyserious
  • 5 Points
  • 01:52:21, 17 February

Because they love each other sooo much, obviously.

  • [-]
  • lethalweapon100
  • 19 Points
  • 04:48:00, 17 February

>You need to get a lawyer because you're in for a nasty fight.

Most of the time the "lawyer up" advice is BS...but you are totally right here.

  • [-]
  • Notorious888
  • 7 Points
  • 05:31:57, 17 February

A lot of people on this thread seem to have a kind of mystical reverence for lawyers. Nothing against the legal profession but just what do you all think a lawyer is going to do here?

They are not married. As far as I can see, they have two legal interests in common: a shared lease and a joint bank account.

He can (at most banks) unilaterally close the joint accounts. That solves that problem.

As far as the lease goes, well, they are joint tenants. This will probably cost him a lot more than the joint account goes, but there isn't much he can do about it. If he can afford it, the best course of action is to move out, get his own place and hopefully settle with the landlord and/or soon to be ex-girlfriend. If neither are reasonable then he is on the hook for the total balance of the lease. Period.

What's the lawyer going to do? Write nasty letters? They sure aren't going to take any legal action because there is no legal cause of action. The joint account is her property too. She's on the lease, so it's her apartment too.

At the risk of being repetitive, taking money out of a joint account can in no way be construed as stealing. A joint account is joint property, period. If you perceive that as stealing, then you really don't understand what a joint account is. Taking money out of the wallet? I guess theoretically you could say that's stealing but I think any cop would laugh at you. She's your de facto wife, on the lease and you share a joint account. It's a minor domestic matter and basically, nobody is going to give a shit. If you think they're going to throw your live-in girlfriend in jail for taking money out of your wallet you are living in a dream world.

The bottom line is, there is no crime and no civil action to take. Any good lawyer is going to tell you that and tell you to chalk this up as a life lesson and have a nice day.

Move out, move on and try not to make the same mistake twice.

  • [-]
  • Rear_Admiral_Crunch
  • 4 Points
  • 05:28:49, 17 February

Same thing happened to me. Took every dollar and closed the account.

Lost everything.

  • [-]
  • thetafferboy
  • 2 Points
  • 06:40:28, 17 February

Damn.. Sorry man

  • [-]
  • one_Dwigt
  • 174 Points
  • 20:49:46, 16 February

You could give her a chance to explain herself -- Why didn't you ask? What was the money for? Have you done this before? Those sorts of questions. That way you can at least get the full picture when thinking all of this over.

That being said, for me this would be a huge deal breaker. Stealing is bad, and it's really bad when it's stealing from someone you're close with. Her reaction to getting caught didn't do her any favors either.

Now I don't know you two, but it might not be a huge leap to possibly consider she's in this relationship because it's convenient. She doesn't work and you provide for her. That's something you really need to consider here.

Edit: Based on the second edit of your OP, I now believe the bold to be true. She got caught and the game is up. Now she's trying to get what she can, while she can. Time to get a lawyer and start protecting your stuff.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 194 Points
  • 22:59:50, 16 February

I ain't sayin' she's a goldigger.

Oh wait. Yes I am.

  • [-]
  • Arthur_Dayne
  • 80 Points
  • 01:24:12, 17 February

"Golddigger" who wiped out a shared account and burned the relationship for $4000? More likely a simple drug problem.

An actual gold digger would have played it off like she wasn't doing anything / apologized and continued to suck money out of the relationship. Gold diggers != thieves.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 25 Points
  • 01:33:19, 17 February

That's certainly possible.

My first impression of her thought process was: "Oh shit, he caught me. Now he's gonna break up with me. I'll freak out and put him on the defensive then grab what I can and run before he locks me out."

A drug problem would also explain the hyper-defensiveness though. Or hell, she could even have another guy on the side. Regardless, she was most likely keeping something from OP, who I feel bad for. Sharing an account after only 2 years of dating was a dumb move though.

  • [-]
  • Arthur_Dayne
  • 48 Points
  • 01:38:03, 17 February

The biggest red flag for me is that OP has a shared bank account with a woman (that only he deposits in, apparently) but freaks out when he sees her take money out of his wallet.

Dude...

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 11 Points
  • 01:43:58, 17 February

I think he has a right to be upset about money taken from his wallet, but I hope he kept an eye on his bank statements...

  • [-]
  • Arthur_Dayne
  • 16 Points
  • 01:59:47, 17 February

Right, my point isn't that he shouldn't be mad, but that he's upset about her taking a little cash when he literally gave her ownership of a much bigger pot of his money.

It really just means he didn't understand what a joint bank account actually entailed.

  • [-]
  • Greyfeld
  • 8 Points
  • 02:21:31, 17 February

But you have to wonder, if they have a joint bank account, why does she need to snatch money from his wallet? Why can't she just go to the ATM, or use her bank card?

Snatching money from somebody's wallet when you have access to other funds is sketchy as fuck, not to mention a violation of somebody's personal space. It'd be akin to rifling around in a girl's purse without permission.

  • [-]
  • Arthur_Dayne
  • 9 Points
  • 02:24:24, 17 February

That's why I guessed drugs.

  • [-]
  • selfcurlingpaes
  • 14 Points
  • 02:17:38, 17 February

Exactly this. Who the fuck actually cares about a "couple $20s" when he gave this girl access to $4,000 or more the entire time?

  • [-]
  • Galifreyan2012
  • 8 Points
  • 03:09:46, 17 February

I suppose I'd be pissed because the bank account has implied access, my wallet probably doesn't. If it was me it wouldn't anyway. Its not about money, its about boundaries.

  • [-]
  • That_One_Australian
  • 4 Points
  • 03:27:16, 17 February

I would.

Money in my wallet is mine, if I were account sharing with someone I wouldn't give a fuck if they got their own money from an ATM, but if the cash is my wallet then you don't take it without asking.

  • [-]
  • Stalked_Like_Corn
  • 4 Points
  • 02:56:58, 17 February

Sharing an account with an unemployed g/f is more than a dumb move. It's laughable and a rookie mistake.

  • [-]
  • blueskyblond
  • 11 Points
  • 01:59:09, 17 February

I would also highly recommend to notify all of your credit card companies....see if they can place a temporary hold on all of your accounts, contact the bank and put a freeze on your accounts, and bum some money off a family friend to get you by for short term day to day that you will most certainly pay back. If she is stealing money and has your banking account info, she most definitely has your credit card numbers memorized as well.

  • [-]
  • luniiz01
  • 29 Points
  • 21:32:18, 16 February

this is just wrong.I'm sure this is not the first nor the last time this will happen. Is she living rent free at your place?

Time to let her go.... Sorry but no. Especially how she got all defensive and called you names.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 12 Points
  • 22:02:10, 16 February

She's on the lease

  • [-]
  • luniiz01
  • 15 Points
  • 22:09:28, 16 February

Does she pay? If you do not want to kick her out... I hope you put all your money in the bank from now on. :/

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 22 Points
  • 22:10:58, 16 February

Read my second edit. I literally just got a call from the bank. I'm leaving work now. I will try updating when I can. I'm so pissed.

  • [-]
  • luniiz01
  • 14 Points
  • 22:22:16, 16 February

Shit! Keep calm OP.

o.O HOpe all is well..I hope you get all the money. It is your money if you are the one working for it!

  • [-]
  • lolasaurusrex1234
  • 2 Points
  • 00:16:03, 17 February

Hope you get your money back OP. Keep us in the loop!

  • [-]
  • bilged
  • 4 Points
  • 02:40:07, 17 February

Call your landlord, explain the situation and have him evict her for theft. It shouldn't be a big deal as you're paying all the rent anyways. She could fight the eviction but if she's unemployed she probably can't afford a lawyer.

  • [-]
  • mykidisonhere
  • 1 Points
  • 23:34:56, 16 February

Are you on the lease too?

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 363 Points
  • 20:30:20, 16 February

>She got mad at me yelling and said that I'm an asshole and it isn't that big of a deal.

You fucking leave her and block her on your phone and any and all social media.
That is not the reaction of someone that is sorry. That is the reaction of someone that doesn't give a fuck about you.

And don't let yourself be fooled by her reaction when you get home. I practically guarantee she'll be all sorry and apologetic. It's an act.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 67 Points
  • 20:31:32, 16 February

That's a good point but we have been together for two years and this has never happened before. Could it just be she was having a bad day?

Or should I do as you suggested and just tell her to leave?

  • [-]
  • quietdudeirl
  • 155 Points
  • 21:08:22, 16 February

do you steal from people on an off day?

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 64 Points
  • 22:03:27, 16 February

Valid point

  • [-]
  • Celda
  • 3 Points
  • 03:40:20, 17 February

Do you steal from your mom on an off-day?

As opposed to, nicking a pack of gum from the store or some shit.

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 139 Points
  • 20:36:11, 16 February

I highly doubt she was just having a bad day. Chances are she's done it before too.

You simply don't steal from people you care about and you especially don't react like she did.

Still, if you think staying together is a good idea, start counting your money if you didn't already and never give her a key to your house or let her stay there when you don't.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 42 Points
  • 20:37:15, 16 February

Thanks for the advice! The issue is, she lives with me so like how would I take away her key and kick her out, but still be with her?

Ugh I'm starting to feel like she's fucked this up royally.

  • [-]
  • TheBlindCat
  • 44 Points
  • 20:40:55, 16 February

Hope that when you get home, or eventually break up with her, she doesn't clean out your place and sell your shit. If you kick her out, relationship is over. Or you could continue to stay with an unemployed thief.

If she's on the lease you're fucked. Move out as soon as possible and how she doesn't pawn your shit in the meantime.

I vote kick her out and change the locks. This relationship is over.

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 21 Points
  • 20:38:37, 16 February

Well... if you don't think something up you run the risk of her clearing out your house while you're away.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 25 Points
  • 22:05:56, 16 February

My brother has a key. Maybe I can have him go over and take my important shit back to his place.

  • [-]
  • Draziil
  • 43 Points
  • 02:02:54, 17 February

You need to get out. Like now. She knows the relationship is over and is definitely preparing to take as much of your shit as possible, including the money. Do not wait for her to clean you out because thieves like her move fast and think ahead. She will not wait for you to try and fix it, and will try to delay it as much as possible to find a way to get as much out of you before you wise up. She will not end it with you. She'll beg you with every trick she knows and god damn I know how it feels. Everything inside you will want to believe her and overlook this as a minor thing. That's how they work, they prey on your emotions and affection and you won't think straight. Be rigid, be dominant. Don't let her control the situation or back you into a corner with niceties. Don't give her a single inch of leeway because she will use that to dig in. This is how manipulators work.

End it today. Don't leave the house, call in sick, and have one of your friends come pick you and all your stuff up in a truck or something. If she hasn't spent it or transferred it already, find as much of the cash as you can and take it back. If the bank can't stop her from withdrawing that much, nothing can stop you from taking it back. If it's completely gone, cut your loses and leave. The relationship is over, definitely, it's all a matter of how much you want to lose before you end up finishing it.

  • [-]
  • barristonsmellme
  • 10 Points
  • 02:04:44, 17 February

I know this could be a bit late into it now OP, but if she's on the lease but doesn't have a job you need to get all your shit out of that house, take all of your stuff out any account you have, get passwords changed and everything. You get your name taken off the lease and move the fuck out.

She's the one doing wrong, and unless you're quick you're going to pay for it.

The thing is, you know you can afford to live somewhere. You can supply a life for 2. she can't.

  • [-]
  • dynamicperf
  • 11 Points
  • 22:19:54, 16 February

Move out. You can't win in a fight to get her out of the place and she is the type to do crazy shit. Don't even tell her. Just move the fuck out. If you have a lease, call your landlord and tell them that you need to vacate because your safety is now in jeopardy. If either give you a hard time, talk to a lawyer.

Move the fuck out. Right this minute.

  • [-]
  • one_Dwigt
  • 16 Points
  • 20:56:53, 16 February

I'm no lawyer, but I do believe there could possibly be some laws against throwing someone out on the street. They're probably different from area to area, so do your homework first. Be careful not to escalate the situation until you have the end game planned out.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 18 Points
  • 22:04:04, 16 February

yeah I'm worried because she's on the lease. I can't throw her out. I'll have to pack my shit and move.

  • [-]
  • one_Dwigt
  • 13 Points
  • 22:07:47, 16 February

Oh, yeah. That complicates things. I hope you don't have very long left on the lease for your sake.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 22 Points
  • 22:10:29, 16 February

read my second edit. She just robbed me. What do I do?

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 42 Points
  • 22:13:54, 16 February

You contact a lawyer, get a written and signed statement from the bank teller that handled the transaction, his name too of course and write down what happened this morning in as much detail as you can remember.

  • [-]
  • vlepun
  • 20 Points
  • 01:04:42, 17 February

In regards to your stuff in the house:

Draw up an inventory and write down everything. And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. You include how many of each item you have, and include what the state is of the items. Take photo's if you can.

Also, get your most valuable possessions and ask your brother if he's willing to look after them for a while.

As for moving: The sooner, the better. I'd suggest - as other have - you not inform her about this and request that your landlord doesn't either.

Best of luck to you.

  • [-]
  • one_Dwigt
  • 15 Points
  • 22:14:04, 16 February

You better get yourself a lawyer. As for the specific instance I don't know what to tell you because I believe the bank is right. This is the risk you run when you share your money with someone like this.

  • [-]
  • TheBlindCat
  • 6 Points
  • 23:00:05, 16 February

Contact a lawyer, call the police.

  • [-]
  • toybek
  • 3 Points
  • 02:28:45, 17 February

Dude you should keep us updated.

  • [-]
  • from_the_sidelines
  • 2 Points
  • 06:23:27, 17 February

>She just robbed me. What do I do?

No, unfortunately, she didn't. If it was a joint account, the money is just as much hers as yours.

I have been in a very similar situation. Mine started floating bad checks, putting me way underwater. She took a bunch of shit from our apartment too, including furniture. I'm sorry to welcome you to the club.

You won't be able to take her name off the account without her consent. Call your employer and let them know that your account has been compromised and that you need to halt all direct deposit. Go to the bank and open another account with just your name attached.

Most importantly, get the fuck out. Move anything important to you out of the shared residence - preferably to a family member's house. A storage shed also works - many have free months with a contract or similar promotions. Find another place to stay.

Make sure you don't have any lines of credit or anything else that's in both names; if you do, close the accounts or get your name off of them.

  • [-]
  • SociableSociopath
  • 6 Points
  • 23:13:57, 16 February

No, she has to move, don't pack your shit or you're already conceding the apartment, similar to a divorce case.

  • [-]
  • Greyfeld
  • 4 Points
  • 02:27:03, 17 February

He can't force her to move. So it's either he move out, or he live with a thief until the lease is up.

I know which one I'd choose, regardless of the cost.

  • [-]
  • SociableSociopath
  • 1 Points
  • 02:38:18, 17 February

Keep in mind this isn't some roommate stealing from him. They have a joint bank account, that's a pretty serious relationship and conceding the house versus getting her to move or drawing hard boundaries is not something you would want to rush too.

  • [-]
  • Greyfeld
  • 3 Points
  • 02:41:23, 17 February

If he can convince her to move out instead, then by all means. But she's already proven to be selfish and manipulative.

Sometimes, peace of mind is more important than material possessions.

  • [-]
  • portn0y
  • 13 Points
  • 20:37:20, 16 February

Most girlfriends don’t do that even though they are having a bad day. At best, something is seriously up with her and you would be well advised to have your guard up.

  • [-]
  • CineSuppa
  • 9 Points
  • 02:32:46, 17 February

Look... my girlfriend lives with me and has since we've been together (going on 4+ years now, despite us knowing each other for 13 years). In that time, she's been unemployed, full-time employed, on unemployment and now has part-time work. She has high bills, mostly medical. She's planning on going back to school, and in the mean time, I pay the rent, cook or buy the dinners, etc. She is grateful and understands humility. Love obviously plays a major factor here.

As I'm sure it does with your relationship of 2 years. But the response from your girlfriend -- and then her later actions as confirmed by your bank -- show that you are her sugar daddy and she is using you. If you have any doubt about that, then at least agree that she has no regard for money and no respect for you. The truth hurts, but there it is.

If kicking her our and ending all contact with her also means terminating your lease, it's time to do so. And next time, I hope you know not to ever join bank accounts until after you're married... if ever.

  • [-]
  • rbz90
  • 7 Points
  • 20:50:33, 16 February

Dude having a bad day does not excuse stealing from anyone, let alone someone you care about. Even if she just made a mistake and she needed money but was ashamed to ask, her reaction after the fact tells you all you need to know.

Also how do you know she's never done it before? Maybe you just haven't noticed. People make mistakes in relationships that's true, but this is one of those things that I find to be inexcusable. I don't know you, but I promise you that you deserve better than that.

  • [-]
  • FailingItUp
  • 4 Points
  • 21:31:10, 16 February

First instinct should tell you she's gotta go. No trust, no stable relationship.

However, I can sympathize with having been together for 2 years. My advice, if you're going to try and salvage the relationship, she's gotta get a job.

  • [-]
  • kkjdroid
  • 4 Points
  • 23:39:15, 16 February

What hasn't happened before, her stealing or you catching her?

  • [-]
  • naturalwonders
  • 4 Points
  • 03:19:47, 17 February

a bad day!!??? you must be insane. that's not a bad day, that's a thieving psycho bitch. honestly, if you have to ask i can't imagine there's any hope for you. i feel bad for you though.

  • [-]
  • JeanGenet
  • 4 Points
  • 05:15:24, 17 February

Actually, it's the reaction of someone who feels Humiliated. Humiliation is usually dealt with by rationalizing the other into being the jerk. Example of internal thought process "it's not that big of a deal. Jesus, he's overreacting and being such an asshole"

Eventually she'll probably feel shame and shame's internal process is "I'm such a terrible human being. I stole money from my own boyfriend. I'm a waste."

Edit: For punctuation.

  • [-]
  • owarwolf
  • 27 Points
  • 22:38:13, 16 February

Wow, I take quarters from my boyfriend's wallet for laundry, but anymore than that and I ask him.

When I was trying to break away from an abusive relationship with a shared account, I was able to just close the account and open a new one without my ex on it due to being the primary account holder. I was also able to remove my name from the lease on our apartment with no penalty by writing up and having us both sign a statement for the manager that would show my ex was accepting full responsibility for the lease.

The wallet thing would've warranted a discussion, but trying to withdraw thousands from a shared account is a big red flag, I don't care what her excuse is. Get her off the lease, kick her out, and break up with her.

  • [-]
  • TheBlindCat
  • 12 Points
  • 23:03:28, 16 February

Who carries quarters in their wallet?

  • [-]
  • owarwolf
  • 31 Points
  • 23:41:26, 16 February

People who carry change in their wallet.

  • [-]
  • czorio
  • 6 Points
  • 23:33:54, 16 February

/u/owarwolf 's bf

  • [-]
  • Iretrotech
  • 5 Points
  • 23:33:12, 16 February

I do if it comes back as change, just kinda dump that shit in there sometimes.

  • [-]
  • Vroonkle
  • 40 Points
  • 00:02:43, 17 February

Based on your current posted information/edits:

FIRST AND FOREMOST: check your credit card statements NOW and get new cards. She may have written your card numbers down. She may not have used them yet, but she could have done this; she had at least one chance.

the shared account is going to be muddy legal ground. As for the lease, YOU need to leave. I would file a police report in the interim, and use the report to alter your lease with your rental authority. The fee to alter a lease is usually the same as a lease break, but the important part is you're not throwing her out. Denying a joint Lease holder access is illegal, but you're free to leave on your own. She will most likely bail on her own once you stop supporting her, and you can get right back in your place.

I would also suggest taking specific questions to other subs for some solid advice. Such as /r/personalfinance for the aftermath, and /r/asklaw for the immediate.

  • [-]
  • catloving
  • 3 Points
  • 04:02:32, 17 February

I agree with /r/Vroonkle.

I'd like to add: Be fair about the cash in the bank. Somewhat. If you're the one who's earned it, it's yours (morally). If she's earned some, that's hers (morally).

What I would do is guesstimate how much is yours/saved, and from work, pay deposits. Withdraw that in person, start a new separate account and put it all in there. Have a note put on the joint account that there are questionable activities going on; ask the tellers for help with "tightening" the account. So, now, whatever's left in that account is hers. She worked/earned/whatevered it, let her have it. Take your name offa it.

Now, you have your own money. Good. I'd go for a debit card, but if she's stealing, I would open a mailbox at a mail place or something. This way if anything legal-ish is sent to you, you have a safe place for it.

DOES SHE HAVE KEYS TO YOUR CAR? If so, can you change them? Is the car in your name? (you can kind of use the car as secure storage if you've got the keys for it)

Take pictures of EVERYTHING Every Room in your house TODAY. This way someone can't say "oh you took this and that". document, video tape/record, whatever.

BACK YOUR PC/LAPTOP UP. I'm anal, and if she's going to do a grab and go (might) she might take your stuff or nuke the lappy. You can't lose your data. Get serial numbers and data like that. (with the pictures)

But keep in mind, there's a reason in her head to take that money. Gambling? Drugs? Booze? Nose job? You don't know. Take the steps to cover your ass (you can always undo them!) and chat with her. Find out. What is going on with her? Is it something you can help with? You love her, she's part of you, what's up? (But if you don't do the steps above, she leaves and shreds you with this, you'll be kicking yourself a lot). Have compassion, but with caution.

  • [-]
  • New004
  • 73 Points
  • 23:19:52, 16 February

>We share one of our bank accounts.

Why in gods name did you think that was a good idea?

  • [-]
  • gotsickfromweed
  • 43 Points
  • 00:41:21, 17 February

And it was all OP's money. Jesus, he gave it all to her and now hes surprised she took it?

  • [-]
  • naked_guy_says
  • 14 Points
  • 02:44:43, 17 February

> Guys, I handed this girl all my money and she took it, what do I do?

After the body/evidence was destroyed? Get a beer I guess

  • [-]
  • dracomancy
  • 14 Points
  • 01:55:30, 17 February
  1. Call her parents and tell them what she did. Try to get the money back.

  2. Close the joint account immediately.

  3. Contact your landlord or housing management and ask what the process is for breaking a lease. You'll probably have to pay a month's rent and/or a fee, but it will be well worth having her out ASAP.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 14 Points
  • 02:17:59, 17 February

Yeah, going to her parents is maybe a little childish, but it's not bad advice at all. Depending on what they're like, and on her relationship with them, they might be able to talk her out of doing whatever the hell it is she's planning.

  • [-]
  • mashonem
  • 65 Points
  • 20:48:51, 16 February

She was stealing from you, and you're the asshole?

Drop her ass, change your locks, and don't look back. You're pretty fucked if she's on the lease though.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 31 Points
  • 22:04:56, 16 February

She's on the lease. Do I get a lawyer? What should I do?

  • [-]
  • Tiiimmmbooo
  • 59 Points
  • 22:23:40, 16 February

Definitely get a lawyer

  • [-]
  • goombaysmash
  • 29 Points
  • 22:33:46, 16 February

stop posting on reddit, go talk to a lawyer before she cleans you out even further.

  • [-]
  • Kingnate1337
  • 6 Points
  • 01:50:24, 17 February

Get a lawyer I caught my then soon to be ex wife stealing and blaming me. I yelled she cried we "worked it out" and the. She the. ran up $25000 on my credit cards. So yeah moral of the story contact a lawyer and keep your guard up. When faced with difficult times people show their true colors and you are seeing hers.

EDIT: forgot some words

  • [-]
  • Mobiasstriptease
  • 3 Points
  • 02:56:24, 17 February

A police report, a lawyer, and paper trails are your three new best friends right now. Think about what she could do, and start playing proactive defense; change the locks, freeze your accounts, and freeze your credit (she could easily get your social and make some new credit cards for herself in your name).

  • [-]
  • empress-of-blandings
  • 24 Points
  • 21:08:46, 16 February

You live together and she had no job? What's your agreement re:money? Does she get an allowance from you or do you normally give her money? How does she pay rent, groceries, etc., if at all? Have you ever noticed money missing before? Does this seem out of character for her?

This was a serious betrayal of your trust and needs a very serious conversation. Do not let her tears sway you, know what you're going to say/ask when you get home, but give her time first to say her piece (so you don't inadvertently give her any ideas/excuses). If she had access to your back accounts etc secure them before you get home just in case.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 22 Points
  • 22:03:20, 16 February

"I bring home the bacon and she cooks it". She's on the lease but we don't split rent. I pay for it all and most household duties she does.

  • [-]
  • empress-of-blandings
  • 21 Points
  • 22:15:00, 16 February

Edit: just see the edit, never mind she's revealed herself as a snake in the grass. Good luck to OP is all I can say, try your best to secure that account and get the police involved if she messes with your stuff. Depending how crazy she is have someone with you/your brother when you interact with her, sounds like the type to fake an assault or something :/

So how do you usually give her money? Does she ask and you give, or do you give her a set amount each week for expenses? Since she already uses your money for everything I don't understand why she would feel the need to sneak it...Did she want more than was agreed? Was she embarrassed having to ask? Did she mean to pay you back before you noticed? Maybe she wasn't being sneaky and genuinely thought it'd be fine to go into your wallet?

In other responses you're talking about moving out immediately and getting a lawyer. I think definitely keep those options in mind, but there are so many questions still, I wouldn't advise you to rush anything. People in the Internet are always going to be quick to say "ditch him/her" because they're not actually invested in any way.

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 23 Points
  • 22:16:39, 16 February

Read his edit. She just cleared his bank account.
I'm gonna guess drugs.

  • [-]
  • empress-of-blandings
  • 16 Points
  • 22:20:07, 16 February

Daaaaanmmmmm. I was afraid of that, hence the "secure your accounts" line. This is why I'm 100% against shared accounts before marriage. At least the bank wouldn't allow it, is there a way to put a freeze on the account? Or transfer out all the money himself (as opposed to withdraw)? He better move quick :/

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 4 Points
  • 22:25:26, 16 February

They allowed it, or at least I think they did.
Sounds like OP didn't set up a limit of how much money one person can take without consent of the other.

  • [-]
  • empress-of-blandings
  • 4 Points
  • 22:36:50, 16 February

The "tried" made me think otherwise. I looked it up a bit because I was curious, looks like if she did he's completely screwed because legally that money is hers even if she didn't earn it. If OP had mentioned they had a shared account I would have advised him first thing to empty that asap. This might end up being just a really really expensive lesson for him. Idk maybe he can sue her in civil court for it.

  • [-]
  • Iretrotech
  • 5 Points
  • 23:35:18, 16 February

I know my bank will freeze the account if a large withdrawal is made without prior warning. So it probably (read:hopefully) locked her out.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 5 Points
  • 23:00:45, 16 February

Or it's her nest egg until she can land another sucker.

  • [-]
  • BitOCrumpet
  • 47 Points
  • 20:40:06, 16 February

Why doesn't she have a job? Is she in school?

It is not permissible to take money from a partner without asking. I wouldn't do that to my husband of 18 years.

It sounds like you need to have a serious talk. It will be hugely uncomfortable, I'm sure. It is a big deal, and you don't seem to be the asshole in this situation. After the talk, by how she is, you might have a better idea of what to do next.

Shoot, just realised this is "Ask Men", and I'm a woman. Feel free to ignore!

  • [-]
  • one_Dwigt
  • 59 Points
  • 00:39:18, 17 February

> Shoot, just realised this is "Ask Men", and I'm a woman. Feel free to ignore!

Women are welcome to post here, too. Sometimes they even end up being the top comment.

  • [-]
  • heili
  • 25 Points
  • 23:48:42, 16 February

A serious talk? She tried stealing and when caught tried to empty the bank account. That serious talk should be her being dumped.

  • [-]
  • RedShirtSmith
  • 10 Points
  • 01:50:53, 17 February

While I agree he likely should be dumping her, he should find out what is actually going on to get all his money back.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 13 Points
  • 02:15:20, 17 February

I'd want to find out what's going on out of sheer curiosity.

I have 3 theories:

  • She's afraid OP will break up with her over the stealing and she'll lose her means of support. Cleaning out the account is a nest egg for her.

  • She's got another guy on the side (who is unable/unwilling to support her like OP is) Her getting caught was her signal to bail, and she's grabbing what she can on the way out.

  • (Suggested by another poster in the thread) She has a drug habit, hence the stealing from OP's wallet. She's afraid OP will find out about it, so she's choosing the "take the money and run" option.

  • [-]
  • RedShirtSmith
  • 4 Points
  • 02:23:43, 17 February

Pretty much what I was thinking.

  • [-]
  • kkjdroid
  • 21 Points
  • 23:41:24, 16 February

We like to have everyone's opinion here. Get some flair, though--that's the easiest way to let everyone know.

  • [-]
  • DrMayhemPhD
  • 10 Points
  • 02:16:35, 17 February

I've found that most women that post in AskMen are sane and offer good advice. Keep on posting and don't worry that you're a woman.

  • [-]
  • Stalked_Like_Corn
  • 10 Points
  • 02:55:44, 17 February

I gotta say, opening a joint check account with an unemployed g/f is one of the stupidest rookie moves you could ever make. Hope you were able to catch her. For her to be acting the way she's acting she's in trouble. People don't typically steal knowing they're going to get caught unless they are in some trouble. Drug habit, bookie, something is going on.

I guess she knew you'd be leaving her after the 60 bucks though and is trying to clean out the 4 grand and just burn the bridge.

Joint checking account with a g/f though... dafuq was you thinking. Especially her without a job lol.

  • [-]
  • PixelOrange
  • 10 Points
  • 02:59:52, 17 February

Why the fuck do you have a joint account with someone you aren't married to?

  • [-]
  • strikeuhpose
  • 3 Points
  • 03:03:50, 17 February

That's exactly what I'm thinking too.

  • [-]
  • red321red321
  • 19 Points
  • 22:29:08, 16 February

Dat edit

Go into full self-preservation mode. She obviously is your full-blown enemy and planned on making a run for it or something with your money. I cannot think of any other reason for her to try and withdraw over 4K without talking to you. Your relationship is over so talk to a lawyer immediately and talk to any friends or family for support and/or help in getting control of her and this situation. I would get to your place ASAP or get someone else over there because she could have grabbed your shit by now and taken off with it to pawn it or something.

  • [-]
  • le_fez
  • 10 Points
  • 22:27:08, 16 February

Something's up, either she has a drug problem, owes someone money or is trying to run away for some reason. I've been in this situation and unfortunately because I was suffering from severe depression the first time I was easily manipulated but when I was evened out and it happened again, I ended things. Make no mistakes it will happen again if you let her stay without the 100% truth and getting her whatever help she probably needs (and even then watch your ass).

  • [-]
  • ebrammer252
  • 8 Points
  • 02:25:10, 17 February

We need an update OP!

  • [-]
  • Emac72
  • 56 Points
  • 23:40:10, 16 February

Wait. You said in your comments that you bring home the "bacon" and she cooks it. Also, you have a joint bank account and she's on your lease? So, why is taking money from her sugar daddy's wallet "stealing"? This makes no sense. No, I don't want anyone digging thru my wallet for a $20, but I also don't have a kept woman at home that needs a little mad money of her own to break up the monotony of cooking my bacon all day. What in the bloody hell were you thinking????? A joint account? I feel like there's a WHOLE lot OP isn't saying.

  • [-]
  • justahotmess
  • 32 Points
  • 01:49:46, 17 February

Agreed! They live together, they have a shared bank account, which means they SHARE the money. Yet he has a meltdown when she's taking cash out of his wallet? I'm not saying it's something I would do without talking about first, but I'm just going to assume she has a debit card and access to the bank account, so what does it matter if she access is the wallet/cash? I feel like there's a whole lot of info we're not getting.

  • [-]
  • weasel101025
  • 8 Points
  • 04:05:32, 17 February

Because she's trying to spend money that he doesn't know she has. If she takes money from the bank account, he'll know it's gone, and might wonder what it was used for. Slipping cash out of his wallet without him knowing means she's using the money for something she doesn't want him to know about.

  • [-]
  • Y---Y
  • 4 Points
  • 03:32:24, 17 February

>Yet he has a meltdown when she's taking cash out of his wallet?

Sharing money and stealing money aren't the same thing

  • [-]
  • suddenlysomnolent
  • 6 Points
  • 01:29:12, 17 February

For future reference, when the bank calls you about sudden huge withdrawals, simply state that someone stole your card. Don't tell them that she's taking it out for any reason because if her name is on the account, they can't refuse the transaction.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 6 Points
  • 02:20:37, 17 February

Very good advice.

"$4000 withdrawal? No, that's not right. Damn, my card is missing [lie] Yeah, I need you to freeze my account."

Not: "Oh, that was just my girlfriend CLEANING ME THE FUCK OUT. No big deal."

  • [-]
  • KTubbles
  • 4 Points
  • 00:43:15, 17 February

No matter what advice is said here, no matter how much you think we know about what you should do legally...do ONE thing for yourself absolutely immediately if you haven't already: get a lawyer. Now. Now. Now. Now. Don't read another comment.

Aside from that. I'm really really sorry. Your ex is now your enemy. Very probably cheating on you and planning to do worse.

  • [-]
  • MasturbatingOrange
  • 10 Points
  • 00:19:38, 17 February

why do you share a bank account with your 2-year girlfriend? :/

edit: a letter

  • [-]
  • Isle-of-View
  • 2 Points
  • 03:05:56, 17 February

That isn't such a problem if the people involved are mutually respectful, both earning, both paying in the same amount and both have access to the accounts and alerts set up - to me, it really depends on the people, not a certain timeframe. Some partners I wouldn't have had a joint account even if we'd been BF/GF for ten years.

  • [-]
  • maynardftw
  • 12 Points
  • 02:02:56, 17 February

FOLKS.

This is a goddamned PSA if I've ever seen one. Don't fucking have a joint account. Don't do it.

  • [-]
  • Kyrn
  • 14 Points
  • 21:55:08, 16 February

I seriously hope you've got a fucking backbone.

There's nothing that justifies stealing. Not even being together for years.

Who knows how long she's been doing this to you, and if it's just been money or not.

Seriously, holy shit, get the fuck out and stay the fuck away from the loony toon thief that tries to guilt trip you instead of fessing up.

  • [-]
  • caught_stealing_1988
  • 15 Points
  • 22:01:50, 16 February

I have a backbone. When I get home she's gone. Question is, she's on the lease so what legally can I do?

  • [-]
  • Gingor
  • 10 Points
  • 22:11:37, 16 February

Talk to a lawyer. Bring the contract.

  • [-]
  • Kyrn
  • 5 Points
  • 22:31:54, 16 February

I hope it's an apartment lease. If it is, and she just tried to empty the account, then do what you can to freeze the account, and get ahold of a lawyer asap.

  • [-]
  • SociableSociopath
  • 2 Points
  • 23:17:31, 16 February

The only thing you can do is file charges; however since she is on the lease, and you have a joint bank account it's going to be hard in regards to what charges you can actually file...You can ask her to leave the apartment, but legally she has no reason to, and legally you can't kick her out. If you remove yourself from the apartment that also has some issues.

You need to immediately close your joint account, while providing documentation of any/all funds inside it if possible so that you can give them back to her if dispute arises. You then need to discuss who is moving out of the apartment.

As it stands you have no legal grounds short of charging her with the attempted petty theft you saw; however since there are no other witnesses it becomes a he said/she said in which she can say you previously told her she could take money, or she's taken it in the past and you never minded.

Right now this is a civil matter/discussion you need to have with her to figure out what is going on and begin your separation. Attempting to involve the authorities at this stage will only involve unnecessary headaches for you both as they explain how little they can do given the situation.

  • [-]
  • Miroudias
  • 3 Points
  • 21:59:37, 16 February

Buh-bye! I'm going to say it isn't the first time.

  • [-]
  • WaterStoryMark
  • 3 Points
  • 23:42:42, 16 February

Worst case scenario... She gets some of your money and you split. I'm so sorry that this happened, man. Losing money sucks, but losing your girlfriend is much worse. I can't imagine what's going through your mind. Do you have family or friends to help you?

  • [-]
  • kedj
  • 3 Points
  • 00:00:37, 17 February

I was wondering what happened after the second edit. Could you fill us in on if she got the money, what she did with it if she got it, and what is your plan now that she has decided to take much more than 'a few 20's'.

  • [-]
  • barnesandnobles
  • 4 Points
  • 00:37:48, 17 February

If you ever find out why she's suddenly in need of money let us know. My first guess is a drug habit. My second is she was preparing to jump ship and take as much as she could.

  • [-]
  • gotsickfromweed
  • 3 Points
  • 00:38:31, 17 February

Holy fuck OP, why the fucking fuck did you have a joint bank account with a fucking girlfriend?

  • [-]
  • Hillaroo
  • 4 Points
  • 01:27:51, 17 February

As a broke girl with a job that isn't paying the bills and a boyfriend who gets paid a lot better than I do, GET HER OFF THE ACCOUNT! That isn't right. No matter how much finical trouble she is in, thats not her right to take your money.

I'm sorry she is this manipulative, not all women are like this. I hope everything goes ok

  • [-]
  • dixiedownunder
  • 3 Points
  • 02:32:46, 17 February

It's expensive now, but relatively cheaper than a divorce. End it now man. Unfortunately, I think this behavior is more common among women than most of us even know.

  • [-]
  • iownacat
  • 4 Points
  • 05:31:48, 17 February

why would you share a bank account? you are either stupid or a liar

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 10 Points
  • 22:57:51, 16 February

>She got mad at me yelling and said that I'm an asshole and it isn't that big of a deal.

You had every right to be mad, you are not an asshole and it is a big deal.

>She walked past me into the bathroom and locked herself in and I could hear her crying.

Aww, she's upset because she got caught and is embarrassed. Good. She should be.

>I just got a call that she tried withdrawing most of the money. The bank called because most withdrawals are usually only a few hundred bucks and she tried withdrawing over $4,000.

Holy hell. You need to leave this woman immediately. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years and we don't share accounts and won't until we're married at the earliest.

  • [-]
  • ___you_are_loved___
  • 1 Points
  • 02:35:19, 17 February

I think it's a good idea to not share accounts with anyone ever, for any reason. There's no need to do that, and it just creates a liability.

  • [-]
  • bigfishh
  • 11 Points
  • 02:39:53, 17 February

> When I opened the bathroom door I saw her standing over my nightable with my wallet in hand and she had removed some of the $20's I had in there. (I guess she couldn't hear me over the TV or something).

:D

> I kind of yelled and was like "what the fuck are you doing?".

:D:D

> Holy fuck. We share one of our bank accounts. I just got a call that she tried withdrawing most of the money. The bank called because most withdrawals are usually only a few hundred bucks and she tried withdrawing over $4,000.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Something is missing OP, why would you go nuts over some 20's, when you share a bank account with her anyway? There is no sense behind this story, or you're just a straight up dumbfuck and if that's the case I hope she will get away with the money.

She doesn't work, well what else is there? Is she doing all the household work alone? How is she contributing? Trying to find a job currently? She going to school? This is information you need to provide in order for people to give you the correct kind of feedback. If say she's in school, she does all the work in house, yo ushare bank account, I can't see why she wouldn't just be allowed to take money when she needs it for whatever.

  • [-]
  • themarts
  • 2 Points
  • 00:33:25, 17 February

Shared bank account means shes allowed to withdraw money. Sounds like shes been taking for a while. Idk im not in america but in Australia you cant sue her over money she had a right to. Also try to remove her from the lease it depends on if you own or rent. This is going to be one hell of a learning experience for you. I feel sorry for you but at least itll stop now also open a new bank account and get your employer to start payimg into that change credit card details say they got stolen to the company thats what she will target next

  • [-]
  • SmartassRemarks
  • 3 Points
  • 00:37:07, 17 February

She has some kind of financial problem that she's hiding from you. It's probably a drug problem but it's anyone's guess. Stealing like that, especially with attempting to clear your bank account, is unacceptable and grounds for an immediate termination of the relationship.

  • [-]
  • Spore2012
  • 2 Points
  • 01:05:36, 17 February

I'd wager that she's definitely involved with drugs. Get her to treatment asap, get into al anon yourself. I'd probably break up.

Also if she stole your money, you need to file a police report. It will help you in the future. (and possibly other people who have been stolen from or will be stolen from her).

  • [-]
  • logicop
  • 3 Points
  • 01:06:47, 17 February

I think I may have dated this girl. good luck man.

  • [-]
  • smokyjones
  • 2 Points
  • 01:17:34, 17 February

1) Get as much of your stuff out as you can. 2) Do what you need with the bank. 3) Dump her. 4) Legal recourse?

  • [-]
  • cacti_oculi
  • 2 Points
  • 01:20:58, 17 February

Sounds like she has a shit load of other shit she is doing behind your back to.. Any girl that yells at YOU after taking YOUR money has serious problems. I'm sorry man, you have to cut her loose and then really mend all the pieces back together. This girl is not marriage material, I don't care how long you've been together..

I would cut her off from everything attached between the two of you. Break the relationship and get the fuck out with as much as you can keep and find a better girl.

  • [-]
  • PrettyLittleBird
  • 2 Points
  • 01:32:41, 17 February

Did they actually let her take money out, or did she just TRY? Can you go to the bank and withdraw all of your money immediately?

  • [-]
  • Lothrazar
  • 3 Points
  • 01:57:11, 17 February

Time for the police

  • [-]
  • nydude98
  • 3 Points
  • 01:58:21, 17 February

Call the police and dump her.

  • [-]
  • strikeuhpose
  • 2 Points
  • 03:13:50, 17 February

So, uh, what's happening now OP?

  • [-]
  • screech_owl_kachina
  • 3 Points
  • 05:04:14, 17 February

God damn dude you are a fucking sucker.

Joint accounts? Never do that, ever, not even when you're married. This is exactly what you risk. She's on the lease but she doesn't pay rent.

You must have found the handbook for being street-smart and did the precise opposite. I honestly think this is troll post.

  • [-]
  • watda2
  • 6 Points
  • 02:57:56, 17 February

You have a joint bank account and you yelled at her for taking money out of your wallet? You're the one who made her think it's her money too. You treated her like a wife. Well, a wife is allowed to take money out of her husband's wallet without asking him if he's in the shower and she needs to get groceries or something.

You enabled this situation.

  • [-]
  • manf0712
  • 4 Points
  • 03:18:41, 17 February

uh…. I don't know what fantasy world you live in where even if you're married its ok to just swipe money from your SO without saying anything. While true in the sense it may not be stealing, it is still completely fucked up and shows that the individual has zero morals and is without a doubt completely untrustworthy. He didn't enable shit. And in this case I am sorry to say you are 100% completely wrong.

  • [-]
  • DrMayhemPhD
  • 4 Points
  • 02:08:01, 17 February

Dump her.

Edit: Why the FUCK do you have a joint account?

  • [-]
  • chikinpickle
  • 3 Points
  • 02:49:53, 17 February

Dump her and call the police. Break the lease if you have to.

There is nothing you can do about the joint bank account. You fucked up. Never have a joint account with someone else. Only consider it for your wife.

You have no friends when it comes to money.

You also fucked up with her on the lease. Call the cops, tell them she was stealing money from your wallet.

  • [-]
  • Captain_Dicksnot
  • 5 Points
  • 00:16:16, 17 February

Delete the gym, facebook up, and hit the lawyer.

  • [-]
  • LogisticsNightmare
  • 4 Points
  • 21:41:18, 16 February

> She got mad at me yelling and said that I'm an asshole and it isn't that big of a deal. She walked past me into the bathroom and locked herself in and I could hear her crying.

Not only is she a stealing cunt, she attempted to shift the blame to you for being upset about it. Then she locked herself in the bathroom because she knew she'd been caught.

She's a manipulative bitch, and once you dump her you'll likely notice you have more money.

  • [-]
  • savior41
  • 7 Points
  • 22:32:35, 16 February

THEY SHARE A FREAKING BANK ACCOUNT. Jesus Christ, why has no one mentioned this yet.

  • [-]
  • zoidberg1339
  • 5 Points
  • 23:01:38, 16 February

They share a bank account after two years of dating. Hell, even after 4 years my GF and I haven't even considered doing that.

  • [-]
  • apcreddit
  • 3 Points
  • 22:40:56, 16 February

It was only added 40 mins ago by the looks of it.

  • [-]
  • LogisticsNightmare
  • 3 Points
  • 22:46:28, 16 February

And she makes how much money at the job she doesn't work?

Not to mention she just went to withdraw $4k (allegedly, it is Sunday...)

  • [-]
  • whatsweirdis
  • 2 Points
  • 02:00:34, 17 February

She could have tried to transfer the funds online. That's all I could come up with:/

  • [-]
  • LogisticsNightmare
  • 2 Points
  • 02:08:41, 17 February

There are some low-end banks that are open Sunday, but not many.

  • [-]
  • WaterStoryMark
  • 2 Points
  • 23:39:30, 16 February

OP... With that joint account, you better make her believe you still love her. Then, slowly withdraw all your money. That's the only legal way to do it that I can think of.

  • [-]
  • purplegluesticks
  • 2 Points
  • 04:56:18, 17 February

I need to be a live in girlfriend, sounds like a sweet gig, don't even need a real job. Though I still don't understand the OP`s flipping out about some twenties in his wallet. If she doesn't have a job, what does she do all day? Is this some sorta overseas mail order bride thing? Don't understand why she is on the lease or a joint account if she doesn't have a job and/or income?

  • [-]
  • DrMayhemPhD
  • 2 Points
  • 06:00:49, 17 February

Stealing money is ok with you?

  • [-]
  • Imupnthis
  • 2 Points
  • 21:04:48, 16 February

She has already had time to come up with some amazing story about how she did it for true love, to feed the homeless or because she is a victim of some kind. It is time to move on. This is a red flag that should be sounding alarms.

  • [-]
  • ryansouth21
  • 2 Points
  • 20:42:56, 16 February

Have a sit-down talk when you get home. If you feel like it would help, apologize for blowing up on her. Ask her why she took money from you.

After this, keep a close eye on your money, she may have done it before and you never notice.

There are two possibilities: She either was feeling too comfortable with your wallet, and needed some money and grabbed some without asking (still bad, but just a naive mistake possibly), or she has done it plenty of times before and is just a thief.

  • [-]
  • mashonem
  • 7 Points
  • 20:47:38, 16 February

> If you feel like it would help, apologize for blowing up on her

shiiiiiit

Got a point otherwise though. She might have gotten a little too familiar, but if she doesn't have a job either, I'm leaning towards her doing this before.

  • [-]
  • dynamicperf
  • 2 Points
  • 22:18:03, 16 February

Dump her. Cut all ties. Never have anything to do with her again. Ever.

  • [-]
  • goldgoldgold1
  • 2 Points
  • 23:33:28, 16 February

Maybe this is the first time you caught her? She might be thinking of running off with all of the money man. Take into consideration she might be leaving!

  • [-]
  • 92JMFL
  • 1 Points
  • 23:34:53, 16 February

I'm not providing any good info but I just want to say good luck mate, I'm gutted for you that it's taken 2 years to see what she's like. Must be a sinking feeling.

  • [-]
  • elcocodriloquetecome
  • 1 Points
  • 23:53:29, 16 February

What you should've done was call the cops.

  • [-]
  • TheMightyCheng
  • 1 Points
  • 23:58:11, 16 February

Just read the edit. Holy monkey balls, dude. That went from bad to "Holy Shit" very quickly. Good luck.

  • [-]
  • djmooselee
  • 1 Points
  • 00:21:07, 17 February

Peace out ...plenty of fish in sea

  • [-]
  • redundanteater
  • 1 Points
  • 00:25:27, 17 February

Relationship over.

  • [-]
  • hewholaughs
  • 1 Points
  • 00:31:46, 17 February

Well I've "caught" my ex girlfriend in the past grabbing some bucks, but it's been because she was going to buy some groceries for us, however seeing your 2nd updated is completely fucked up. I guess I'd probably try to figure out why she tried to empty you shared bank account, wouldn't be surprised she's leaving you and trying to take everything with her as well.

Good luck pal..

  • [-]
  • Bloggs19
  • 2 Points
  • 00:41:01, 17 February

Given the second edit, move all your valuables somewhere out of reach and get a lawyer ASAP.

  • [-]
  • FrusTrick
  • 1 Points
  • 00:42:28, 17 February

Get rid of that gold digger and get a lawyer. Protect what is yours from a person who is using you.

  • [-]
  • protostorm
  • 1 Points
  • 00:45:39, 17 February

so sorry it's over, secure your finances switch accounts get out of the relationship NOW!

  • [-]
  • badtimebetty
  • 0 Points
  • 01:02:22, 17 February

Dump her now. She thinks stealing from you It's not only okay, but that you're an asshole for being upset by it. She doesn't respect you because she is selfish and sees you as a tool to bring her happiness. Today she's stealing money, tomorrow she's banging dudes and helping herself to your savings account.

  • [-]
  • Nathan561
  • 1 Points
  • 01:02:38, 17 February

Is she in school? Why does she not have a job? If she's not bringing in money, she does not need to be in on the account. How long has she been without a job?

  • [-]
  • TempestofChaos
  • 1 Points
  • 01:49:25, 17 February

Come home before she does, change the locks. If her name isn't on the paperwork she can't do shit. Let her get her stuff. And then do not ever talk to her

  • [-]
  • AnotherPint
  • 1 Points
  • 01:55:34, 17 February

You catch her stealing your money... and YOU'RE the asshole?

Can you make a life with someone who reasons like that?

  • [-]
  • bandalooper
  • 1 Points
  • 02:02:39, 17 February

Fuck, I have no good advice on how to proceed with the bank or the lease; you need a lawyer immediately.

As for the relationship, it is already over. Trust is not something to mess with in a relationship and she just wiped her ass with it. That just can't be overlooked and if you were to try maintaining your relationship it will, without a doubt, factor negatively into countless situations.

I'm very sorry for you, man. She is not.

  • [-]
  • zer0nix
  • 1 Points
  • 02:03:03, 17 February

thank the dear lord god you two aren't married and that she is not with your child.

  • [-]
  • Blindinlove
  • 1 Points
  • 02:05:09, 17 February

So sad, I'm sorry this is happening to you. :(

  • [-]
  • Myuym
  • 1 Points
  • 02:09:44, 17 February

Please keep us updated.

  • [-]
  • Parintachin
  • 1 Points
  • 02:12:58, 17 February

Kick her ass to the curb.

  • [-]
  • BeachCop
  • 1 Points
  • 02:20:09, 17 February

She's done it before, you just haven't caught her. Anyone that steals from you isn't worth your time or feelings. Erase her from your life and find someone who'll treat you right and who deserves your love and respect.

  • [-]
  • foxy90gt
  • 1 Points
  • 02:31:43, 17 February

Damn! I just read all of this. I'm sorry OP. I hope you can get at least some of your money back and that she didn't mess anything up in your apartment.

  • [-]
  • bukkoctopus
  • 1 Points
  • 02:54:05, 17 February

Sorry for your loss, OP. I can totally relate to getting fucked over by another person and losing a bunch of money over it, which is probably what's going to happen to you. Hopefully it's just the costs of breaking a lease. It's got to be the worst when it's somebody you were close to. I don't think there's any shame in having been trusting and unassuming even if this is where it gets you sometimes, so I hope it doesn't make you too cynical after the fact.

  • [-]
  • BuzzKyllington
  • 1 Points
  • 02:54:57, 17 February

Sounds like drug addict behavior

  • [-]
  • christmascookies
  • 1 Points
  • 02:59:57, 17 February

Dump her, because theft is wrong and stealing from you is betrayal. Also, get a good lawyer.

  • [-]
  • natronimusmaximus
  • 1 Points
  • 03:02:59, 17 February

Withdraw what you need from the account, whether now by atm or tuesday at the teller. In the meantime, sit down and have a conversation with your gf and ask her what's going on.

  • [-]
  • Callmedory
  • 1 Points
  • 03:12:30, 17 February

Get all belongings out of your common living quarters. Close all joint accounts. Check all accounts, credit cards, and your credit reports, to make sure she hasn't gotten cards in your name.

You may have to continue on your lease, you paying, since she's on it and likely wont pay. Ask your landlord about ending it. There may be something in the lease for emergencies.

She is not to be trusted, and her reaction is suspicious. Do not fall for her tears or any sob story.

I'm a 50 year old female. I had lived with my now-husband 9 years before marriage. We had a joint account after a few years. Neither of us ever took money from the other in this manner. It was years before I ever opened his wallet, and that was at his request to get something out for him--that's when I found out he had a picture of me in it.