5'10 female here. Some thoughts after reading through many posts on this sub. (self.short)

133 ups - 15 downs = 118 votes

I've seen a lot of posts saying how depressing this sub can be for shorter people. I just wanted to pop in and say thank you for opening my eyes.

When I was a teen, I dated a guy who was about a foot shorter than me. We were soooo in love as teens are apt to be. I remember riding around town in his mustang, trying to find a secret spot to make-out, comparing our hand sizes... he loved my long fingers and I loved his strong hands with guitar calluses on the findertips. I never gave a second thought to the whole height disparity... until...

Many of my friends said we looked "weird" together. Some guys would claim that I "could do so much better". I didn't understand. He was a musician and I was an idealist. We were so happy together. Why would people care about our height?

I never let the comments bother me too much while we dated, but it did subconciously invade my thoughts throughout my 20s. I spent so much of my time considering how the person I chose to date would look to outside observers. I knew from experience that tall girl/short boy combos attracted a lot of undue attention and I actively sought to avoid that. If a man approached me who was shorter than me, I would automatically dismiss them as boyfriend material. I wasn't trying to be mean or discriminatory, I was just trying to stay in the shadows. I am so sorry for that. I can't begin to understand how that made you feel. It was unfair, shallow, and completely shitty of me.

Now that I am 30, single again, and have had my share good and bad relationships, I am once again ready to confront my demons. It's tough being a tallish girl, but I see that it is much more difficult being a short guy.

Like i said at the beginning, thank you for helping me look back and see where my height descrimination began. It's really hard for me to look past what others think of what I do, but I'm going to be much more aware of it now, thanks to this sub. I look forward to seeing things again through the uncorrupted eyes I had before the teasing began. Kids are fucking cruel, man. I'll never be able to allow myself to consider height as a factor in the dating world ever again.

TLDR: Keep up the good fight. This sub may be depressing at times, but it really does make a difference. Knowlege is power!

22 comments submitted at 15:50:17 on Nov 19, 2013 by dawn_quixote

  • [-]
  • semen_slurper
  • 13 Points
  • 22:46:23, 19 November

I relate so much to the high school boyfriend part! I was dating a guy shorter than me (honestly I don't even know how much shorter because I never payed attention to it) and one time I was out somewhere with my mom and she points to a couple and says "look they can be happy in a relationship with the girl being the taller one just like you". And that's when it hit me "oh wow my boyfriend is shorter than me".

I also went through the same phase for about a year where I didn't want to date shorter men. But current SO is 5'6" and I couldn't be happier and could care less that I am the taller one in the relationship. (I'm 5'11")

  • [-]
  • Kyoredrum
  • 12 Points
  • 05:54:17, 20 November

Interesting username

  • [-]
  • GrandBuba
  • 1 Points
  • 20:37:28, 21 November

"Jizz Juggler" would be a lot more entertaining though :-)

  • [-]
  • lordfuzzywig
  • 32 Points
  • 16:36:57, 19 November

I'm glad you were able to sift through a lot of the self-hate that we (somewhat-reasonably) get in this sub. Here, people say I'm too tall to be considered short. But in the real world, I'm CONSTANTLY told I'm too short, or too muscular. So you just take the good with the bad in this sub.

There are legitimate problems particularly in the dating world, but also in every other aspect of our lives, that come with being a short(er) man. Women deal with them in a different way, but they aren't immune to the same kinds of pressures and stigmas.

I'm sure someone is going to try to blast the living daylights out of your post with the typical "Oh, so I have to wait until I'm 30 until a woman will consider me", but don't let that get you down. That's another thing that we legitimately deal with and though it's not tactfully said, it is another interesting tidbit of how we men are discriminated against in the dating scene until "the wall".

To come full circle, I'm really happy you've realised that heightism is a real thing in the dating world. Do some digging and you'll start to understand how pervasive it is in other facets of modern life, including but not limited to the professional world. It'll amaze you.

So your question might be, what can I do about it?
The best thing you can do is spread the word. Not necessarily about this subreddit, but how unfairly discriminatory people are toward shorter folks. If you hear some of your lady friends talking about how they wouldn't date a guy just because he's short, let them know how unreasonable and silly that is and what kind of things that he has probably put up with in his life.

My mother made a comment the other month about how "I'm just too short". My own mother. And I'm normally a pretty level-headed guy, but it really got to me. So I explained to her the kind of things I've had to deal with and started reading to her some of the tweets from the Exposing Heightism twitter. She didn't know what to say. It started with, "Well those are just a few people" and when I showed her the sheer volume of it, it was just stunned silence. She's now 50 and even she didn't understand the kind of things I've had to deal with, especially in regards to dating.

So spread the word. And I hope you find a nice guy -- short or otherwise.

  • [-]
  • dawn_quixote
  • 8 Points
  • 16:50:34, 19 November

Absolutely. I've never had a problem standing up for the underdog (when I'm aware that he/she is an underdog). Living in the south, I've encountered tons of discriminatory comments based on race, gender, sexual preference, religion, etc so this is just another layer I can add to my advocacy. I honestly didn't even realize that short people encountered so much discrimination until I found this sub so I'm sure I can have an imapct on other people who are equally unaware.

If it makes people feel better about my age of awareness, I have tons of younger friends. And they have even more younger friends. I got your back! :)

  • [-]
  • lordfuzzywig
  • 14 Points
  • 16:58:01, 19 November

First of all, I didn't notice your username before and just wanna say it's awesome.

Second, good on you! Send them my way!

^^pls ^^op

^^^...pls

^^^i'm ^^^so ^^^lonely

  • [-]
  • ur2l8
  • 6 Points
  • 18:08:39, 19 November

I've got nothing to say other than I'm actually surprised your ma said that, not because she's your mom (I mean that is a reason), but moreso because 5' 8" isn't even that short! I'm glad your mother understands heightism is a really thing now.

Curious, which country do you live in?

  • [-]
  • ThereIsAThingForThat
  • 6 Points
  • 19:05:41, 19 November

I'm the same height as lordfuzzy, and I'm told I'm short almost daily, much of the time from family, so while 5'8 might not be short globally, there are countries where it is.

Of course it doesn't help that I'm from a country with an average height of almost 6 feet.

  • [-]
  • ur2l8
  • 2 Points
  • 21:16:50, 19 November

Ha, dang. No one usually calls me short, and I'm 5'6. I'm from the South in the U.S. though.

  • [-]
  • KevintheSinister
  • 1 Points
  • 04:43:35, 20 November

Haha I'm 5'6 and I get called short on a regular basis. It's probably because I live in a city of giants and there isn't anyone else in my regular group of friends under 6' but still.

  • [-]
  • lordfuzzywig
  • 3 Points
  • 18:55:10, 19 November

The States. Kansas, specifically.

  • [-]
  • dkty
  • 6 Points
  • 23:23:11, 19 November

Thank you for posting this, I wanted to post something similar but was too chicken in case it was taken the wrong way.

  • [-]
  • AnoArq
  • 5 Points
  • 18:28:35, 19 November

Sounds to me like someone you respected or otherwise had a friend or mentor relationship with said something to you in your 20's that made you think about how others thought of you. Contrast against my wife and I (she's 5'8") where you have to fall into a very special category before your opinion matters to us (socially--professional views are another matter).

That said, I don't think you should feel bad about turning down shorter guys, that's a foolish regret--rejection is it's own lesson, just like failure, hurt, and misery. We all have to learn how to handle the dark times in our lives and lift ourselves back up. Nobody ever learned anything by sitting in the warm grass and enjoying a cool breeze, everybody's just entitled to sample it's sweetness from time to time; and when you're over how you feel about dating a short guy, maybe you'll give another short guy a chance to taste that sweetness beside you.

  • [-]
  • brainsteww
  • 3 Points
  • 07:01:57, 20 November

I live in Japan now as a white girl (5'5, 125lbs), and I am the height of the average man here. Also people here are often very lean, so I'm probably heavier than most men my height, so that on top of having an obviously different face and body shape made me feel like I was standing out. When I wasn't interested in a short guy, it wasn't because I saw him as short or thought any less of him, but it was based on how I felt around/near him.

I wasn't used to feeling bigger than my partner. But now, I am more so. I was set up on a date with my current bf by a mutual friend. We met at the train station after chatting through messages, and the first thing I noticed about him was his big head, second was that I was taller and he's probably not interested in a girl bigger than he is, and then I noticed how good looking he is.

Obviously the date went well. We were official by the 2nd date. At first I was self conscious about walking together with him, but that might be more because I'm a foreigner and always stared at anyway. Also I needed a lot of reassurance that he liked my body and didn't think I was too big... I was surprised to find out how self concious he is of his own body being too small (he's maybe 5'4 and weighs a little less than me), but after falling in love I think he's the sexiest man in the world.

I'm a little worries about the comments my family will say when I bring him to America, but I wish people did not care about superficial things like height so much. And not just guys feeling too small but also girls feeling too big. Maybe by making compliments about each other can help get rid of those insecurities, and shooting down negative comments about height when we hear them.

It makes me sad to think I wouldn't have looked twice at my bf if I saw him randomly out, and makes me wonder what other people I've passed up in my life due to silly preconceptions.

  • [-]
  • Kongo204
  • 3 Points
  • 09:00:25, 20 November

My first girlfriend was 6' and I haven't grown since then. People occasionally made comments, but no one really cared. It was interesting.

  • [-]
  • sean1620
  • 2 Points
  • 16:56:29, 26 November

Thank you for this = )

  • [-]
  • Majkatt
  • 4 Points
  • 17:19:06, 19 November

Women are influenced so much by what other's think.

As a tall woman I think you're experiencing a lot of what shorter men are. The fact is that short men and tall women are more or less in the same boat, as opposed to tall men and short women.

  • [-]
  • thisfuck
  • 9 Points
  • 01:35:11, 20 November

I'm not sure you meant to imply this, but I think everyone is influenced heavily by what others think. That's why, for example, many short men are insecure in the first place - because they've internalized what others think.

There are some things that women do more than men and some things that men do more than women - but being influenced isn't, in my experience, really one of those things.

  • [-]
  • dawn_quixote
  • 4 Points
  • 17:37:02, 19 November

I agree to a point, but honestly, I'm still short enough to be considered acceptable by most of society. I stand out a bit, but it's nothing compared to my taller sistahs.

  • [-]
  • Majkatt
  • 4 Points
  • 17:42:04, 19 November

I can understand that, 5'10 for a woman doesnt really pop out to me either, in Denmark I've had several girl friends who were your height.

What I meant was that men will generally steer away from women who make them seem small, much the same way girls will steer away from men who make them seem big. Of course this is all preferences etc. and you may have had different experiences. This is all anecdotal evidence from living in a very, very tall country.

  • [-]
  • LLLeitung
  • 3 Points
  • 19:53:19, 19 November

In Germany I regularly see couples that are the same height, or with taller women. Also on television, where a lot of the lead men are short and the women are tall. Not so in the US, where I suspect there's more of a 1950s ideal of how a couple should look.

  • [-]
  • 1inadozen
  • 1 Points
  • 23:11:44, 19 November

Which part of Germany do you live in? If anything, that's been the exact opposite of my experience. Both on- and offline.

Edit: I just read OP's username and I think I'm in love.