Girlfriend and I are ring shopping and she has been opening up, and telling me not so great things. (self.AskMen)
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editted and added more info
Hey reddit I am kind of in a tough position right now hopefully you guys can share.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now I am 27 she is 26. In our relationship we both do a good job communicating, we try to avoid secrets.
Since we are getting engaged, she wants all the bad stuff out. Well first of all she tells me during the first two months we were dating she was sleeping with her ex, while making me hold out. We didn't have any particular talks saying we can't see other people but just from our talking and hanging out it was pretty definite that we said we were boyfriend girlfriend. She qualifies it as she wasn't "technically cheating" but she wouldn't have waited till now if she didn't think it was something bad.
She went to a concert with some friends a while back failed, turns out someone invited her ex, but she didn't want to worry me at the time so she said nothing.
Reason why she hates swallowing during sex is because her ex ruined it for her, because he would hold her down (yet she seemed pretty infatuated with him)
(As of now the ex has moved to California so I don't have to worry about him)
This didn't all come out at once, she has been dropping these slowly, and I have maintained a straight face. I am doing so because I want to know if there is more out there she assures me that her dirty laundry has been aired. I don't really know what to think anymore, had I known earlier about the whole sleeping with the ex, while I was trying to get with her I would have left her. I don't really know how to handle all this information. At the time we were talking and hanging out all the time, long phone calls everything so the idea she'd do that with me then go sleep with him really fucks with my mind. She held off on sex because she told me she isn't "that kind of girl."
The concert, I don't know if she cheated on me with him then, but after hearing the first one I am almost naturally thinking of the worst.
The sex part, I am pretty upset with as well. Before, she told me she didn't do it because "only whores do that." Now hearing that it was regular with the ex makes me pretty bitter. Even though she describes it as a bad experience she was infatuated with this guy pretty hard. In our own relationship she hasn't really made an attempt to ever try to become more comfortable with it either, nor did she do it once. It's screaming in my head she liked the other dude more, and even if something was uncomfortable, she would do it to please him.
I am still confused why she told me this, it feels like I am being trickled truth, but why would she tell me this if I had no idea about any of this stuff before hand. Should I appreciate her honesty, and try to some how work past this.
If I had to describe how I feel right now, I felt like I had an awesome relationship before hand, talking about starting a family, buying a house together and now it's uhhhhhh. I know it's best to hold out on ring shopping, but beyond that what do I do. I want to know the full full truth, and know if she is completely over her ex and is focused on our relationship. The sex part, how do I even tell her how much that bugs at me without sounding like a whiny entitled guy.
I overall just feel so weak and lost. Please share with me what to do guys.
tl;dr - discovered some nasty things about my relationship
80 comments submitted at 23:37:07 on Mar 26, 2014 by engaged4