Am dating a guy who is less conventionally attractive than I am, not sure how to deal with rude attention from other guys (self.AskMen)

AskMen

287 ups - 74 downs = 213 votes

I'm 22 and have been going out with a 26yrold guy for the last 2 months or so. He is kind, funny, has a stable job/life and I think he is attractive in an unconventional, endearing way.

The problem is that when we go out together, I'm not sure how to deal with the negative attention from people (99.9% male) who feel the need to stare/make rude comments about how I am "out of his league."

Guys will start hitting on me or trying to touch me even though it is obvious I am there on a date, and when I turn them down, they pretend to act all surprised ("Ohh this is your boyfriend? Sorry bro didn't realize!") Guys have randomly shouted things like "Nice job!" to him on the street, or mutter things like "I don't get it" within earshot.

I have no idea what to say/do in these situations without embarrassing him or sounding like I agree with the assholes. Usually there is just an uncomfortable moment and we both pretend it didn't happen.

He doesn't seem insecure, but he has been nervous to get more physical with me (he was so nervous the first time we made out that his hands were shaking and seems afraid to initiate anything more) and I wonder if all the harassment has something to do with it.

tl;dr How should I react when rude strangers make comments about my bf's appearance without embarrassing him? And could this be making him insecure about sex? Thanks in advance for your insight, men

135 comments submitted at 01:10:27 on Apr 13, 2014 by awkwardsituation22

  • [-]
  • sometimesimweird
  • 126 Points
  • 01:47:55, 13 April

This happened to me when I was on a date!! I went to go use the bathroom and bumped into a friend of mine, who said hello and introduced me to the other guy he was with. The other guy says to me: "I would like to take you out one night" to which I replied "Thanks but I'm on a date." His response? "Come on, you're on a date with him? Go out with me, I have a full head of hair!" (The guy I was on a date with was balding)

I wish you could have seen the look on my face. Like dude, for real? I told him "no my date is really awesome bye". But I wish I had some other witty, insulting response for him.

  • [-]
  • blahblahlolol123
  • 220 Points
  • 02:53:04, 13 April

"Too bad the inside of your head isn't as full"

  • [-]
  • Heuristic_Tangent
  • 46 Points
  • 04:32:04, 13 April

L'ESPRIT DE L'ESCALIER

  • [-]
  • ellveekay
  • 24 Points
  • 06:02:15, 13 April

SPIRIT OF THE ESCALATOR

  • [-]
  • Nymphetomine
  • 7 Points
  • 06:49:28, 13 April

THE SPIRIT OF EXCALIBUR!!

  • [-]
  • melini
  • 12 Points
  • 06:19:33, 13 April

> ESCALATOR

Stairs, actually.

  • [-]
  • envyone
  • 3 Points
  • 07:17:32, 13 April

Nice to see someone so good in Spanish!

  • [-]
  • ellveekay
  • 1 Points
  • 07:53:45, 13 April

Hombre.

  • [-]
  • phycologist
  • 1 Points
  • 07:53:48, 13 April

Wait till you hear it in the original Klingon!

  • [-]
  • AdvocateForGod
  • 21 Points
  • 03:27:36, 13 April

Oh snap!

  • [-]
  • Lord_Bolton
  • 1 Points
  • 04:11:07, 13 April

meh

  • [-]
  • Anonasty
  • 0 Points
  • 04:06:24, 13 April

Oh it is full alright. Shit or pee.

  • [-]
  • I_like_to_debate
  • 47 Points
  • 03:26:38, 13 April

"I don't date assholes". Seriously who uses their hair as selling point to get a date?

  • [-]
  • Dornath
  • 41 Points
  • 05:27:22, 13 April

Johnny Bravo.

Hyuh.

  • [-]
  • sometimesimweird
  • 18 Points
  • 03:31:46, 13 April

Someone who quite obviously has sooooooo many fantastic things to offer, -_- haha

  • [-]
  • KING_CH1M4IRA
  • 1 Points
  • 08:01:35, 13 April

"Uh, maybe you didn't hear me the first time. I've got a full head of hair. I mean, look at it, just look at it for a second. It's okay, I understand, I can see you're a little envious of my coiffure and that is to be expected."

  • [-]
  • DuneBug
  • -3 Points
  • 05:12:22, 13 April

i do

  • [-]
  • raziphel
  • 27 Points
  • 04:00:39, 13 April

Sometimes the best response is silence, and a slow shake off the head. A well-delivered"You're pathetic" can wreck a douche's ego like a fat kid though cake.

  • [-]
  • MicroDigitalAwaker
  • 7 Points
  • 04:33:33, 13 April

"But he isn't an ass."

  • [-]
  • PrivacySchmivacy
  • 25 Points
  • 03:11:32, 13 April

"I think you think you're better looking than you actually are."

"But there's no way you have a penis as big as his. It's incredible!"

  • [-]
  • cliko
  • 12 Points
  • 05:23:15, 13 April

"Well the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!"

  • [-]
  • -_x
  • 1 Points
  • 08:49:04, 13 April

"What's the difference? You're the all time best-seller!"

  • [-]
  • chikinpickle
  • 5 Points
  • 06:26:55, 13 April

"I'm sorry you have such a shitty personality."

  • [-]
  • floatabegonia
  • 2 Points
  • 06:24:36, 13 April

Don't waste your time trying to think of witty come backs to these losers. What you said is just perfect.

  • [-]
  • crazyeasy
  • 2 Points
  • 04:42:25, 13 April

"Really? My date likes to think of it as wisdom. But I see more than that, even more than what's on the outside."

  • [-]
  • zeldaahn2
  • 181 Points
  • 01:18:23, 13 April

If I was a guy, these interactions will ruin my self-esteem. Here are small things you can do to bring up his self-esteem up.

Like what /u/CardinalsFanatic stated, you need to remind him that he is the one person you want, not any of these stupid dumb males. Give him a kiss, hug him tightly, hold his hand while walking or walk like THIS or just something small that shows that you are only looking at him and that he is the only person that matters.

This could possibly make him insecure about sex, but that is just my thought, but you do something like I stated above, it shouldn't be any problem at all.

  • [-]
  • UncleMarshall
  • 67 Points
  • 03:36:16, 13 April

I second the linked picture. Whenever I walk with a cute girl on my arm I feel like a boss.

  • [-]
  • siamthailand
  • 5 Points
  • 06:17:56, 13 April

True that.

  • [-]
  • jumpingjuby
  • 8 Points
  • 05:26:36, 13 April

To be honest, it wouldn't ruin my self-esteem as a guy. It would make me more proud that I was with a girl that made other men jealous. However, you do make a good point that the girl needs to take action in showing how much she likes the guy she's with. It would be one story if the girl was reacting positively toward the advances from other men, but if she was turning them down and holding on close to me, then it wouldn't matter.

  • [-]
  • sturdyboy
  • 1 Points
  • 09:16:09, 13 April

I agree, flirt with him more. He's probably insecure about taking things further physically because he knows you're out of his league and he doesn't want to fuck it up. You haven't exactly been defending him when these other guys throw around insults, so he might be worried that any little thing he does wrong could drive you away.

  • [-]
  • kingrobert
  • -2 Points
  • 06:55:49, 13 April

> you need to remind him that he is the one person you want, not any of these stupid dumb males. Give him a kiss, hug him tightly, hold his hand while walking

do guys actually need this shit? if I was OP's bf, and her response to some guy making a comment was to act like this, that would piss me off way more. it sounds really patronizing and fake.

OP, if your BF isn't bothered by these comments (if he hasn't explicitly said they bother him, not do you think they bother him), then don't treat him as if he's bothered by them. That would be even worse. If he's content with just ignoring it and moving on with his day, then you should do the same.

This probably has a whopping nothing to do with his nervousness in the bedroom.

  • [-]
  • Naltoc
  • 2 Points
  • 08:08:27, 13 April

Depends on the guy, really. some do, some don't. Personally, I'd be wearing it like a badge of honor, but some of my friends (coincidentally the ones that are not "conventional lookers") are the exact opposite.

  • [-]
  • neurorgasm
  • 1 Points
  • 07:15:09, 13 April

Exactly. Apologizing or making up for it is validating these guys' behaviour. I think his nervousness probably stems from a realistic perspective that he is with a girl that is way more attractive than he is.

If I were him, I wouldn't be upset that I don't look like Brad Pitt, because I already knew that. I'd be happy I have enough to offer in other departments that I can date beyond the expectations of others. Men are not women. Men don't think like women. Men don't perceive their physical attractiveness as the predominant factor of their worth to the opposite sex. To most women this would be a major insult - 'why are you dating her?'. To a man, this is basically a sign you're killing it.

  • [-]
  • Decker87
  • -2 Points
  • 07:18:12, 13 April

> do guys actually need this shit?

No. Most 26 year old adult men do not need that shit. It sounds so...soft.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • -22 Points
  • 01:55:23, 13 April

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • zeldaahn2
  • 12 Points
  • 01:57:37, 13 April

Honestly, the purpose of this suggestion was to help the guy feel better. What bully think has nothing to do with it. Those assholes can go honestly go kill themselves if they are going to act immature like how she described.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 7 Points
  • 02:15:08, 13 April

[deleted]

  • [-]
  • zeldaahn2
  • 2 Points
  • 02:20:57, 13 April

Nah, that is a totally legitimate reasoning. It really depends on the person. If I was the guy, and she comforted me like that, I would have been okay with it.

  • [-]
  • nhocgreen
  • 100 Points
  • 03:36:01, 13 April

>"Nice job!"

Pull a switcharoo and thank them. The implication is that it is you who did good by bagging him.

  • [-]
  • chrunchy
  • 27 Points
  • 03:49:31, 13 April

Oh I like this one. Do this within earshot of the boyfriend and it'll be like an ego injection. It would work for me.

  • [-]
  • davs34
  • 20 Points
  • 05:40:10, 13 April

If the girl thanks them, it could come across as her saying "thank you" for thinking she is out of his league which wouldn't help the problem.

  • [-]
  • Zoloir
  • 3 Points
  • 07:15:00, 13 April

Of all of the remarks a random stranger could make, I would never feel insulted by a compliment to my girlfriend. "nice job!" doesn't mean that I am less, it means she is more, and they are congratulating my ability to earn her affection.

  • [-]
  • Vaidurya
  • 15 Points
  • 04:17:03, 13 April

I've had this happen a few times, including one guy insisting my date had to be related to me. Best response I've come up with was to take it personally. "Are you saying I'm stupid for choosing a guy who is pleasant, caring, and not a narcissistic douchebag? Hopefully that means I'm not your type. Go bother someone else."

Edit: mybdate ...

  • [-]
  • aidanjt
  • 2 Points
  • 04:25:10, 13 April

Nice quip lol.

  • [-]
  • KING_CH1M4IRA
  • 13 Points
  • 03:29:34, 13 April

"You know, maybe if you knew how to mind your manners, you might be able to date a girl who looks as good as I do."

  • [-]
  • ballepung
  • 69 Points
  • 01:16:01, 13 April

Where are you from? Rudetannia? Do adults really make mean comments about your BF's looks?

Good news then! If you live in such an uncivilized cuntish society, then chances are it's socially acceptable to kick them in the face. Do that!

  • [-]
  • awkwardsituation22
  • 26 Points
  • 01:17:51, 13 April

nah, just a big city with bars full of drunk people

  • [-]
  • floatabegonia
  • 8 Points
  • 06:28:13, 13 April

"Not many men have the wonderful qualities that this man does. Maybe you'll learn the difference someday."

  • [-]
  • Shaggy_One
  • 4 Points
  • 07:38:32, 13 April

Too long. Needs to be something short and to the point. Most people that behave like this have VERY short attention spans. Also, low IQs.

  • [-]
  • floatabegonia
  • 2 Points
  • 07:45:21, 13 April

You're right. I gave them too much credit.

  • [-]
  • j_t_h
  • 1 Points
  • 02:37:23, 13 April

in the usa?

  • [-]
  • OneWonderfulFish
  • -3 Points
  • 06:16:36, 13 April

http://i.imgur.com/rDh1U56.jpg

There are plenty of other things you could do together where douchebags aren't an issue.

  • [-]
  • donotdonot
  • 4 Points
  • 06:40:38, 13 April

... shitty people can be anywhere

  • [-]
  • Greyfeld
  • 3 Points
  • 06:34:21, 13 April

lol it never occurred to me to use Captain Hindsight as a meme.

  • [-]
  • FishAndChipsAndSalsa
  • 1 Points
  • 07:05:50, 13 April

Probably not a whole lot of things, if everything that takes place somewhere where assholes might be is off the table. But yeah...definitely their fault, thinking they can just go places without people being rude to them

  • [-]
  • Zoloir
  • -1 Points
  • 07:17:42, 13 April

I thought bars was where you go to find a SO, wtf are you doing at a bar once you already have one?

Like, step 1) get drunk for social confidence to attract opposite sex.

step 2) get drunk with opposite sex SO while doing shenanigans literally anywhere other than the same places as step (1).

  • [-]
  • gdegrezia
  • -33 Points
  • 04:05:08, 13 April

What city? I'm an average dude looking for a hot chick lol

  • [-]
  • all-names-were-taken
  • 2 Points
  • 07:32:08, 13 April

I for one think Rudetannia is what the US founding fathers should have gone with

  • [-]
  • Blahblahblahinternet
  • -20 Points
  • 03:55:12, 13 April

They're early 20s... not adults.

  • [-]
  • MidWestJoke
  • 21 Points
  • 04:08:24, 13 April

Pretty sure that means they are adults. Being an adult is based on age. I think you're lumping maturity with adulthood. Two totally different subjects.

  • [-]
  • aidanjt
  • 8 Points
  • 04:22:03, 13 April

And ironically, your comment was vastly more mature than /u/Blahblahblahinternet

  • [-]
  • rbz90
  • 11 Points
  • 03:39:43, 13 April

Honestly if you were dating a sexy dude you'd still have guys hitting on you, they just wouldn't call the guy ugly.

  • [-]
  • CardinalsFanatic
  • 26 Points
  • 01:12:57, 13 April

Remind them he's the one with you, not them. That should help them get the hint on which person you want to be with.

  • [-]
  • awkwardsituation22
  • 22 Points
  • 01:17:14, 13 April

Getting the jerks to go away is not really the problem, it's that I'm not sure what to say to my bf after they do--if I should try to make a joke or even acknowledge it. I don't want him to feel bad.

  • [-]
  • Delehal
  • 26 Points
  • 01:49:54, 13 April

Your body language could go a long way, here, both in terms of stopping those other guys and reminding your guy that you're into him.

  • [-]
  • awkwardsituation22
  • 31 Points
  • 01:54:14, 13 April

I think you are right. I've been hesitant about PDA since he seems so nervous about touching me, but maybe that is the answer

  • [-]
  • Proxify
  • 18 Points
  • 03:54:05, 13 April

I'd say go for the PDA. If this were me, I'd appreciate you more for doing it after something like this

  • [-]
  • Blahblahblahinternet
  • 3 Points
  • 03:56:04, 13 April

This. Nothing will make me feel more secure than if a woman I'm with is secure enough to show respectable PDA. Especially in a new relationship.

  • [-]
  • schielegirl
  • 1 Points
  • 06:27:04, 13 April

it doesnt have to be crazy..one point of contact will do. just casually link arms or something.

  • [-]
  • wooq
  • 4 Points
  • 03:37:44, 13 April

Smile, plant a smooch on his cheek, intertwine your fingers with his, look into his eyes, and just pick up where you left off like there was no interruption.

  • [-]
  • TThor
  • 1 Points
  • 03:47:18, 13 April

Kiss him, lean into him, hold him tight, etc, some simple physical intimacy can help remind him that he is the one you want

  • [-]
  • raziphel
  • 1 Points
  • 04:02:55, 13 April

Lean your head on his shoulder and smile, maybe with a little nuzzle.

  • [-]
  • floatabegonia
  • 2 Points
  • 06:30:32, 13 April

Maybe the next time it happens, you should talk to him about it when you are alone. Remind him of what a great guy he is, how he makes you feel, and that is why you're with him.

  • [-]
  • RadRobot13
  • 7 Points
  • 02:54:27, 13 April

instead of saying anything or focusing on talking about it, how about you just take the initiative and make out with him? You mention the shaky hands. . . well I think if you two get more intimate (obviously at whatever level you want) then he will learn to shrug it off as the confidence boost in knowing this beautiful lady likes him will be the strongest wall he can have.

  • [-]
  • psheemo
  • 18 Points
  • 02:27:01, 13 April

These comments sound more like compliments to me. I heard that two or three times in my life and it felt really good. Motherfuckers are jealous of my girlfriend and that's awesome. Fuck'em.

  • [-]
  • lethalweapon100
  • 6 Points
  • 04:45:19, 13 April

"Why are you with him? You're out of his leauge!" "Because he isnt a dick." There ya go

  • [-]
  • ICEFARMER
  • 5 Points
  • 04:51:58, 13 April

You need to rebuff them and plant the flag that you want your BF more than any other man. Two ways you could handle it.

  1. "He's twice the man you are. In EVERY way." Then smile and tell them to have a nice night and have a PDA with your man.

  2. "I'm out of your league. I don't play with little boys. I prefer my men all grown up. You can't compare to him on the best of days." Then encourage them to go away.

You should also initiate sex more with your bf. make sure he feels wanted. Most importantly, wanted by you.

If you have someone say, "Nice job" turn it around. YOU say, "yes I did. He's amazing"

  • [-]
  • SandiegoJack
  • 13 Points
  • 02:52:16, 13 April

Grab his balls while in public and say

"Hes got it where it counts"

  • [-]
  • iTardification
  • 1 Points
  • 08:35:09, 13 April

Thread can be closed and archived now, this comment wins.

  • [-]
  • daddytwofoot
  • 1 Points
  • 08:42:40, 13 April

Saying your boyfriend has a big dick when this happens will totally shut the situation down.

  • [-]
  • Afin12
  • 3 Points
  • 03:53:52, 13 April

I'm curious, how did you meet him? He has the "goods" to get you in the first place, what is holding him back now?

  • [-]
  • satin_pajamas
  • 3 Points
  • 03:56:50, 13 April

Try complimenting him more often.

You can't control what other idiots do, and reacting only reinforces the league discrepancy as it implies you know why they're saying what they're saying. Which, based on your title and despite your feelings, you believe. So unless this guy walks around looking like comic book guy, I'm guessing his confidence isn't very high.

Get closer, initiate more, do what you can to build up his confidence. Without making it obvious, clearly.

Ignore the idiots, engaging them only gives them a forum to spout more of their shit.

  • [-]
  • Ares54
  • 10 Points
  • 02:32:09, 13 April

Next time someone pulls that shit you give them a smile, tell them he's a great guy, that you love him, and that he's got a huge dick. Then kindly inform the other guy that if he's wasting time trying to steal a girl from a guy instead of picking a single girl up himself maybe he's the one that has a problem.

  • [-]
  • Action_Hank_
  • 14 Points
  • 03:33:51, 13 April

Someone beat me to the giant schlong comment.

A perfect man 10 is still going to fall prey to dick insecurity. Go nuclear from the get go.

  • [-]
  • cat_penis
  • 12 Points
  • 04:19:03, 13 April

This could backfire if it turns out he isn't that well endowed. Then he'll feel even shittier.

  • [-]
  • floatabegonia
  • 2 Points
  • 06:34:30, 13 April

Yeah, I'd leave that out. Also, it's nobodies business who you're with and for what reasons. you don't need to explain yourself to some douche stranger.

  • [-]
  • 80toy
  • 6 Points
  • 03:58:30, 13 April

"Judging from your behavior, he's ten times the man you are."

  • [-]
  • Pregxi
  • 5 Points
  • 01:49:03, 13 April

How does he respond?

I'd definitely taunt or play along with the guy. I'd hope my girlfriend would humiliate him by laughing at him or criticizing him playfully. As he's leaving, I'd high-five her just to add a little salt to the wound.

This is how I've dealt with the few bullies I've encountered throughout my life. In fact, I even made friends with a couple of them. It's the only way you can really win.

  • [-]
  • birdwontquit
  • 6 Points
  • 01:43:07, 13 April

Damn how unattractive is he, or how hot are you? That's weird behaviour. I've dated some dimes and no guy has ever even hit on them infront of me.

Regardless, I don't think there's much you can do. Try more PDA to broadcast you are "his". Take his arm etc. When I'm with my girl guys aren't gonna be confused that she's with me. He should actually be asserting himself more around other man, IMHO.

  • [-]
  • twwwy
  • 2 Points
  • 02:27:14, 13 April

What is the guy's reaction to this? Because this is where he should be making a sarcastic remark brushing those assholes off...

  • [-]
  • TurnItUpANacho
  • 2 Points
  • 03:57:33, 13 April

If it makes you feel any better, the same happens for guys who are into women who are not the conventional standard for women. I'm not saying I only went for women like that, I just seem to be more open than most guys.

Anyway, don't pay much attention to it and re-assure the guy you're with that you're with them and not the douchebags making comments.

Sometimes you see things most other people don't, it's a blessing and not a curse imo. Don't let anyone else bring you down just because they can't relate.

  • [-]
  • boringreality
  • 2 Points
  • 04:11:28, 13 April

What country/state/city type area is this in? It seems like you're living in an area with quite a few obnoxious dudes around.

  • [-]
  • scootah
  • 2 Points
  • 04:13:42, 13 April

When some asshole implies that you're out of his league, just smile and tell them that they only think that because they've never been to bed with him. If anything, he's out of your league.

I'm not a conventionally attractive guy, but I've been blessed with astonishing partners. My douche friends frequently assume that it's because I've got a giant penis or something stupid like that. Play into the idea that he's hung like an elephant or amazingly talented in bed, and that those douche canoe guys could never compete with his talent or physical gifts. For 90% of physically vain assholes (at least) that's the level that they're insecure about, that's why they work so hard on their biceps. Because they worry that they aren't hung enough or good enough in bed so they need to be super good looking. And it'll make your boyfriends day.

  • [-]
  • TheHarlequinHarlot
  • 2 Points
  • 04:37:33, 13 April

I get this all the time when I date Asian guys, which adds an extra fun layer of racism to the interaction... >_>

To men who tease women for the guy they're out with: all you're doing is exposing your own insecurity and reenforcing her appreciation for the guy she's with.

  • [-]
  • ka0t1k
  • 3 Points
  • 04:39:29, 13 April

Hold your hands out 12 inches apart with your index fingers extended and elbows at 90°

  • [-]
  • johnnynutman
  • 2 Points
  • 05:05:12, 13 April

i'm surprised that there are guys that think putting down someone's bf in front of them would make them want to date you...

  • [-]
  • Sharkraygun
  • 2 Points
  • 05:20:52, 13 April

I'm one of those guys who doesn't get it. Can you explain it to me? Because I constantly feel as though women pass me up because of my looks, without even getting to know me, even though I'm not horribly unattractive. So when I see posts like this, it makes me question my sanity because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing wrong.

  • [-]
  • TheEthalea
  • 3 Points
  • 07:23:17, 13 April

No one has commented back to you yet, but I'd like to take a minute and respond. When these women pass you up do they say anything? Ever give you a reason? Do you come off as insecure or desperate in any way. I'm not asking this to attack you but I'm curious.

Most women say confidence is a huge turn on and I'm wondering if perhaps you appear unconfident when talking to women. If so, the best thing you can do is decide you're not going to worry about dating anymore. Just quit, cold turkey. Work on yourself, take up a hobby that you enjoy, spend time with yourself and enjoy yourself. (I'm starting to sound like a Hallmark commercial)

The point is, if you are going out, or taking yourself to a movie, restaurant, mini golfing, or a bar, with no expectations of meeting someone or taking someone home, that might take the pressure off enough for you to be more confident, and in due course more attractive to women.

I'm not saying to not give a rat's ass, but if you have the general feeling of "Who cares if I fuck up what I'm saying to these people, I'm never going to see them again. I have no reason to try to impress them, it's not like I'm going to take her home to meet my mother.", then that can eventually translate to confidence.

If you're confident people will be drawn to you because of that confidence, they'll get to know you and your personality, and eventually become attracted to you.

  • [-]
  • Sharkraygun
  • 1 Points
  • 09:21:41, 13 April

Thank you for your response... and yeah, I've heard about the whole "confidence attracts" thing. I thought I'd gotten better at the whole not-giving-a-fuck approach over the last few years, but since it hasn't really yielded any success for me, my self-esteem has plummeted.

I think my main problem is that I've been doing online dating... where no matter how nice or charming you think your message is, no matter how flattering the photos you post might be, a woman can just brush you off like you're not even a person with absolutely zero explanation. I'm not saying that it's not entirely within her rights to do so, but I just feel if I'm being polite and respectful, can't I expect the same treatment in return?

I should probably try getting out more. But what am I supposed to do, try to meet women at bars? That's a serious question, is that actually a valid way of trying to meet a partner? I feel like there are so many variables there. Sure, I might be attracted to her, but how do I know she's single? How do I know that we'll get along at all? I know those aren't good excuses not to do it, but it's still... discouraging. At least online you can know a lot of these things before you put forth the effort.

Sorry, that's all personal stuff that you probably don't care about. I just have a lot of frustration surrounding this issue, and I wanted to vent.

Thank you very, very much for the advice. I really appreciate you trying to help, and treating me like a human. I just wish dating didn't feel like trying to win the lottery. :(

  • [-]
  • stampythepunk
  • 2 Points
  • 05:34:44, 13 April

I'm engaged in to a big guy, both in the stomach and broad shoulder size. I've seen the looks, if we out at the bar someone will hit on me. Unfortunately... it's not my fiancee that people have to worry about, it's me. I have an awful temper for stupidity.

  • [-]
  • LupoBorracio
  • 2 Points
  • 06:23:08, 13 April

I question more why random guys are touching you.

  • [-]
  • laugh_or_cry
  • 3 Points
  • 06:25:36, 13 April

please don't make any comments about him having an enormous penis, like many people are suggesting. i doubt you will anyway, but it is such bad advice i had to say something. it endorses the idea that he is not attractive enough for you, he just has a big cock.

if his penis is actually that big, it is a deeply personal piece of information he probably doesn't want to share with random assholes. however, if he has a penis isn't large, it could make him feel inadequate in both looks and equipment.

plus penis size is not that big of a deal. the only guys it will bother are the ones who are already insecure. you might come across as shallow and silly to everyone who hears you, and knows penis size is never the most important factor in quality sex.

the people saying you should lean close and affirm your choice of him are spot-on. those assholes opinions don't matter. they are only trying to fuck with you. focus on your man, whisper into his ear that you are all his, and let your loving grins wipe the smirks off their faces.

  • [-]
  • toybek
  • 3 Points
  • 01:58:44, 13 April

What country or state do you live in that people say such things?

  • [-]
  • gmooa
  • 6 Points
  • 01:20:19, 13 April

When they make an untoward comment hold your hands about a foot apart from each other like your measuring something and look the insulting person dead in the eye and say "seriously". As far as his possible insecurities are concerned he may simply be inexperienced or really concerned about messing things up with the most wonderful woman in the world. In this case when it comes to sex it's perfectly OK to take the lead and actually use your hands to put his hands on those places on your body that he might be afraid to touch. Basically he needs some encouragement.

  • [-]
  • premeddit
  • 36 Points
  • 03:46:50, 13 April

Honestly, that first piece of advice would make me feel even worse.

That's like my girlfriend basically saying to the bullies "Yeah he's ugly, but at least he's got a big penis to make up for it!!!"

  • [-]
  • nickcorvus
  • -13 Points
  • 02:13:14, 13 April

Came here to say exactly this.

  • [-]
  • igrokspock
  • 3 Points
  • 04:31:13, 13 April

The terrible truth is that you'd still be getting this attention even if he looked like Ryan Gosling's more attractive brother.

I am conventionally attractive and handsome. I am a Sergeant in the Marine Corps reserve, a boxer, and I look like I can kick your ass. So my appearance is outwardly intimidating and openly threatening to any guys that look for excuses to be threatened by other men. When i go out with my stunner fiance, she still gets hit on. They just hit on her when I'm not around, or when she gets up to go the bathroom or bar, or when I am distracted. There is one guy at out local watering hole that waited until i got up to pay the tab (he works at the bar) and came over to ask my GF if she was happy in the relationship and if she wanted his number. You can imagine the private conversation I had with him on our way out.

Love is a battlefield, and you will be assailed from all sides no matter what you do. Tell your man to lift more weights and learn to box, because he'll be challenged eventually and turning the other cheek wont be an option.

Be firm and cold with your denial of advances, from other men, whatever you do.

  • [-]
  • NiceFormBro
  • 2 Points
  • 04:01:41, 13 April

Older dude dating a ridiculously hot girl chiming in here.

You're 22. It's easy to get jealous, but you know what? He's with you. He chose you. It's so easy to get wrapped up in all that shit but don't forget who's bed he goes to. In a few months, if all is going well and you've developed a better understanding of it, then go to him and mention the it would be juice to hear him stand up for you in those situations. Just as a little reminder. But seriously, just worry about you and him. Who gives a fuck what the world thinks.

  • [-]
  • justinbracey
  • 1 Points
  • 03:22:05, 13 April

everyone must remember their flaws. we all have an equal amount of flaws & beauties. its what part of us theyre in that makes us different. yin & yang

  • [-]
  • vorpalblab
  • 1 Points
  • 04:36:59, 13 April

Just tell the idiot with the ego that "My boyfriend's got way more of what I really want."

Smile and give your big lug a hug.

  • [-]
  • channel34
  • 1 Points
  • 04:57:54, 13 April

He might be a virgin if his hands shake while making out. But anyway, if you just laugh or pretend not to hear that shit then it probably won't phase him.

It seems wierd for a 26 year old male to act like that but if you compliment him all the time on random things he will eventually become more confident.

  • [-]
  • dumbcarshit
  • 1 Points
  • 05:08:35, 13 April

> could this be making him insecure about sex?

If that is what you really want to know, just ask him. The rest of your post is unnecessary.

> How should I react when rude strangers make comments

Do nothing. Their conversations are not your business. If I were in this situation, and you went out of your way to stand up for me when I was clearly being passive, I would probably break up with you. If I feel the need to insult someone, I don't need a lackey to do it for me. Just my two cents.

  • [-]
  • through_a_ways
  • 1 Points
  • 05:21:19, 13 April

>Guys will start hitting on me or trying to touch me even though it is obvious I am there on a date, and when I turn them down, they pretend to act all surprised ("Ohh this is your boyfriend? Sorry bro didn't realize!") Guys have randomly shouted things like "Nice job!" to him on the street, or mutter things like "I don't get it" within earshot.

If someone told me "nice job" with respect to my girlfriend, I wouldn't take it as an insult. The others sound rude, though.

Out of curiosity, how is he not conventionally attractive? Short? Bald?

  • [-]
  • stares_at_screens
  • 1 Points
  • 05:44:09, 13 April

This has a lot to do with where you're hanging out. Drunk guys in bars are going to jerks to attractive women. Especially in certain cities.

I'm guessing these guys would be harassing you if you were alone. Your boyfriend sounds passive, so they see him as unlikely to challenge them for being jerks.

It's very common for attractive women to date unattractive men, it's totally accepted in our society. The reverse gets much worst treatment, believe it or not.

I think you should avoid these places. And your boyfriend is going to need to develop some thicker skin and more confidence. At 26, he should be over this stuff. All you can do is make sure he knows you're really into him.

  • [-]
  • amegblenke
  • 1 Points
  • 05:54:50, 13 April

I would personally say ignore it. People annoy others because they are jealous of what they can not have, which in your situation is a pretty stable relationship. I would, also, recommend talking to him and asking him how he feels about the situation? Maybe he hasn't even noticed or just doesn't care. The nervousness might be caused by the "beauty" aspect of your situation. He still hasn't fully understood that you are truly his. Some guys take a while to realize that a female loves them for more than their looks - other than money, which doesn't seem to apply in your situation, I hope- and is nervous that he can loses you at anytime and doesn't want to get too attached.

  • [-]
  • caj12377
  • 1 Points
  • 06:01:04, 13 April

You guys must wander in the shitty side of town; those are jealous guys...yell out a Bugs Bunny "Shaat-upp"

  • [-]
  • saxonjf
  • 1 Points
  • 06:01:08, 13 April

Once there's a ring on your finger, it'll slow down somewhat.

  • [-]
  • digdilem
  • 1 Points
  • 06:07:52, 13 April

Might not fit every situation, but;

Rude jerk: "Why are you with that dork?" You: "He has a massive d*** and knows how to use it." / "He satisfies me in a way no other man can"

Your boyfriend would probably like this (men love to be known as a stud), but at the end of the day, if he has a problem with this, it's his problem. Might be worth talking to him about it to reinforce it's not a problem for you.

  • [-]
  • whichrandomguy
  • 1 Points
  • 06:19:51, 13 April

The biggest thing is making sure that your bf feels confident while denying the "competition". I would say that you just say that they would not be able to compete with a man like him.

LOTS of guys are complete douche-bags, while others just get carried away. You know who you like and that is all that matters.

  • [-]
  • stinger503
  • 1 Points
  • 06:21:20, 13 April

Follow the instructions as shown in this video. http://youtu.be/CTRy2pXPUrY Done.

  • [-]
  • mungbeen
  • 1 Points
  • 07:18:14, 13 April

If you love him it doesn't matter. We all end up ugly in the end. It's far better to fall for someone you enjoy talking to rather than looking at. You're going to need to converse long after the canvas has faded.

  • [-]
  • Sunjammer0037
  • 1 Points
  • 07:18:34, 13 April

Not to sound sexist or something, but despite what most guys on the internet say, I've noticed that guys are generally much more mean towards unattractive people, both guys and girl, especially obese ones. And they're the ones to use the stupid 1-10 rating system or pull out-of-your-league bullshit. Not to mention that I've seen plenty of hot girls with not "conventionally attractive" guys, but I've yet to see a hot guy with a plain or homely girl.

Of course, women gossip too, and they put pressure on other women to look prettier, but I think they're generally less forgiving when it comes to looks.

  • [-]
  • Decker87
  • 1 Points
  • 07:19:56, 13 April

This happens with myself and my GF fairly often. I just say "I know, right?".

  • [-]
  • Papasmurf143
  • 1 Points
  • 07:25:48, 13 April

you could just pull some PDA in front of them whenever that happens, or get really ooey gooey lovey dovey with him. just be really in-your-face about how little you care about their opinion.

as for his confidence, compliment him more, make him feel good about himself. build him up so that it is harder to tear him down.

  • [-]
  • RottMaster
  • 1 Points
  • 07:38:15, 13 April

Just say his penis is huge

  • [-]
  • nanozeus2014
  • 1 Points
  • 07:40:35, 13 April

They are just jealous because you're hot. Fuck the haters

  • [-]
  • Sileniced
  • 1 Points
  • 07:56:04, 13 April

If the mood is correct for absurd humor, you can say that you've kidnapped his family and friends.

This is something from some comedy skitch on YouTube.

  • [-]
  • Questionforaquestion
  • 1 Points
  • 04:01:30, 13 April

If your man ever feels down about the way he looks, tell him, "Obviously you are attractive because you are dating a woman like me." If that doesn't work, remark, "Would you prefer to be attractive to a-hole men or attractive to me?"

If someone were to say that to me, I would just laugh in their face and say, "Ha ha, well obviously I am more attractive than you because I am with the woman. You may need to think about your life choices and really understand what satisfies women."

If that is really what is affecting your love life, it is important to remind him that you are with him and that counts for something. I would say that more likely he is just nervous to be with such an attractive woman as he never thought he would be with someone so beautiful.

Hope this helps

  • [-]
  • zero_space
  • -5 Points
  • 02:12:06, 13 April

His nervousness is probably because he isn't used to being with a girl as pretty as you make your self sound out to be (Kind of vein sounding to be honest). Just ignore them. Tell every single guy that says "He's out of your league" that you think he's hot, or maybe "Well, I guess that puts you in an entirely different sport then doesn't it?". Always tell them that you are attracted to him. It will make them shut up and your friends or whoever will eventually stop.

As for the guys bugging you on dates, tell them that you're on a date and you're not interested and that it is rude to approach a woman who is a stranger to you in such a manner.

As for the men randomly shouting "Nice job!", it probably makes him feel good honestly. It would for me.

Ignore the "I don't get it". People won't. It is strange for someone to date another person so far above or beneath what they should be able to attract. It's why beautiful people date beautiful people, average dates average, and ugly dates ugly. It's why if there is an incredibly obese woman with a boyfriend... chances are that guy is really fucking fat. 6's dates 5-7. 3's date 2-4. So on and so forth. Generally speaking anyway. There are outliers, but this is more or less the ugly truth of the dating world. So it isn't wrong for these strangers or your friends to be perplexed by your choice, but it is wrong for them to be dicks about it.

  • [-]
  • AFormidableContender
  • -9 Points
  • 01:30:58, 13 April

Firstly, you have to recognize that this isn't your issue to bear. It's his. It's his job to be strong enough to be able to not be phased by it, and take it in stride. Dude has a good looking girl. Guess what? Good looking girls are going to get hit on, regardless of the men they're with. Quite frankly, it's not even the guys hitting on you's fault that they're hitting on you and making him uncomfortable. That's a fairly shallow, and intellectually dihonest fashion of looking at the social dynamics at play. He has to learn confidence, and if he was confident, he'd make light of it and be jovial. Perhaps even joking about setting you and the guys up, something like that.

Secondly, he has to learn to accept that people are going to tool him because he is socially valued as sub-par in comparison to his SO. That's life. As far as him being nervous to be with you, It's always a man's job to accept that his romantic interests are going to do what they're going to do, and people are going to treat him as I've stated in my previous point. His only option is to make sure he's the best version of himself he can be, and not be tooled by guys looking to steal you away. If you're with him at the end of the day, that already should say something. The best way for him to show confidence would be to be able to joke about it and pretend to set you and a dude hitting on you up.

  • [-]
  • KitsBeach
  • 4 Points
  • 04:21:31, 13 April

She doesn't want to teach him life lessons, mainly because she's not a callous asshole. She actually cares about this guy and wants to help lessen the hit to his feelings however she can.

  • [-]
  • AFormidableContender
  • -2 Points
  • 05:43:08, 13 April

>She doesn't want to teach him life lessons, mainly because she's not a callous asshole.

No one suggested she did.

>She actually cares about this guy and wants to help lessen the hit to his feelings however she can.

She can't. It's his issue to deal with.

  • [-]
  • KitsBeach
  • 2 Points
  • 05:53:11, 13 April

I'm sorry you feel this way.

  • [-]
  • AFormidableContender
  • 1 Points
  • 06:19:36, 13 April

...? Ok.

  • [-]
  • KitsBeach
  • 1 Points
  • 07:39:15, 13 April

These comments affect him. Sure, it would be great if they didn't. But they do, and OP wants to lessen the impact they have on him. The responses in this thread provide a slew of ways OP can help do just that. You are saying the only person who can change this situation is OPs boyfriend. That is a very Lone Wolf mentality to have, and I am sorry that is how you see the world.

We all have the capacity to lessen each other's suffering in some way, however small.