Me [26/f] with my fiance [30/m] -- He is seriously thinking of taking MY last name after we're married. I'm conflicted. (self.relationships)
41 ups - 13 downs = 28 votes
So my fiance and I are getting married in about two months. Everything is fantastic, we have been together for almost 3 years, and aside from normal wedding planning stress we couldn't be happier. He is truly one of a kind.
Here's the thing though. We have had a lot of conversations about how I was going to change my name. I am very attached to my family and my name, and as a female only child with no cousins or hope of cousins, I am essentially the last of the Mohicans as far as my family is concerned. However, I am completely open to hyphenating (our names go nicely together), and retaining his last name casually (Hi, Mrs. HisLastName!) and my last name professionally (I am a writer with a somewhat established presence).
I have also floated the idea of just not changing my name, and being known casually, but not legally as Mrs. [HisLastName]. This isn't a feminist thing, really. I just like my last name and it is attached to my "brand" (vom), however I do love the idea of being called Mrs. HisLastName.
His thing is, he really wants us to have a common last name, and thinks that hyphenation/ using different names in different situations is too confusing. The way he's put it is, he really wants this unifying factor. So he has seriously suggested him just taking my last name. He has even mentioned it to his mom.
Bless his heart, he has NO idea why I think people would find that unusual. He says he "doesn't give a shit" and wants to support me and be unified with me. Which is just, so SO amazing. But I've told him he REALLY needs to think long and hard about such a big change and that I would support his decision and we can work together on it. So far he's told me his mom and brother have both reacted like, "do whatever you want," but I tried to tell him they probably won't give him an honest opinion face to face.
I would be okay with him changing his last name to mine if he was really 100% comfortable with it and understood the potential social fallout. Believe it or not we are both traditional people, so this is a bit of a departure from our normal operations.
A few more things to consider: He has a brother who has children, he is not especially close to his father, and we do not plan on having children. Also, and this is just sort of a neat thing, our last names start with the same letter so MONOGRAM ALL THE THINGS.
tl;dr: Wonderful gem of a fiance wants to take my last name. What is your honest opinion on men taking women's last names?
44 comments submitted at 19:55:50 on Apr 7, 2014 by SchweddyBurrito