I’m a terrible person and a gold digger - but at least I know it. (self.confession)

confession

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Feel free to tear me a new one. I was married six years ago to a guy who I had instant attraction to, we dated for 10 months, and he proposed to me. He was pretty much everything you could ask for - good looking, hard working, good guy - but the big issue was that he only made $55K per year and we fought a lot and he had a bad temper at times. I admit that I provoked him a lot. It was also hard to watch as my co-workers husbands starting getting promotions at their jobs and my husband wasn’t making any progress in his line of work. I fell out of love with him, and the idea of having sex with him started to repulse me. We were always broke and house poor.

During a rough spot in our marriage, I developed a friendship with an executive in the company I worked for. He makes $175K per year, he drives a Lexus, had his own house, he was very funny and respected by our peers. He was getting promoted each year. I will be honest that he is not good looking at all, and he is quite overweight, and he’s a jerk at times, but I was just DRAWN to him. He started texting me, and while it was never dirty stuff, I knew what we both wanted.

I had a bad fight with my husband, and he wanted out. To be honest, I’m glad he decided to end it…because all I could think about was my co-worker. I filed, he cried his eyes out, moved out, and I began my relationship with my co-worker before my divorce was finalized. I didn’t think about my ex-husband at all after that.

I’ve been divorced for nearly two years now - but about six months ago karma hit me in the face. I stalked my ex-husbands Facebook page and was shocked to find he was also in a new relationship with this beautiful woman and she looks like a f__king model. Not only that, he moved out of our town and to the most beautiful city in our state and started working for this huge company. I stalked his salary on Glassdoor and found out that people in his position at his job make $140K per year. So yeah, like a jealous b_tch, I started crying and got really depressed.

To add to all of this fun, my boyfriend has proposed to me, and I’ve accepted. We are getting married in a few months. OK - so you want the shocker? Every time I have sex with my now fiancé, I pretend it’s my ex-husband because he’s better looking. I still stalk his Facebook page, and he seems to look hotter in every new photo I see of him. I hate and envy him.

I’m a gold digger. I’ve always been. I wasn't going to get the big house with my ex-husband, but would've if i would have stuck with him.

I judge everyone on the clothes they wear, the car they drive, the house they live in, and salary. I’m pretty much set for life with my fiancé and we’re planning to build a home next year that we be close to $500K, but if my ex-husband were to walk through the door right now I’d be having sex with him by the end of the night.

I suck and should be killed.

9 comments submitted at 05:05:20 on Jun 19, 2014 by lynn81

  • [-]
  • torrplex
  • 4 Points
  • 08:08:11, 19 June

> Feel free to tear me a new one.

> I wasn't going to get the big house with my ex-husband, but would've if i would have stuck with him.

Bullshit, you were holding him back. Had you not been what you are that house could have been a reality. I'm curious, how much money does a person like you make? Enjoy this next marriage while it lasts!

  • [-]
  • lynn81
  • 2 Points
  • 11:11:12, 19 June

I make $45K per year in HR.

  • [-]
  • BadLeroyBrown
  • 6 Points
  • 05:51:13, 19 June

Ha

  • [-]
  • porcia918
  • 3 Points
  • 05:50:41, 19 June

I've heard the expression that if you marry for money, you'll work for every penny.

It hardly sounds like you have a terrible life, but if you are miserable inside because of Guilt, no amount of money or fancy handbags will fix that.

The antidote for some of this would be to do some things that can make you proud of yourself. Something where you're thinking of others and not just yourself.

  • [-]
  • lynn81
  • 0 Points
  • 10:59:49, 19 June

My goal in life is to have children and raise a family, which is expensive, but I still want to have fun and be able to afford nice things. I'll be perfectly honest in that I don't have many hobbies other than going out - which I we never did when I was married because I didn't like my husbands friends very much (they were the hippy / triathlete / vegan types) and my co-workers secretly talk behind my back a lot so we didn't go out with them either. Like I said, this was all on me.

With my new fiance, he is well connected at our company and so we are going out all the time with the other executives.

I have suffered through depression my entire life...but haven't felt down until I saw my ex-husbands new girlfriend.

  • [-]
  • Gabrielleofthewaters
  • 2 Points
  • 05:42:30, 19 June

You shouldn't be killed but I think you need to really figure out why material things matter more to you than the things that really matter in life. Is it the security you want out are you worried about what other people will think of you. You'll never be happy if you constantly focus on money and things. Someone will always have more than you financially

  • [-]
  • DoomEmpires
  • 1 Points
  • 09:11:37, 19 June

Tough dilemma here. You might be condemned (by yourself) to be unhappy the rest of your life.

  • [-]
  • aitch_goo
  • 1 Points
  • 05:40:58, 19 June

uuuuggggh.. It sounds like you are caught up with money and possessions and you don't really love either of these men. I don't really have any advice for you because when I feel somebody in my life is a gold digger, I try to stay as far away as I can.

"Each possession I own is but a stone around my neck" - Albert Einstein

  • [-]
  • lynn81
  • 0 Points
  • 11:10:13, 19 June

I think I do love my ex-husband, but fell out of love with him about year into marriage because I fell in love with my current fiance and fantasized about being with him. I think my new marriage will be better than my last because my fiance is not nearly as sexual or likes PDA like my ex-husband - so we aligned more there.

When I think of sex, I think about attractive men like my ex-husband and admittedly he has gotten more attractive since we've split. He gained some muscle, and the fact that he's got someone pretty in his life makes me jealous and respect him more. Yeah, this sounds bad.