My girlfriend cheated on me while drunk, rang me straight away crying on the phone and told me. I love her and really want to stay with her but what would you guys do in this situation? (self.AskMen)

2 ups - 0 downs = 2 votes

Basically, as the title says, my girlfriend cheated on me while at a night club and then rang me straight away to tell me. She was bawling crying on the phone saying she can't believe what she did, she's ruined the best thing that's ever happened to her etc. The thing is, as much as my head is saying I should break up with her, I really love her and want to stay with her.

But is it ever okay to cheat? I mean, she was really drunk and she lost her phone and - she said so anyway - a guy came over and said he'd help her and kind of forced himself on her. They didn't have sex or anything, but they kissed and he fingered her. And I do believe her, that the guy took advantage of her, but at the same time couldn't you always resist, unless he actually raped her?. And also, I've been really drunk, like insanely drunk, before, and had girls on me and people like trying to get me and a girl to get together or whatever and never cheated. I can't believe that she actually wanted to cheat; we've been closer than ever recently and there've been no signs at all that she was getting bored or thinking about other guys or anything. None at all. I really do think it was a drunken mistake and that she is sorry for it.

But what do you guys think? I don't know if my judgement is being clouded by the fact that I'm head over heels for this girl. Is it okay to cheat briefly in that situation? Is it ever okay to cheat, at all?

27 comments submitted at 02:48:46 on Nov 2, 2013 by AWickedGuy

  • [-]
  • Satherton
  • 1 Points
  • 02:53:43, 2 November

Well they did not fuck "that you know of" and thats a plus. I think you should put this one in the past and forgive her. i mean she called right away and told you what was up. thats major points better then all the hiding stuff method some people use. Be respectful, loving, and understanding. Thats whats being a in a relationship is about. People fuck up sometimes, its what we do about it that defines us.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:02:38, 2 November

That's a bit comoforting to hear. I really believe that it was literally a few minutes of a mistake - a drunken mistake - and that I can forgive her for that. I just didn't know if my judgment of ye situation was/is being clouded by the fact that I love her so much.

  • [-]
  • Satherton
  • 1 Points
  • 03:06:19, 2 November

Nahh man i dont think so I mean i dont love your gf so im a 3rd party person letting you whats up. if it was a mistake and she told you right away what more do you want it to be? Make sure nothing changes. Dont act different if you do she will think less of you. Be yourself.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:13:29, 2 November

Okay well thanks for the advice man, very helpful.

  • [-]
  • fanofrex
  • 1 Points
  • 03:02:35, 2 November

I would talk to her about it. Put everything on the line and ask her to tell you the whole truth or it's over. Too many times these stories change over time or to different people and cause problems way after the fact. If you're satisfied with the truth then move past it. Forgive the mistake and work to be happy again.

To me the story sounds worked to get sympathy. Did she just happen to find her phone after this guy fingered her? Do you believe that is all that happened? Like you, I have been utterly smashed before and still had enough mind to not do anything I didn't want to do. I'm not saying she can't be telling the truth but if I were you is feel like some details were intentionally being left out.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:10:11, 2 November

Nah man, she called me off a pay phone. She walked into town (like an hour walk) to get to it. I do believe it was just fingering (even that is horrible to me, though, makes me feel like shit just writing it) cos it happened tonight and she called me at like 1.30 am so she didn't go home with him or anything.

  • [-]
  • fanofrex
  • 1 Points
  • 03:13:07, 2 November

Like I said, if you accept her story then work it out. Cheating is about trust or betrayal of that trust. If yours is intact then you'll find a way. I hope it works out.

  • [-]
  • Release_the_KRAKEN
  • 1 Points
  • 02:51:55, 2 November

Was this other dude drunk to? If not, he sexually assaulted her. So..if he wasn't drunk, THEN SHE DID NOT CHEAT. And you should probably take her to the hospital and then to the police to file a report.

  • [-]
  • Tote_Sport
  • 1 Points
  • 02:56:16, 2 November

Even if he was drunk, he sexually assaulted her.

  • [-]
  • Release_the_KRAKEN
  • 1 Points
  • 03:02:20, 2 November

Maybe. It's alot harder to establish consent in that case. Atleast this way if he wasn't and she was then it's clear that he took advantage of her.

  • [-]
  • Tote_Sport
  • 1 Points
  • 03:06:00, 2 November

I remember doing all this sexual assault/rape stuff last year in criminal law; somethin about the fact that the guy was drunk isn't a defence to such offences

  • [-]
  • Release_the_KRAKEN
  • 1 Points
  • 03:08:22, 2 November

Well..you have criminal law and I have internet stuff. So I'm going to bow to your wisdom.

Hey I'm curious, if they were both drunk, what's to stop the dude from claiming that she sexually assaulted him?

  • [-]
  • Tote_Sport
  • 1 Points
  • 03:14:47, 2 November

In cases like that, it's generally the accepted that the woman would be given the benefit of the doubt, hence why there's often public outcry regarding false accusations of rape/sexual assault levelled at men.

From what I remember, being hammered isn't much of a defence for a fair few offences.

  • [-]
  • Release_the_KRAKEN
  • 1 Points
  • 03:15:32, 2 November

Ugh.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:07:32, 2 November

That's what I thought, too. Guys this only just happened tonight (it's 3am here) but she's a 3 hour train ride away and can't get the train back till morning. That's why I'm turning to Reddit, I'm pretty stunned and generally all over the place at the moment and have no one to talk to. But anyway, the fact that it only just happened is relevant because I haven't got to ask her if it actually was sexual assault, like did he really force himself on her and kiss her and finger her, or, honestly, did she just do it in her drunken state.

  • [-]
  • Release_the_KRAKEN
  • 1 Points
  • 03:11:08, 2 November

I think you really need to talk to her and find out what went down. Was she by herself or with friends?

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:13:04, 2 November

She was by herself when it happened she said. But you're right, I'll see her tomorrow and talk to her about it.

  • [-]
  • Exactly_what_I_think
  • 1 Points
  • 02:59:02, 2 November

If it was a drunken mistake she can't be trusted to get drunk.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:04:11, 2 November

Also, about the drunken thing, I know people do stupid things when drunk - me especially - but never once have I cheated while drunk. I've had the opportunity, too, and on those same nights done some really stupid stuff which shows how drunk I was/how my judgement was completely off, but I still didn't cheat.

  • [-]
  • squealing_hog
  • 1 Points
  • 03:03:04, 2 November

Can you honestly forgive her?

Will you be able to trust her to go out still without you babysitting her? Can you still do all the things you did with her, like you used to, without thinking about it?

That is what you need to decide.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:12:04, 2 November

It so damn hard to know that, though! I think over time it will go back to normal but I'm not sure! I haven't even seen her in person yet since it happened, I think if I actually talk to her about it I'll have a better idea of whether or not I can forgive her. It's good to know that you guys aren't saying that I should break up wit her regardless anyway.

  • [-]
  • Crucify_Me_CapN
  • 1 Points
  • 03:08:05, 2 November

Cheating destroys trust which is fundamental in a relationship, but the fact that she realized she was in the wrong, stopped it from escalating, and called immediately, makes me think it would leave just enough trust for me to stay.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:14:50, 2 November

Oh well that's comforting, I kind of have trust issues to begin with so this is a huge blow but I think I can get over it. I really believe she's sorry, I'd never heard her so distressed as she was on the phone.

  • [-]
  • archersparadox
  • 1 Points
  • 03:10:09, 2 November

I wouldn't be able to handle it, but I have trust issues. This is a decision that you have to make.

  • [-]
  • AWickedGuy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:15:25, 2 November

Thanks for your advice anyway, I have a little problem with trusting too.

  • [-]
  • MeatEatingSissy
  • 1 Points
  • 03:15:48, 2 November

If you want to forgive her, do it. Just make sure it's clear that you're not ok with what happened, but you want to move on and continue your relationship.

  • [-]
  • vhmPook
  • 1 Points
  • 03:12:43, 2 November

Don't be her chump, move on.. it's obvious.