[UPDATE] My wife has lost all interest in sex, and says this is normal for married couples. (self.AskMen)
233 ups - 50 downs = 183 votes
Hello friends, I posted here a while back and got some very detailed advice.
TL;DR of original post: Basically the title. Wife of one year only has vanilla sex infrequently and doesn't seem to enjoy it, also makes me feel bad for wanting more/kinky stuff.
I took the biggest advice I was getting here, which was to talk to her openly about it and make it clear that both of us needed to compromise and have our sexual needs met. At first, I asked her to go see a counselor with me like a lot of you suggested. She was vehemently against it (it has to do with her past unrelated experiences with a counselor, she swears she'll never go to one again because they are useless.)
So I said, "okay but you have to talk to me completely openly and don't hold anything back. Answer all my questions". She agreed.
For the next two hours of so, we talked a lot. At first, she was just hinting at some mental blocks she was having but I finally got out more information from her. Turns out that even though she regrets a lot of her past sex and abusive exes, she still misses the variety of sex with a lot of different people / different styles / different sizes / etc. She tried comparing it to a food buffet, where if you only eat bread it'll start to taste bland after a while. After we were done talking (well, it was more of an argument at this point) she started crying and said she didn't want to tell me this because she loves me as a husband and doesn't want me to feel bad. But she doesn't know how to solve her issue.
I was pretty hurt as this conversation went on. I know she was experienced while I have only been with 1 one-night stand before meeting her, so I was hardly a Casanova in bed. But I tried earnestly to learn what she liked and to spice it up during our dating phase, and I thought she enjoyed it too! So now I'm thinking wtf, if she enjoyed it then did she just start getting bored of my sexual ability later on?
So she started crying, and I comforted her. But at the same time, I made it clear that we were gonna have to solve our problem somehow, we can't just let it fester. She asked me to wear a dildo while having sex with her because she said a lot of her previous partners were well-endowed and that even though I'm a great lover, she misses the variety of exploring different sized penises.
I'm angry, Reddit. Angry not only because she strung me along like this for so long without telling what was the matter, but also it just makes me feel like such a small man to be asked to wear a dildo during sex and pretend to be someone I'm not. Maybe I'm not the biggest guy out there but I've put my heart and soul into making this girl as satisfied as possible - sexually, romantically, platonically, financially, whatever! And now being told that from now on, she wants me to wear extra appendages because somehow she's lost her attraction with my body and wants more.
How do I take it from here? I don't know how many of you have been told straight-up that you are inadequate, but it really does make me feel like a piece of shit. If I wear a synthetic penis when having sex with her, every time I put it on I'll be reminded that I'm not good enough for her. I can't go through with it, definitely not forever. But I fear that if I refuse, she might withdraw even more and then the worst could happen. Separation. Divorce. Who knows.
I love this girl with all my heart and I still think she loves me equally. But I don't understand why she would make a vow of marriage while still longing for her past sexual experiences, why she can't just enjoy me for who I am. And I feel pretty hurt because that implies she pretended to enjoy me for the last two years before getting married, or it somehow magically dried up recently. I don't know what to think anymore, or do.
TL;DR: My wife says she misses the variety of having a diverse sexual experience with different people. Asked me to put on a dildo while having sex from now on, just to see if that would help give her that variety back. I don't want to do it.
254 comments submitted at 16:21:01 on Apr 25, 2014 by StockholmSynd