I, 20/F drunkenly cheated on my 21/M boyfriend, but I've never felt so awful about doing something in my life. (self.relationships)
18 ups - 7 downs = 11 votes
We've been dating for 3.5 years, and these years have been some of the best in my life. He is the kindest man I know, and I've never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life, I've never felt anything close to the love I feel for him. I know I'm young and I know it sounds rash, but I honestly think he could be the one I want to marry.
Right now, we're doing LDR, but I see him every 2 weeks.
I've been living at University for a while now, and I've been friends with this guy here whose company I thoroughly enjoy. However, I never saw myself doing anything sexual or romantic with him, that kind of thought occured to me. Last night though, we got really drunk and had sex. It wasn't romantic, I didn't feel any kind of feeling for my floormate. I know alcohol isn't an excuse, but under any other circumstance I would have never done this.
I have never felt so awful in my life. I almost threw up after waking up, my heart has been pounding, I feel so jittery and guilty.
I have yet to tell my boyfriend, but please, before you berate me: If I told him what I did, not only would I lose the love of my life, it would absolutely devastate him. I don't care about any hurt I may feel; I'd rather suffer for years of guilt about an extremely stupid act rather than break his heart. We once talked about cheating, and he told me that he wouldn't be able to see me the same way if I ever was with someone else, or be with me. I don't give two shits about how it may affect me if he finds out, I just don't want to hurt my boyfriend. He is truly the love of my life, and I don't think he or I would be able to handle this until some time has passed.
Essentially I'm just ranting, but should I tell him? I read all over r/relationships and the people who have been cheated on just once and stayed with their partner said they would rather have never found out in the first place. I hate the fact that I cheated on him, and I would NEVER DO IT AGAIN. I couldn't. The idea of hurting him when he is so loving and giving to me is so hard to bear. I know I'm an awful person, and believe me, I feel absolutely vile.
Is it worth breaking my boyfriend's heart, the love of my life, if it's about a stupid intoxicated mistake that would never ever happen again? I'd be willing to suffer with the guilt for as long as it takes for it to subside, as long as it doesn't hurt him.
Please don't tell me what a bad person I am, I already know. I just need somebody to talk to about this, and what is your advice about telling him? Thank you for reading if you've read this far, I appreciate it more than you know.
tl;dr: I drunkenly cheated on the love of my life, didn't feel any sort of emotion with the sex of the person I cheated with. Haven't told my boyfriend yet, but I really don't want to because doing so would devastate him. I am willing to suffer with the guilt as long as he remains unscarred.
48 comments submitted at 15:57:55 on Nov 12, 2013 by hoojsa