My [22 M] girlfriend [21F] of 6 months cheated on me. She claims not to know what she did wrong. I find the whole thing very wtf. (self.relationships)
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I don't know that I have a specific question here. I guess I just want to vent and see if anyone else has experienced anything similar and might have any advice. I'm somewhat confused right now.
This past Friday my gf and I went to a party at a mutual friends house. Small gathering, maybe 20 or so people there. We planned to drink and spend the night there.
gf invited two friends from her work, a guy around our age (we'll call him Frank), and a girl who's a bit older. I've met Frank before at other gatherings, and him and gf seem to get along really well, like old friends or siblings (or new lovers), despite that they just met maybe 2 or 3 months ago. This bugs me just a little, but I haven't communicated it to gf because I feel it shouldn't bug me, since I have (well, had) no reason not to trust her. I have a few friends of the opposite sex with whom I am very close, so it would be hypocritical of me to tell gf she can't have the same. The way I see it (saw it): it's my insecurity and I need to deal with it, not burden other people by tasking them to conform to my neuroses.
At some point during the night, gf stood a few feet away from the fridge and said to me, Gary, get me another beer. Myself, all the way on the other side of the room, said, Get it yourself, you're right next to the fridge. With obvious sarcasm she replies, If you don't get me a beer we're breaking up. Again with obvious sarcasm, I say, Well, I guess we're breaking up then, have a nice life, etc.
After most people had left I decided to head upstairs and clock out. gf says she's gonna stay up for a bit. The only other people still present and awake were Frank and two other people, who seemed to be in the process of leaving when I went upstairs.
The next morning when I woke up gf was in bed beside me. We took a taxi back to her place, where she got ready for work and I made the short walk back to my flat (no work on Saturdays for myself).
After her shift was done that evening she came to my place. As soon as she got there she said to me, in a cheery, seemingly ironic tone, I think we should get back together. I asked wtf she was going on about. She explained, in the same ironic tone, how we "broke up" last night. Oh, I see, an extension of the same joke. Of course, yes, we should get back together.
She then said, in a serious tone now, that she had something she wanted to tell me. While we were broken up she had sex with Frank.
Obviously I was like wtf, are you being serious, is this still joking, etc.
Nope, she wasn't joking. She was trying to tell me that we were actually broken up, it wasn't a joke, and during that time she fucked Frank.
Obviously I was dumbfounded. I could sorta tell she herself didn't really believe much of what she was saying (she's not quite 100% crazy, after all) but was just trying to gloss over things to make them more morally palatable. Thinking back, it seems likely she was in denial about it herself. She felt bad, wanted to make up a story, any story, that wouldn't make her seem like such a bad person. But still though. Even accounting for self delusion, who in their right mind would ever expect anyone to buy such an excuse? It reminds me of when I was in 3rd grade and felt bad about telling a lie so I went into the washroom and whispered "just kidding," thinking it would make the bad feelings go away (it didn't). But she's not in 3rd grade, so like wtf.
So I sorta freaked out. She eventually admitted that what she did was "wrong" but that it still wasn't "cheating" because we were "broken up," and actually I should be thankful she was nice enough to tell me. I yelled some shit about how she couldn't possibly believe that, she yelled back something about minding my own business then stomped out the door.
After that I texted her not to come around anymore, that it's over. And I feel like it's over. Maybe I could forgive her if she got drunk and fooled around with some guy, but to make up such a silly, petty, childish lie? Really? tbh it wasn't too great of a relationship either. Been going down hill for a few weeks now. Good riddance, I guess.
She's texted back since that she's sorry, that she want's to talk, and she's called a couple of times, but I haven't responded, and don't plan on it unless it's to tell her not to call again.
Anyways, I just wanted to get that out of me. I have friends I can talk to but somehow this seems really embarrassing, just being associated with that sort of behavior. I don't know. Right now I'm more angry than anything.
Thoughts on this? Is it as crazy as it seems to me? Anyone ever experienced anything like this?
tl;dr: girlfriend made a joke about breaking up with me, then fucked some other guy, then claimed it wasn't cheating because we were "broken up."
248 comments submitted at 09:06:49 on Feb 17, 2014 by GaryWilliam