We've been engaged 7 months, but my girlfriend won't let me move in. Is this normal? (self.sex)
23 ups - 13 downs = 10 votes
I'm 37 and she's 30. Dated casually for about 8 years total. She moved away, had a child because of a health scare, ended up the guy kicked her out as soon as she had the baby. We started dating casually again when her son was 1, and seriously for about 1 1/2 years now. We've been engaged 7 months (her son is now 3 years, 3 months old)
Solely due to finances (I have my own business, ran into some tax issues with the economy, working to get straight will take a couple years total) we can't have the nice wedding she wants until Sept. 2015. (she refuses to have a courthouse wedding).
I work long hard hours, and pay part of (her) household bills, and exclusively pay for any joint outings. Her son and I get along great. He and I want me to be there when he goes to bed and when he wakes up, and to take him to pre-school.
My job is stressful, paying for all of this is even more so. I don't have my own place, she does. I don't feel welcome where I stay. I want to come home, spend time with my family (which I've never really had a family before) and fall asleep next to my fiancée after a long day.
I especially feel since I provide for the household, and even after working 60 to 80 hours a week I come home and do nearly all of the chores (dishes, laundry, straightening up after a 3 year old, etc) that I should actually be able to live in the household I pay for.
At first her excuse was that she didn't want to have sex until we were married. And that sleeping together (staying the night) would lead to sex. We had fooled around a lot, but hadn't had tab a into slot b sex yet. Which I was willing to live with, even though she certainly had had pre-martial sex with several partners, including 2 former fiancees. Both I could appreciate where she was coming from.
Then out of the blue one night, she decides to have sex (with me LOL) and multiple times since. This wasn't based on any pressure from me.
Now she says that people shouldn't live together before marriage. And that I shouldn't keep pressuring her. That she gave me sex, so I should just be happy with that.
It really is draining on me emotionally, because again, I provide for this househould, I don't feel comfortable where I stay, her son wants me there, I don't want to miss out on the next year and a half (or more) of his life until we get married.
So, am I wrong for being upset, and pressuring her. Or is she right, that people shouldn't live together before marriage? What can I do to convince her?
12 comments submitted at 12:25:21 on Apr 15, 2014 by sexhelp911