I was excluded from my friend's party at a club because I'm "fat and ugly." (self.TwoXChromosomes)

TwoXChromosomes

272 ups - 0 downs = 272 votes

One of my good friends had a birthday last night, which was a two-part event. The first bit was a big group dinner at a sushi place in Brooklyn, which was great! Really fun!

The second part involved going to a rooftop club in Manhattan, and that's where everything went to shit.

Apparently, she had been promised by a promoter friend that she could get all her friends in and free bottles all night. (I should point out that this friend - let's call her Maria - is absolutely stunning, though she doesn't think so - she's about 5'9", long blonde hair, looks like she should be playing a teenager on a CW show. She grew up chubby with bad acne in a family of Eastern European immigrants, so she's still incredibly self-effacing and I don't think she realizes that her looks open doors for her that don't open for other people.) When our group of maybe 11 people gets to this club, however, Maria's promoter friend comes down, looks us over, and goes "I can only take the five prettiest girls. You, you, you, you, and you are fine, but if you're fat or not wearing heels, you have to pay the $50 cover."

So that's pretty gross, first of all. Completely goes against my entire ethos of what constitutes a "good time" - if you're having to stand outside some shitty club in Times Square (TIMES FUCKING SQUARE, IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS SOME HIGH-CLASS PLACE) while a ratty-faced Jean-Ralphio lookalike tells you which of your friends aren't pretty enough to get into said shitty club, that's not fun! Who's having fun?

Anyway, Maria takes him aside and talks to him for a couple minutes, then comes back and takes me and our other friend aside and goes "Look, I feel really bad, but he says that you guys don't fit the 'image' of this place, and you two definitely have to pay the cover, but I can get everyone else in. Is that okay? Or should we just go somewhere else?" And then when we said, "Well, maybe we should go somewhere else, that's kind of elitist and gross," she goes, "Ugh, I know, but I promised these people I'd come and I made the reservation a week ago..."

Anyway, we ended up not going up at all. Fuck that. I'm not going to pay $50 to listen to music I hate in a place that thinks I'm too fat/ugly to be there. But now I've just felt like garbage ever since. I'm not even that fat, I don't think - maybe my outfit wasn't flattering, but I don't normally go to places like that, so I had to improvise with whatever I owned. And the thing is, I've been feeling really good about how I look lately, but that's just... gone now.

Ugh. I'm sorry. I just don't understand how you can actually have fun at a place that prides itself on excluding people on the basis of their appearance. Have fun with your bottle service and shitty music, assholes.

ETA: Since this has apparently hit the front page or whatever, a few points of clarity: this isn't about "expecting special treatment," it's about expecting to be treated like a human being. Regardless of whatever club culture is like - and I wouldn't know, because I don't go to them - it fucking hurts to be called ugly and fat. I was bullied over my looks from elementary school until I graduated from high school, and was told to kill myself so that people wouldn't have to look at me more than once. I know I'm not particularly attractive, but I'm normally able to compartmentalize my self-worth and feel good about myself anyway. But all it takes is one really well-placed negative comment to make you feel awful about yourself.

Also, I feel like I need to reiterate that I don't own "club-appropriate" clothing. I don't feel comfortable in things that are short, tight, or cleavage-bearing, let alone all three at once. Normally, I get a lot of compliments on my personal style, but the outfit I put together was the flashiest thing I own. I tried, and it was just another reminder that I'm essentially failing at being a woman. Whatever. Fuck me, right?

297 comments submitted at 17:19:28 on Aug 9, 2014 by GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS

  • [-]
  • PremeditatedViolets
  • 238 Points
  • 22:07:30, 9 August

Well fuck. I aspire to be as fat and ugly as you.

  • [-]
  • gonejellyfishin77
  • 36 Points
  • 04:24:09, 10 August

lol me too! I can show that bouncer what fat and ugly really is!! Throw some old in there as well!

  • [-]
  • TheLaramieReject
  • 377 Points
  • 17:45:56, 9 August

Good lord, girl, you're not even overweight. I can't see anything wrong with you at all. The only thing I can think is that you looked a little artsy for that asshole's aesthetic, but you looked lovely. And even if you looked horrible, even if you were three hundred pounds in jogging shorts, your friends should have stuck by you. So I say: fuck that promoter, and fuck your "friends" who went in without you. There is no way you should let the birthday girl, or anyone else who actually went in, slide. They should have stood up for you. I hope you stand up for yourself now and let them know exactly how they let you down.

Past that, here's my advice: go put on an outfit that you really love, and get out of your house. Go buy some lipgloss or something and get yourself lunch. Notice people noticing your pretty self, because they will.

  • [-]
  • GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS
  • 134 Points
  • 18:10:02, 9 August

Ha, "artsy." Yeah, almost everyone else was in tight bodycon dresses and I looked a little out of place in my Ann Taylor and Kate Spade, and the other girl who didn't get in has tattoos and a pierced nose, so that might have done it. But still - the crux of the issue is that it shouldn't matter what I was wearing or how much I weigh. I think places that thrive on exclusivity are fucking terrible. I'll never understand the appeal of waiting in line to be told whether or not you're hot enough to go into a club and pay upwards of $500 for bottle service and tinnitus. But I guess I'm just stodgy in that way.

  • [-]
  • BonetaBelle
  • 66 Points
  • 20:22:52, 9 August

What an asshole. If I was your friend, I would have left immediately. You're not even chubby, let alone fat. Even if you were, the bouncer should never be able to single you out and make you pay cover. I think maybe it was your outfit because you look really good to me. :) It's a cute outfit but if the cover was $50, I assume it was one of those places where women are expected to wear tons of makeup, a skintight dress and 7 inch heels. Those places are never worth going into anyways. So don't let the incident hurt your confidence.

  • [-]
  • triplehelix_
  • 30 Points
  • 23:12:20, 9 August

i'm old now but spent my late teens, early twenties going to clubs in ny. i promise you it had more to do with you not having that glitzy club vibe going on then you being fat, especially since you are not fat.

  • [-]
  • alradr
  • 66 Points
  • 19:03:32, 9 August

Your Kate Spade and Ann Taylor look looks hip but demure; it'd be what I'd pick for a night on the town over any body con dress. You keep on keeping on in that fierce yellow skirt. :)

  • [-]
  • TheLaramieReject
  • 22 Points
  • 18:48:28, 9 August

That's what I'm saying. The club making money off making people feel horrible is one crux of the issue; the other is that your friends supported an establishment like that.

I've never been to a club, never lived in a city that really had one. Closest thing was "club nights" at certain bars where they'd play dance music and people would dress up. I've always thought the exclusivity was overblown for television and movies. It's hard for me to imagine a real-life line of people waiting to be told whether or not they're "acceptable." Nobody could possibly make a living telling people they're ugly, right? What is the appeal, anyway? In movies the clubs always just look hot, crowded, and loud.

For your entertainment, HERE is a clip from the show "What Would You Do?" with a bouncer telling a girl she needs to step on a scale in order to be admitted to the club. People's reactions are pretty priceless.

  • [-]
  • JupiterWhite
  • 5 Points
  • 19:55:14, 9 August

Great clip. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

  • [-]
  • stixy_stixy
  • 3 Points
  • 11:21:52, 10 August

Good link!! But it made me soo angry. Especially those guys telling her not to be so sensitive, and to laugh it off. Gaaaaahhhhhdddd

  • [-]
  • CountVonTroll
  • 1 Points
  • 13:44:25, 10 August

> Ha, "artsy."

Yeah, that's what I thought, too. That's pretty much the look a large share of the art students at the uni I went to were going for. The picture also confused me for a moment, because the mental image I had had while I read your story was that you would at the very least be noticeably overweight and the picture just seemed entirely unrelated to what you had written.

To me, it seems as if there simply was a fundamental misunderstanding. Maria had thought her "friend" would be doing her a favor, when he was just doing his job. Think about how such a club works. They have two ways of making money, at the door and at the bar. "Hot chicks" that match the "exclusive" image the club likes to promote get in for free. They contribute to the environment the people the club is seeking to attract are willing to pay for to feel like they're a part of something. They're so important that some clubs go a step further and pay them to come. To put it crassly, your "fault" was that you weren't dressed like a girl a guy would try to impress by buying her expensive drinks in the hope to take home a trophy. (As a guy who came here via /r/all, however, you do look the type of girl I would have wanted to strike up a conversation with among those others that "look the part", but then again I don't frequent those kind of clubs, either.)

Anyway, you know your friend better than we do, so it seems like to her it ended up being a bait-and-switch that put her in a position that she just didn't know how to handle. Either way, this promoter guy seems like an asshole.
If you're going to write a review, I suggest the line "I don't like being called fat by staff at the door (I'm X lbs / Y ft)" because it will keep the overwhelming majority of women away and many of them, including you, would be the kind the club "needs" if only they dressed "the right way", and if the women stay away the men will, too.

  • [-]
  • CreatedThisJustNow
  • 12 Points
  • 04:08:59, 10 August

> But still - the crux of the issue is that it shouldn't matter what I was wearing or how much I weigh.

The thing is, you're not really a customer at a nightclub. You're more of the product. If you won't help them attract male high-spenders, then they want you to pay the cover. Shady as hell, but common and somewhat understandable.

  • [-]
  • rasputincatthing
  • 19 Points
  • 04:34:02, 10 August

I want to never ever go to anyplace like that ever.

  • [-]
  • CreatedThisJustNow
  • 8 Points
  • 04:43:59, 10 August

Yeah, I'm pretty done with it too.

  • [-]
  • gumballhassassin
  • 3 Points
  • 12:39:35, 10 August

I'm glad clubs in Australia (or at least all the ones I've been in) don't do that, everyone gets in. Only letting some people in is a pretty shit thing to do

  • [-]
  • picklesitter
  • 1 Points
  • 13:59:56, 10 August

> I think places that thrive on exclusivity are fucking terrible.

Not to mention the fact that men don't need looks to get in.

  • [-]
  • cts3seto
  • 6 Points
  • 04:05:48, 10 August

You're really not fat. I'm a girl about your height and weight and people are always telling me to eat more. Lol. Gosh.... I don't like those crowds. All go go go and plastic, no enjoyment. I'm very sorry.

  • [-]
  • setsumaeu
  • 105 Points
  • 17:28:25, 9 August

You know what though, you clearly win forever for the insult "ratty-faced Jean Ralphio lookalike"

  • [-]
  • feman0n
  • 10 Points
  • 22:40:05, 9 August

I think that actor is actually quite attractive... but you're right, this girl has sass and wit in spades. No way should she feel badly about ANYTHING involving herself.

  • [-]
  • xoKayleigh
  • 1 Points
  • 13:44:11, 10 August

That promoter was...

yeah I know the pronouns don't match :( But seriously OP you look great! I'm somewhat tall (5'8") and I kinda wish I was shorter :/

  • [-]
  • notdeadanymore
  • 201 Points
  • 17:39:21, 9 August

I'm confused. You're a babe. I'm struggling to imagine that you have nine friends better looking than you.

That's not really the point, however... I am so not impressed with Maria. If someone said I could get all my friends into a club for my birthday, then turned around and suggested some of my friends weren't good looking enough?! Fuck that guy. I'd tell him he was gross and disgusting and then tell my friends I was sorry, I'd been lied to, let's go have fun somewhere else.

I cannot believe she tried to ask you if it was okay.

Go back to feeling good about how you look, cause you look great and you're also not a shitty human being. Two for you!

  • [-]
  • GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS
  • 70 Points
  • 18:05:09, 9 August

I think the issue with Maria is more that she's just incredibly naive and a big people pleaser. I could tell that she did genuinely feel bad, but we tried to make the best judgment we could - her sorority friends were super intent on getting in and having a good time, and me and the other girl who chose to leave were upfront about clubs not being our scene anyway. It was a shitty situation, but I feel like my telling of it doesn't really do her justice - I don't blame her so much as the douchebag who went back on his word as soon as he realized that not all of the girls she was with were going to be 5'10" Albanian models.

  • [-]
  • Flamingooo
  • 74 Points
  • 22:24:46, 9 August

She sounds like a friend I had, really insecure but a lot of people liked her. In the end she turned out to be a really shitty friend and cared more about the attention she get from everyone to boost her low self esteem then to be a proper friend. Not saying Maria is exactly like that but her low self esteem + people pleaser attitude left you as her friend standing in the cold. She should have left with you or paid for you instead of expecting you to shell 50 bucks or GTFO. I do not want to come off as rude but I see more excuses for that girl then positive things and that makes me sad :/

  • [-]
  • catastrophe_calliope
  • 5 Points
  • 05:59:25, 10 August

This is correct.

  • [-]
  • snaps09
  • 29 Points
  • 02:38:07, 10 August

I don't understand why the 8(?) of you couldn't split the $100 for you and your friend to get in...?

I get it, the situation was shitty, and it's totally not my thing either--recreationally or on principle. but if that's what the "group" wanted to do, you're all still getting a steal just splitting two covers.

  • [-]
  • ohkitty
  • 20 Points
  • 05:17:13, 10 August

It's not even about the money, I wouldn't go to a place full of shitty people like that, not even if they paid me the 50 bucks.

  • [-]
  • spazmodial
  • 10 Points
  • 05:58:51, 10 August

Yeah. If you really wanted in, I'd agree with this sort of thing - rather than her singling out the 'problem' individual and asking them personally, making them feel bad.

I don't think OP should make excuses for Maria - that was really horrible behaviour towards a friend.

  • [-]
  • kepeca
  • 3 Points
  • 08:41:20, 10 August

She's young, insecure and a bit rough around the edges. We're all stupid about different things.

She'll probably learn.

  • [-]
  • phlipp
  • 6 Points
  • 10:21:34, 10 August

So the bouncer that doesn't know you at all and is doing his job (a shitty job, but it is what he does) is completely at fault. But you are making excuses for your friend who allowed you to get turned away, and didn't take your feelings into consideration at all?

  • [-]
  • Irishtigerlily
  • 70 Points
  • 17:36:49, 9 August

Let me point out you're not fat, nor are you ugly.

Second, what a shitty thing for a friend to do. I don't care if you promised anybody that you're going to be in for drinks, you don't do that to your friends. She should have been outraged, not siding with them simply because she made reservations.

Clubs like that are ridiculous and frankly, if that happened to me I would be contacting the owner of the place as well as leaving a nasty review of the place online.

Do NOT let these assholes bring down your confidence because we all have beautiful qualities. Beauty is so over rated in my world, as I care for the elderly. No one cares what they look like, rather you're deemed a beloved person for who you are and what you've accomplished.

Put your head up girl, because you are your own advocate. I'm not a stunning woman, but damn sure I act like one!

  • [-]
  • cyanste
  • 22 Points
  • 23:21:29, 9 August

> Second, what a shitty thing for a friend to do.

Totally agree. Your friend would rather please a club and keep a reservation rather than continue having fun with all friends present ... common. Does she genuinely feel bad after the fact?

  • [-]
  • reallyboredtonight
  • 3 Points
  • 11:15:13, 10 August

It's kind of hard to please everyone on your birthday though, especially if not everyone knows each other. I mean obviously it was an expensive club to get into, so they probably really wanted the experience. I think OP would rather have left (or even pay the cover) than potentially spoil the night for her friend by looking around for clubs which will let every girl in for free. They shouldn't have called her fat and ugly though, that's so mean.

  • [-]
  • GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS
  • 27 Points
  • 18:01:39, 9 August

Oh god, thank you. Yeah, I'm going to write some sort of strongly-worded review at the very least. I can forgive my friend, because she's genuinely a sweet person, but she's really naive and was trying to please too many people at once. It ended up making her look a little shitty, but my other Ugly Friend (who, by the way, is really striking - imagine the love child of Kat Dennings and Lorde - so I have no idea what that promoter was on) and I made the choice to leave, and it seems like everyone else ended up having a good time anyway.

  • [-]
  • Irishtigerlily
  • 6 Points
  • 04:11:01, 10 August

Regardless, even if I were in a group of people and didn't know one of the girls that was spoken to like that...? There are other things you can do besides to a club. I for one always found bowling with a bunch of crappy beer and trying not to look like an idiot in a skirt is much more enjoyable.

  • [-]
  • sunnydaize
  • 3 Points
  • 08:42:14, 10 August

Nope sorry I'm gonna have to go with your friend is either spineless, a dick, or a combination of the two. Ps idk if you work in advertising or something but pretty much no one in nyc takes promoters seriously. Just some food for thought. :)

  • [-]
  • mudclub
  • 39 Points
  • 17:47:04, 9 August

Good lord, is $50 cover for clubbing actually a thing?

  • [-]
  • KendraSays
  • 42 Points
  • 22:38:12, 9 August

If I paid 50 dollars for a club I would expect Chris Evans to carry me from the dance floor to the bar every time I wanted to order a drink. Does the 50 dollars include a nibble of Paris' birthday cake. Why the feck is it so expensive?!

  • [-]
  • catfingers64
  • 11 Points
  • 03:19:09, 10 August

Because it's exclusive

  • [-]
  • GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS
  • 16 Points
  • 17:57:03, 9 August

It is in New York, I guess. I never go to clubs here, so I can only assume that's the norm.

  • [-]
  • DC-85
  • 5 Points
  • 07:09:09, 10 August

Closer to $10-$20 here, but $50 in a major city and a major section of that city doesn't sound too wrong. This is a rooftop club in the heart of Manhattan we're talking about; $50 sounds pretty damned cheap, honestly.

  • [-]
  • stopgo42
  • 10 Points
  • 19:10:32, 9 August

Heh $50 is great in certain areas of NY. It's absolutely disgusting but it comes with the finance (read: money focused) culture of alot of the city

  • [-]
  • GoGoAwesome
  • 18 Points
  • 23:01:50, 9 August

You look good to me. I also think 'Maria' is starting to realize her looks opens doors, because a real friend would have told the bouncers to eff off.

  • [-]
  • Maggiemayday
  • 25 Points
  • 22:06:48, 9 August

Your outfit is cute and stylish, and if you are "fat and ugly", I am a decrepit beast from the lowest depths of the ocean. Gah, clubs and bouncers suck.

  • [-]
  • bDgg
  • 53 Points
  • 18:31:07, 9 August

I think this was honestly your friend's fault. She should have talked to the promoter and asked exactly how many people she could bring, asked if there were any conditions at all which may lead someone to be turned away, as well as warned everyone that there still could be a possibility of needing to pay and that she planned on entering regardless.

The bouncer wasn't diplomatic about it, but he doesn't make the rules. Asking to let 6 women in a club with a $50 cover charge for free isn't a small thing, and it could come round to bite him in the butt, whether this was "set up" or not.

I don't think your outfit helped you. There is nothing wrong with it, I actually think it's pretty cute and fun and everyone seems to agree, but it doesn't stand out as especially polished or sultry/sexy. If the bouncer needed to cut someone it wouldn't be your biggest asset, particularly in such an expensive club.

  • [-]
  • MrCaul
  • 21 Points
  • 18:32:46, 9 August

Yeah, sounds like a shitty friend.

  • [-]
  • Cassandra_Anderson
  • 24 Points
  • 20:27:25, 9 August

>The bouncer wasn't diplomatic about it, but he doesn't make the rules.

That's putting it lightly. Telling people they're not pretty enough or too fat to get in is just inexcusable. I don't care what the "rules" are, if you work somewhere that requires you to trade in your humanity, you should find somewhere else to work.

  • [-]
  • bDgg
  • 37 Points
  • 21:14:06, 9 August

See, that's the thing. These aren't foreign ambassadors, or even ladies trying to sell you make up in the mall. Clubs are extremely superficial and if someone doesn't think you meet some kind of standard, you are treated poorly. They don't want everyone's business, especially those who aren't paying to enter. It actually benefits them to be rude, because the club gains a reputation for being cut throat and selective, which means if you actually are admitted not only is it a huge compliment, but the expectation is that you will be surrounded by extremely coveted people. He should not have been so honest and blunt, but he wasn't making up the rules, he was enforcing what the club instructed him to do. The cover charge is a good indication for how unfair the bouncers will be.

Some clubs even tell their bouncers to only admit certain numbers of people from different ethnicities. Clubs are nice once you get in, pretty horrible before then.

  • [-]
  • ReasonReader
  • 1 Points
  • 13:59:02, 10 August

I wonder how long this crap has been going on. The first time I heard about it was back during the "disco" phase, and it was in some story about Studio 54.

Many years later, I lived in a part of Chicago called Wrigleyville, and on the weekends I would see a lot of people lined up outside of bars on Clark street waiting to get snubbed at the door. I never saw the appeal, myself.

  • [-]
  • Cassandra_Anderson
  • -2 Points
  • 21:17:46, 9 August

Again I'll repeat, if you work somewhere that requires you trade in your humanity and empathy, you shouldn't work there. It's a BS copout to say he was just following rules.

  • [-]
  • bDgg
  • 23 Points
  • 21:29:55, 9 August

I'm not excusing his behavior, I'm explaining why a club may not have an issue with his conduct. Bouncers aren't hired for their empathy skills. Clubs are superficial and mean, especially when trying to get in for free.

  • [-]
  • roninmuffins
  • 7 Points
  • 23:03:15, 9 August

I think the point is that while bouncer is a people oriented job, neither empathy nor humanity are part of the required skillset. But hell, I don't really do clubs either so I don't know.

  • [-]
  • smort
  • 1 Points
  • 11:49:10, 10 August

This is pretty much standard procedure for men for many many clubs.

  • [-]
  • DC-85
  • 3 Points
  • 07:12:13, 10 August

> The bouncer wasn't diplomatic about it, but he doesn't make the rules.

Bouncers are not hired for tact or diplomacy. Their job is to ensure that only the people they want to let in get into the club. Sounds to me like he was being pretty nice about it; he could've just told OP and the other gal to get lost.

  • [-]
  • asharp
  • 22 Points
  • 21:32:22, 9 August

> Is that okay?

Is that okay?

Fucking astounding that she even asked.

  • [-]
  • allthecats
  • 7 Points
  • 05:13:13, 10 August

Right?! She should have gathered the other friends and paid up the $100 bucks on your behalf so that you would have felt included and backed up.

  • [-]
  • SpermJackalope
  • 38 Points
  • 18:36:38, 9 August

I'm gonna guess promoter-dude was put out because your skirt isn't short or tight enough to be club-style sexy. Club promoters never just want to give free stuff to women. They want a very specific looking woman that the type of guys who go to clubs will want to buy drinks for and generally pay money to try to hook up with. That skirt doesn't even look like it shows your butt clearly, how is he going to dangle you in front of men without your butt showing? /s

  • [-]
  • Accurate_Prediction
  • 19 Points
  • 19:50:34, 9 August

Why did you add a "/s" behind your post?

This is the exact reasoning used by the people who enforce dress codes at clubs.

  • [-]
  • SpermJackalope
  • 33 Points
  • 20:12:14, 9 August

Because I find that thought process so gross I wanted to make it completely clear I wasn't endorsing those ideas.

  • [-]
  • biscuitrat
  • 3 Points
  • 03:05:12, 10 August

/s is sometimes used to indicate sarcasm in text.

  • [-]
  • Curiosities
  • 1 Points
  • 05:24:58, 10 August

> They want a very specific looking woman that the type of guys who go to clubs will want to buy drinks for

Why not presume that a group of women out together will, I don't know, buy drinks for themselves/the group (especially if it's a birthday) and not wait around for men to buy?

Last I checked, we're perfectly capable of spending our own money on drinks, and these club people shouldn't be stuck in the '50s with their assumptions. They're just losing business.

  • [-]
  • woopwooppoowpoow
  • 11 Points
  • 05:49:52, 10 August

Because women who specifically seek getting in for free will not pay for themselves. At least in this situation.

In general though, because they are not trying to attract those women (financially stable). They might pay, but not overpay.

On the other hand mix attractive women looking for a sugar daddy and rich men looking for attractive women who know their place in this social game and you got yourself a money well. The men will overpay to impress far more than 2 financially stable, but conservative people would.

  • [-]
  • Curiosities
  • 2 Points
  • 06:32:15, 10 August

> Because women who specifically seek getting in for free will not pay for themselves. At least in this situation.

Honestly, getting in for free would make me personally spend more inside, because I wouldn't have to count a cover in my budget for the night.

But I am no club expert. I have only gone a handful of times. My friends and I tend to go to restaurants or lounges, and yes, mostly pay for our own food and drinks or even treat one another.

  • [-]
  • woopwooppoowpoow
  • 4 Points
  • 06:43:55, 10 August

Well you are not the average club goer. The average club goer is very young and thus extremely thrifty and poor.

It's very popular for teenagers to pre-drink, then go to a club and then just dance and then leave. Go to a shop, get a beer, chill. Then go to a new club. Rinse repeat.

Clubs know this and thus need to keep you inside somehow long enough so you buy drinks. And therefore you have the entry tax. This keeps you more likely to stay in one place and you will eventually end up being thirsty. And so they can make their money.

I actually preffer entry covers and reasonable priced drinks. Usually free entry places have outrageous prices OR have extremely shitty cocktails and a very young demographic.

  • [-]
  • Curiosities
  • 2 Points
  • 07:02:28, 10 August

I grew up poor and know how to maximize experiences like that, but while I have loved clubs for dancing and music, there are also lot of dudes that are aggressively persistent and/or will outright grab and sexually assault you (has happened before, and then had to slip out ASAP because dude was following everywhere - that was the one time I let a guy buy me a drink, because it gave me time to get the fuck out). That experience kind of ended it for me.

I find many things about club culture to be shitty, including the original attitude that I mentioned driving this, as if women lack spending power.

  • [-]
  • lbspredh
  • 1 Points
  • 14:58:09, 10 August

or maybe the guy was just doing his friend a favor and getting free entry for as many of her group as he could, but would have had a hard time getting the club management to let in people who apparently don't fit their aesthetic, any pay that guy is getting is certain to not be from giving free entry to be people, but yeah fuck him right?

  • [-]
  • -e----
  • 23 Points
  • 23:51:35, 9 August

You are neither fat nor ugly, but definitely were not dressed for a club (especially one with a $50 cover). In my experience you don't have to be particularly pretty or skinny to get in most places, but you do have to go all out on the club "look."

I think it's fun to put on makeup and clothes I could never wear during normal hours and get free drinks, but if it's not for you then don't take the rejection personally and move on.

That said, the bouncer and your friend were super rude.

  • [-]
  • peglegs
  • 16 Points
  • 21:29:48, 9 August

fuck bullshit club culture... honestly.

  • [-]
  • allthecats
  • 3 Points
  • 05:11:34, 10 August

Seriously, what kind of people feel good in places like that? I've never understood it. Shitty music, shitty drinks, shitty people.

  • [-]
  • DC-85
  • 2 Points
  • 07:18:48, 10 August

Plenty of people do. I get dragged along from time to time and while it's not really my thing, I usually manage to enjoy myself, but I also know that I simply won't get into some places because I'm not much better than average looking. Doesn't bother me. Shouldn't bother all these other people, but it does for some reason.

  • [-]
  • Akeera
  • 7 Points
  • 23:49:46, 9 August

A second what a lot of people are saying about friends sticking together, but at the very least she (or someone) should've suggested splitting it 7 ways (or 6 to exclude the birthday girl) so at least the promoter/bouncer wouldn't get in trouble and everyone could get in equally for $15-17.

Still a shitty thing for the bouncer/promoter to single you two out, though.

  • [-]
  • MyNameIsJake01
  • 5 Points
  • 22:52:08, 9 August

You're beautiful! Those assholes can piss in a light socket.

  • [-]
  • KoolKids_Klub
  • 6 Points
  • 05:20:26, 10 August

As someone who grew up in New York, I promise you, 99.99999999% of the people in that party/club/whateverthefuckitis are absolutely terrible human beings in every possible way.

It took me 10 years of living away from NYC just to start going to see live music again, because I was stunned to learn that it was possible to go out for a night on the town without getting harassed by cops, attacked by other concert goers, getting your car towed from a legal spot, etc...

Most of the people in that city are really, really, really bad people.

Get out and move somewhere actually fun before it's too late.

  • [-]
  • adagirlshel
  • 4 Points
  • 00:23:47, 10 August

Does this shit really happen!?! I do think you need a better class of friends.

  • [-]
  • tjwallin
  • 13 Points
  • 22:33:01, 9 August

I disagree with the promoter's characterization of you as "fat and ugly." However, I do think your outrage is a little misguided. You mention that your friend is attractive and has "open doors" for her because of her looks. Shouldn't it bother you in principle that your friend's sex appeal is giving you any sort of benefits?

Why is it a bad thing to treat someone as a paying costumer (and charge them a cover like everyone else) because they're not attractive, but ok to give someone free stuff (no cover+bottle service) solely on the basis that she is attractive? It seems either case reduces the individual to an object.

  • [-]
  • scalesandtails
  • 12 Points
  • 17:29:53, 9 August

You aren't fat or ugly. Wtf. I'm Going to guess the outfit was the deslbreaker? Or this place tries way too hard to be "exclusive" so they come up with whatever hurtful excuse they can think of.

I have an actually fat friend that we can't take to clubs with us. But he's like 400 lbs and has a hard time finding club clothes in his size. Nothing at all like you based on that picture.

  • [-]
  • SuicideNote
  • 13 Points
  • 21:39:11, 9 August

I would definitely say the outfit was the main deal-breaker and the bouncer thought 'fat' means does not fit with club promoters looks policy--I don't think most bouncers know how to be nice. Places like Miami and Manhattan expect certain types of clothing to get in.

Not saying it's right, though.

  • [-]
  • rasputincatthing
  • 1 Points
  • 04:31:44, 10 August

But it's a cute outfit. It's cute!!! I don't get it.

I would be grossed out that my friend still wanted to go into that place of I were OP.

  • [-]
  • alabasterwilliams
  • 3 Points
  • 22:12:46, 9 August

I would say that guy is fucking clown shoes for being a shallow douche. Your friend is fucking clown shoes for not switching venues due to "reservations" for, from what I understand, a free evening out. And finally, I think you're a foxxy roxxy, and anyone who says otherwise has a very skewed sense of beauty.

Go get you some new friends. By the by, that's a rockin outfit.

  • [-]
  • thehumungus
  • 4 Points
  • 00:37:09, 10 August

The whole point is to seem cool and exclusive. You have to pick on some people so everyone that does get in feels like they are better than other people. Even if the inside of the club is completely bare, you don't let people in, so a line forms outside so the club looks desirable and people who do get let in feel superior to others forced to wait.

It's why clubs like this absolutely suck unless you're a completely shallow person.

  • [-]
  • word_corrector_bot
  • 4 Points
  • 07:58:44, 10 August

There is a saying, "If You're Not Paying for It You're the Product". That promoter is paying your friends with free drinks to prostitute their sexiness to get people to come in and spend money. I wonder if your friends even realize their appearance is being used for that?

I'm very sex positive in my beliefs and I don't care if they do. They should know what is happening though.

I'm glad you all decided to not go there in the end. You were there to have a good time with your friends, not to have your sex-appeal sold on a schedule someone else set.

  • [-]
  • theycallmejj
  • 14 Points
  • 18:11:15, 9 August

They are not your friends.

  • [-]
  • ZeroDagger
  • 7 Points
  • 20:06:18, 9 August

She doesn't sounds like a very good friend. Do you really need her in your life?

  • [-]
  • gone-out-to-see
  • 5 Points
  • 23:19:26, 9 August

Two things:

  1. Ew. Who goes to Times Square to party anyway? Tourists. Why would you want to hang out in some overpriced, ridiculous place overrun with tourists? There are a million and one better places to hang out in NYC (I'm a native--trust me on this one).

  2. Your friend Maria is a shitty friend. And you're a babe. If I were your friend, I would have left immediately, no questions asked. I'd rethink that friendship for sure.

  • [-]
  • stopgo42
  • 8 Points
  • 19:08:29, 9 August

You aren't even close to fat (and I love your skirt!). These places suck...just seen and be seen places that really aren't that fun..at all. The fact that this was in fucking TIMES SQUARE and they have the audacity to act like they're some high-end club in Meatpacking makes the whole thing even more laughable. Fuck the club, and honestly fuck your friends for going :(

  • [-]
  • akromas_vengeance
  • 4 Points
  • 23:38:00, 9 August

The fact that high end clubs exist somewhere that is called "Meatpacking" is what I find befuddling.

  • [-]
  • FreeCookies6
  • 9 Points
  • 18:01:14, 9 August

You're not fat or ugly. You look great, and I think your outfit is fabulous. It sounds like your friend just picked a really phony stuck-up place to have her birthday. And Times Square? How cliche is that?? Ew. As much as this experience must have sucked, I think you should take it as an impetus to start looking for some new friends who are more down-to-earth and like activities that are more in line with your own interests. Try meetup.com or joining a gym or something, depending on what you like to do.

  • [-]
  • AliceWroteThis
  • 3 Points
  • 00:56:27, 10 August

This kind of bs is the reason I left the entertainment industry. That and I hated everyone I worked with.

Vapid.

Sorry lady, that sounds super lame.

  • [-]
  • VerySurprising
  • 6 Points
  • 19:36:25, 9 August

This was a pretty shitty story already. Then I clicked the image and thought it was a joke because you look amazing. I agree with other comments, it was probably the dress that didn't fit in with the 'club' style (but still looks good in a creative way and I suspect would have its place in more of a daytime setting).

About the friends, I dunno. It's up to you whether you think they deserve forgiveness or not. I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation. On one hand, as others have said, what they did was undeniably horrible. On the other hand, they probably had their adrenaline pumping and were so entranced in the excitement that despite knowing it was wrong to leave you they just couldn't resist because they wanted to go into the club so badly. I guess if it were me I'd only forgive them after a heartfelt apology in which they recognized that what they did was wrong and seemed genuinely sorry.

  • [-]
  • kahrismatic
  • 7 Points
  • 20:10:38, 9 August

I wouldn't consider someone who ditched me like that to be a friend personally. That's a super shitty thing to do.

Your outfit is super cute by the way. It's definitely the clubs problem, not yours.

  • [-]
  • gtfolmao
  • 7 Points
  • 04:03:11, 10 August

I don't think it's cause he thought you were fat or ugly.. I'm sure if you showed up dressed in a club dress and heels you would have been fine. Maybe your friend could have been more clear on what sort of attire would be appropriate for a club. That's a cute outfit for a regular for the day time or even just a casual dinner but I'm not surprised that a strict, $50-cover type of club wouldn't let you in for free in that. Not that that makes the situation or the people any less shitty, I'm just saying... it's not really about your physical looks.

  • [-]
  • cherryphoenix
  • 11 Points
  • 18:41:21, 9 August

As a fat lady, TIL I can't go to clubs without paying extra

  • [-]
  • ttttttrowaway
  • 12 Points
  • 03:38:00, 10 August

Just saying but in literally the same sentence where you complain about being critiqued on your looks you call the guy a "Ratty-faced Jean-Ralphio lookalike". Don't get me wrong the guy was an arsehole but don't stoop to his level.

  • [-]
  • crimineaux
  • 6 Points
  • 17:58:38, 9 August

Fuck that place and that guy! Seriously, how shitty and stupid can you be? I'm so annoyed on your behalf, OP. I'm also annoyed that your friends didn't immediately say 'Fuck this place, none of us are supporting idiotic policies like that.'

Aside from that fact that policies like that shouldn't even exist anyway, you look great to me. Not fat or unattractive at all.

  • [-]
  • GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS
  • 11 Points
  • 18:17:52, 9 August

In the interest of context and fairness, I should point out that half of the people in the group were strangers (Maria's sorority sisters from upstate NY, who were exactly the type of people who go to places like that) and the other half were more sympathetic to me and the other girl who were excluded. It sucked, but those six sorority girls came all the way to the city to party and really had no investment in my getting in, so... whatever.

  • [-]
  • psycho_tron
  • 13 Points
  • 19:58:47, 9 August

They still sound like really shitty people.

It doesn't matter that they didn't really know you, who would even want to go somewhere once they'd witnessed others in their group being turned away for being 'fat and ugly'...? I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself in there after that.

I think you looked lovely and not even remotely overweight (not that it should matter if you were).

  • [-]
  • spazmodial
  • 3 Points
  • 06:04:48, 10 August

I also think that people who would happily cut off their friends friend, even if they don't know that person, aren't being very good friends to the person they know in the first place.

I really wish OP would stop standing up for bad friend behaviour. None of this means you should stop hanging out with these people - but you should really let Maria (if she's supposed to be a good friend of yours) know that what she did was shitty.

  • [-]
  • Iamnotarobot1212
  • 4 Points
  • 19:16:13, 9 August

You look beautiful wtf.

  • [-]
  • yerlitzer
  • 6 Points
  • 19:41:04, 9 August

Hey you nothing close to overweight and you have a real nice complexion and hair. Sorry those doches made you feel bad about yourself. You should go to a nice laid-back bar with good music and good friends and have a really nice time to spite them.

  • [-]
  • peacekitty
  • 8 Points
  • 17:32:58, 9 August

That is so absolutely disgusting. Tell it in yelp in a bad review! That sick place and sick fuck bouncer. I would never have gone in just like you didn't.

  • [-]
  • GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS
  • 19 Points
  • 17:57:54, 9 August

Oh, there are already so many terrible Yelp reviews. I'd just be adding to the pile. I'll probably do it anyway, though, just because of how angry I was.

  • [-]
  • thefantasticmsfox
  • 3 Points
  • 17:44:47, 9 August

I agree; OP, you should shit-talk this place online so hard! What a sleaze factory.

  • [-]
  • Numerareergosum
  • 2 Points
  • 23:33:44, 9 August

My only comment is that I think you look great, and don't let other people's skewed images of "beauty" affect how you think about yourself. And I'm glad you didn't give them your money. Go take a real friend out to dinner instead or something. Pfft.

  • [-]
  • sonia72quebec
  • 2 Points
  • 01:47:16, 10 August

I wish I was young and pretty like you again. I have a question, what happened to the other that "had" to pay 50$ ?

  • [-]
  • arinn
  • 2 Points
  • 02:25:05, 10 August

that is so shitty!! first off, you look like a completely average-sized person, and secondly, that is no way to treat someone, even if they were larger!! it sucks that your friend valued the reservations over the feelings of you & the other girl who didn't get to go in. an acceptable substitute would be for everyone to pool their money equally so that they shared the cost of you guys going in, but it was so brutal that they ditched you for that club full of jerks!!

  • [-]
  • Hello_nerds
  • 1 Points
  • 07:23:37, 10 August

He called you fat?! From the picture you posted you are not fat. What an asshole. And your friend didn't handle it too well either. If I'm going out for my birthday with my friends, they're all getting in and being treated equally, or else we're going somewhere else. That club didn't deserve your money, I'm glad you didn't go in.

  • [-]
  • eatalltheicecream
  • 2 Points
  • 07:47:01, 10 August

You're beautiful. Seriously, don't overthink it. Your outfit, though very cute, prob just wasn't clubby enough. I've seen gorgeous girls get turned away from clubs for not wearing heels, and not-so-pretty women get in for showing enough skin.

  • [-]
  • pajamaway
  • 2 Points
  • 07:52:45, 10 August

I don't care how many people she's trying to please or how sweet and naive she is. Your friend Maria is not a good friend.

  • [-]
  • sunnydaize
  • 3 Points
  • 08:14:56, 10 August

Hi! I live in Brooklyn. And I work at a cocktail bar in Brooklyn. These guys were on a money grab. Your friend is a piece of shit for allowing that to happen. And you are beautiful, not fat, and should talk shit and or knee someone in the nuts if they are in a position of power and say otherwise.

  • [-]
  • KittenImmaculate
  • 2 Points
  • 09:40:58, 10 August

You're not fat nor ugly. I think they were basing their decision off too strict a dress code perhaps and told you in the least nice way possible. I've never been to a club like that for a reason. I'm glad you didn't end up continuing the party there but I wish your friend had immediately said no, we're leaving.

  • [-]
  • bungeeman
  • 1 Points
  • 13:58:06, 10 August

I don't know if this is a cultural thing (and I know this isn't a gender thing) but where I'm from, in the UK, if I'm on a night out and one of our group doesn't get in (be that a male of a female friend) then none of us go in. And if some arsehole called one of my friends fat and ugly I'd at the very least be giving him a piece of my mind. I don't care whether or not its my birthday. These people are supposed to be your friends. Why don't they have your back?

  • [-]
  • Svataben
  • 4 Points
  • 19:44:08, 9 August
  • They broke agreement with your friend (considering they hadn't made any prior remarks on weight etc.) Your friend owed them nothing.

  • Your friend is a fgyjvghkbhjkbhjkvgyhj... I can't even. The fact that she didn't tell that guy to stick it the second he uttered his bs, is beyond me.

  • You're not fat, and you look lovely. Nothing in this is your fault.

  • [-]
  • twobitstomorrow
  • 4 Points
  • 04:55:54, 10 August

Just for the record...she knows. Even former ugly club members know.

The self effacing act...is just an act.

  • [-]
  • BeardsuptheWazoo
  • 3 Points
  • 21:27:45, 9 August

First of all, thats bullshit. That person is not a good friend to you. I know she was in a tight spot and it was awkward for her, but she still acted shitty. ......second, you look great. Honest. And I like that outfit. Regardless, your friend shouldn't have done it even if you were heavy. ...sorry that happened. Big hugs.

  • [-]
  • tittytittysnack
  • 1 Points
  • 22:26:04, 9 August

As a guy: dont worry you look good the promoter is just a dumb ass (like most promoters unfortunately).

  • [-]
  • ProN00b
  • 2 Points
  • 23:09:09, 9 August

Wtf, you don't look fat or ugly at all.

The banana yellow skirt might not have been the best choice but even that isn't not let you in worthy.

I have mixed feelings about the friend. I think I'd say fuck no and leave, but it's not a complete betrayal if she had reservations and whatnot as long as she makes it up to you.

  • [-]
  • CoffeeCup101
  • 2 Points
  • 18:54:27, 9 August

I can't even imagine the nerve somebody would have to say something like that. He must have never been taught how to feel good about himself if he feels the need act like that which, in a way, makes me feel sorry for him rather than mad (though if I were you i would have been pissed as all hell).

I have to admit, when I saw you attached a picture I expected something way worse; like maybe not dressed appropriately for a "high class" club. But you look BEAUTIFUL and not even in the REALM of fat. I love you hair and you look very put together. Seriously, some guy's unwarranted opinion of you is worth jack shit and good for you for not putting up with it. You rock girl, keep on doin you.

  • [-]
  • addtothebeauty
  • 5 Points
  • 21:29:51, 9 August

You are stunning. And I really love your hair.

  • [-]
  • tenebrar
  • 5 Points
  • 00:48:31, 10 August

This is a bit of a tangent.

A decade ago I was dating a very artsy, liberal, humanist, and for lack of a better description 'hippy' kind of girl. We both enjoyed discussions and debates a lot (well, I always do, but this time so did she.) She once asked me to, as an exercise, look at the covers of women's magazines at cashier checkouts and try to imagine what the images on the covers alone presented as expectations for all the women that were in my life, and how those expectations were reinforced over and over every day by all kinds of media.

It was a good exercise, really stuck with me, but being honest with myself I've never managed to completely internalize its lesson. It always comes back and sneaks up on me, like here with your post. Society really fucks with a woman's self-image to an amazing degree. The image I had constructed in my head reading your post as compared to the image you posted goes to show how much society skews how women see themselves. N.D., if you happen to end up reading this, know that you're still impressing me ten years later with that exercise.

As an aside (though in response to the primary point of your post,) good for you for standing up for your principles. To hell with people who think the value of a person can be accurately judged with a glance.

  • [-]
  • rabbitz80
  • 2 Points
  • 01:25:49, 10 August

I don't understand it either, even clubs which are considered 'high class' are just sticky-floored shitholes once you're inside. There are no high-class nightclubs, just no such thing.

$50 to listen to their shitty music, drink their crappy drinks. I have no concept of why people want to do that.

  • [-]
  • imawomanxx
  • 4 Points
  • 04:28:39, 10 August

There are plenty of high class clubs, just because you've never been to one doesn't mean they don't exist. They most certainly aren't letting random people off the street in with bottle service for free either. I've been in a "high class" club in vegas and it was a minimum 10k for a table. You want true high class you have to pay for it.

  • [-]
  • ReasonReader
  • 1 Points
  • 14:05:46, 10 August

> I've been in a "high class" club in vegas

No, you haven't. You've been in an expensive club in Vegas. Vegas is utterly bereft of class.

Source: I've had to go to that bizarre little adult disneyland for far too many trade shows in my career.

  • [-]
  • RichieRich313
  • 2 Points
  • 06:16:11, 10 August

Sorry, but this is East Coast culture in all it's glory. If you don't want to be judged openly, competitively, and superficially....don't go to a fucking club in Manhattan. In fact, you can probably stay away from any densely populated place in New England. Try the West Coast, we're a lot nicer.

Edit: I'm not nice, but collectively the West Coast is.

  • [-]
  • pollygolightly
  • 5 Points
  • 04:09:03, 10 August

Your friends chose a bar that gives them a ton of validation for being pretty - it's a superficial place for superficial people. You posted on this forum with a picture of yourself so you could hear from a bunch of internet strangers that you aren't fat an ugly.

To be honest, you and your friends have very similar motives: getting validation on looks from others.

Your friend is superficial, and you shouldn't hang out with her anymore. However, also examine yourself - don't go to others for validation about your appearance, or you might become as vacuous as she is.

  • [-]
  • CrapplesauceMaDo
  • 4 Points
  • 07:00:00, 10 August

I've been running exclusive clubs in NYC for years. I like doing management and operations in hospitality and I like getting paid. That means I end up in trendy spots that can afford me.

It took me a long time to come to this, but here’s the thing – clubs are specifically places you can go with your friends where some of the element of surprise is taken out. I’ve been lucky in that most of the places I work not only screen people without fashion sense, but people who look like they want to fight, touch women, or generally be asshats. In clubs the crowd is curated – hence the word “club.”

There are many, many people who think seeing twelve girls doing a bachelorette party with penis hats, “getting crazy,” is hilarious and fun. Some people, however, don’t feel that way. Sometimes even the people who do feel that way are not in the mood for it. The only way to guarantee they don’t have to see it is if there’s some jerk at the door stopping them.

As far as fashion goes, if you feel like H&M has all you need to look cute there are thousands of bars in NYC where guys in khaki pants and blue button-up shirts will stand in line to buy you drinks.

Fashion is more than just a means to feel elitist, it’s a tool to find people who are like-minded.

To all of the people saying they'd never want to go to a place like that, yes, they know that and they are counting on you not wanting to go there. If you’re getting turned away you just haven’t gotten the hint. If a place is successful there’s a good chance they know what you want and they don’t have it because they don’t want you - at least in your current state.

I recently listened to a guy tell me we really needed to put a cold cut sandwich on the menu for guys like him. He was an overweight guy in his 50’s wearing faded jeans and an Izod shirt from the 90’s. For some reason he felt his lack of self-awareness was actually an oversight on our part.

And look, though, just because they don’t want you in the room today, it doesn’t mean anyone thinks they’re better than you. Some people can just read a room and set a scene where people can come to meet like-minded people. And it’s not about money. In most of the places I’ve worked we can spot a Wall Street douche from a mile away. If we really need their money and they aren’t too bad, we’ll take them to the “super-special VIP area” where no one can see them and we can bill the crap out of them. Spoiler: almost every successful club in the city has one of these places. Those guys bring down the room as quickly as anyone.

It’s just about what you want to convey and how well you’re pulling it off. If you feel fashion is a waste of time, don’t be surprised when you get turned away. The whole world doesn’t exist to make you feel good all the time and you don’t belong in every room dressed however you want to be dressed.

Have you ever walked into a bar and thought to yourself, “Was this place designed by a lawyer?” It takes more than just a cooler full of beer to make a fun place to hang out, and if you think you have a knack for it despite never having done it, you are wrong. It is a very subtle and difficult skill to develop and even people who do it very well usually have a few failures under their belts. Despite what you might think, Danny Meyer, Keith McNally, André Balazs, etc. aren’t where they are because of their mass appeal. They have a deep understanding of all the ways in which a tone can be set in a room. Light, music, staffing, beverages, food, design, and even the people, all contribute to you having a unique experience that will sustain a business.

  • [-]
  • ReasonReader
  • 1 Points
  • 14:03:04, 10 August

Do you have any idea just how douchey you sound?

  • [-]
  • JinanReddit
  • 1 Points
  • 14:46:18, 10 August

So let me clarify what your long winded post is about...

You think that she shouldn't be allowed into that club or any club for that matter, because you judge from her "H&M" clothes that she just isn't fashion minded enough to mix with the other exclusive clientele.

In fact your entire post seems to burst with humble brags about yourself. You seem to consider yourself as the expert on club aesthetics while simultaneously criticising the OP.

Well, I'm just not impressed with how you treat others at all. I'd love to see how you're doing in 20-30 years.

  • [-]
  • iburneddowngsa
  • 2 Points
  • 21:06:24, 9 August

That's not what I was expecting when I clicked the link. You're giving me young kate middleton

  • [-]
  • recycledartgirl
  • 2 Points
  • 21:46:44, 9 August

Besides that, do you really want to be included with people who act like that and exclude you? They probably had a shitty time without you and are regretting their decision this morning. I wouldn't waste my time hanging out with people who don't want to hang out with me, but that's me. Go find some new friends.

  • [-]
  • whatovit
  • 2 Points
  • 22:21:24, 9 August

> I'm not even that fat

But...you're not even fat at all. I don't even understand...

  • [-]
  • Blackcurrant_Bubbles
  • 2 Points
  • 22:46:10, 9 August

If I'd been your friend I'd have told the fucknut where to stick his invite. You look lovely.

  • [-]
  • kytai
  • 2 Points
  • 23:05:27, 9 August

If folks had wanted to stay, everyone should have split the $100 cover evenly. I definitely agree with not wanting to go though- ugh!

  • [-]
  • milestonex
  • 1 Points
  • 00:49:01, 10 August

you look like a regular woman. :D

  • [-]
  • lanadelrage
  • 1 Points
  • 01:13:01, 10 August

I know this isn't the point, but you are super cute and I love your hair and your skirt. Don't change a thing.

  • [-]
  • alittleweird44444
  • 1 Points
  • 01:20:39, 10 August

Oh hell, girl, you are NOT fat, that dude was an asshole.

  • [-]
  • FatMinton
  • 2 Points
  • 09:36:01, 10 August

All the comments are saying how you're not fat and ugly. And you're not, but he never said you were in your story. He never called anyone ugly and never actually called anyone fat though it is possible he thought the other girl was. It could also be his particular rules that he spouts verbatim - "fat or not wearing heels" which I do find gross but that's clubs for you.

Sounded to me like you weren't wearing heels

  • [-]
  • GETSOMEFUCKINGNUTS
  • 3 Points
  • 09:52:52, 10 August

I was wearing heels.

  • [-]
  • permanent-throwaways
  • 2 Points
  • 23:22:56, 9 August

I don't get this, and the responses kind of show me that people in Reddit (maybe because it's the Internet) are kind of out of touch with the world.

YES, it can be kind of important that you look good for a club. For a club to only want interesting or beautiful people inside is not some gross travesty of justice or some horrible form of discrimination. White girl problems? First world feminism?

Notice how I said interesting also. Andy Warhol or some other eccentric celebrity. They're not all so great looking, but they've somehow gained celebrity status.

>"I can only take the five prettiest girls. You, you, you, you, and you are fine, but if you're fat or not wearing heels, you have to pay the $50 cover."

Were you wearing heels?

"Promoters" to my knowledge are just sleazy guys who frequent clubs. They don't own the club; they just attract business for the club through their social network, don't they?

All places are like this, and it also applies to men. Do you think they let in a bunch of ugly dudes for free?

> I just don't understand how you can actually have fun at a place that prides itself on excluding people on the basis of their appearance.

People have fun at these places because they don't care and wait in line and pay the cover.

Or, they get a free pass and feel smug and good about themselves because they were one of the cool and beautiful people.

And it's a bit naive of you to think that your appearance won't matter if you're going clubbing in New York or L.A.

I just don't see twoXchromosomes as being this high-point of feminism if it's going to be filled with stuff like this.

Does anyone else feel that it's kind of a weakness when women get so overly concerned about how they look? Everyone wants to be beautiful (even macho men, although they don't express as much as women), but as a mature adult you accept many things about yourself and the world and stop being so bothered by such things.

  • [-]
  • AndDrankAllTheBeer
  • 6 Points
  • 01:18:51, 10 August

I wouldn't say that 2X is aiming to be a "high-point of feminism." This isn't r/feminists. This is a place for women to share stories and accomplishments, get support from other users, etc.

  • [-]
  • moogieboogie82
  • 4 Points
  • 01:14:43, 10 August

The post says that OP's friend had made previous arrangements with the club and she was supposed to be allowed to go in for free with her friends.

  • [-]
  • permanent-throwaways
  • 2 Points
  • 06:36:46, 10 August

Yeah, this is where people on the Internet don't really know much about the world.

The "promoter" is not really a permanent staff-member of the club. He's just someone who's temporarily hired by the club to get people to show up and it goes without saying that they need to be beautiful and glamorous looking.

I met a "promoter" who was just a dude who knew a lot of pretty ladies on a superficial level and went clubbing a lot.

So I doubt whatever "previous arrangements" was with the club. It was with the promoter who is just a dude who goes clubbing for a living. In a way he's just a step above someone who passes our flyers or free-passes to the club on the street.

  • [-]
  • Muttbag
  • 6 Points
  • 23:46:34, 9 August

Spot on. As soon as I read the title and Manhattan I knew exactly what the club would be like and what she would be like. People seem surprised?! Truly out of touch.

  • [-]
  • Diesel-66
  • 3 Points
  • 03:48:09, 10 August

exactly. Oh no you had to pay the entrance fee that everyone else pays.

  • [-]
  • Waterrat
  • 2 Points
  • 01:01:37, 10 August

Your not fat. You look fine. Don't let assholes like that make you feel bad about yourself. I'd also be finding some new friends.

  • [-]
  • turningsteel
  • 2 Points
  • 05:07:44, 10 August

Ok disclaimer, I'm a guy that randomly clicked on this cos it came up on the front page but...This is fucking stupid. You're obviously not fat and honestly pretty good looking, though it would help if you weren't wearing the glasses and we could see your face. But my point is...I have a hard time believing this. You're an attractive person, you may not fit whatever "image" that douche bag was going for, but seriously fuck him. You look good, you should feel good and if it were me, I wouldn't pay 50 bucks to get into a club either. Hold your head up high.

  • [-]
  • hino_rei
  • 2 Points
  • 20:36:21, 9 August

Your outfit's hella cute. You're not fat. People are douchebags.

  • [-]
  • thehumungus
  • 1 Points
  • 00:39:07, 10 August

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmiVlyAfTnw

  • [-]
  • Emmalouwho2
  • 0 Points
  • 01:48:15, 10 August

You looked absolutely wonderful! What an asshole. :/

He sounds like the woooooooooooooOoOOOrst.

  • [-]
  • oanna
  • 1 Points
  • 03:33:15, 10 August

Jesus, if you are fat, then... I do not know...I think I need new glasses.

That guy just seems like an asshole. wtf, I bet all girls were pretty, he was just getting a power trip

  • [-]
  • Lawtonfogle
  • 2 Points
  • 04:14:52, 10 August

At a club, some people are the product, others are the customer. Given this bit of knowledge, being allowed in for free or being forced to pay $50 are both wrong in two separate ways. This is why I avoid any club that has a policy of charging different groups of people different.

  • [-]
  • catchaway007
  • 0 Points
  • 05:12:19, 10 August

You look good your only problem is you just have cunts for friends.

  • [-]
  • [deleted]
  • 0 Points
  • 05:20:38, 10 August

Fuck em. You go in your sparkly top thingy ma jig

  • [-]
  • eeeez
  • 1 Points
  • 05:42:34, 10 August

I'm just going to say that it's easy to feel bad but don't even waste your biological molecules thinking twice about it. you're gorgeous and im not saying that just to make you feel better. its true. it's a stupid moment that should've never happened in your life. that guy just wanted to feel "elite" and important for a few minutes.

  • [-]
  • redditor1255
  • 0 Points
  • 07:02:13, 10 August

You look fine. You don't look fat at all.

Also, you're outfit looks like something Iggy Azalea might wear. Source

The bouncer just has bad taste.

  • [-]
  • minalear
  • 1 Points
  • 07:32:19, 10 August

I don't... I don't understand some people's definitions of "fat" and "ugly". Thank god you didn't give that creep your business.

  • [-]
  • dbzltm
  • 1 Points
  • 07:33:06, 10 August

Jesus! If you are fat and ugly then I am a monster!

To hell with those elitist pricks.

  • [-]
  • zombiethrow
  • 1 Points
  • 07:43:42, 10 August

Fuck Maria.

  • [-]
  • Bear_Ear_Fritters
  • 2 Points
  • 08:25:13, 10 August

1) You look awesome 2) Sounds like a TERRIBLE club 3) Your friend was out of line. She should have told ratty bouncer to go fuck himself and taken you all somewhere fun

  • [-]
  • pineapplesforever
  • 1 Points
  • 08:31:49, 10 August

what the actual fuck you're not fat at all you are a healthy weight!! that's seriously insulting just irks me! I'm so glad you didn't go!

  • [-]
  • stuckwiththisname
  • 1 Points
  • 09:19:54, 10 August

Wow if your considered fat, than I must be obese! Fuck them!

  • [-]
  • KansasComet
  • 1 Points
  • 09:31:41, 10 August

There's no way you look fat!

  • [-]
  • dandysan
  • 1 Points
  • 10:13:47, 10 August

You dress like me and you look basically the same size as me (and I'm a US 0 to 2 just really short!). I totally blame the venue because I always get complimented on my personal style!

  • [-]
  • grshirley
  • 1 Points
  • 10:50:44, 10 August

The bouncer/promoter was an idiot. You're very pretty. Your "friend" should have told the guy its an all or one package and gone elsewhere straightaway.

You would have had more fun somewhere other than "club douche" anyway!

  • [-]
  • gkiltz
  • 1 Points
  • 11:55:39, 10 August

So, if you wear makeup and Spanx, what happens then?

  • [-]
  • Sailingblueseas
  • 1 Points
  • 12:26:16, 10 August

Girl you look great!!!

  • [-]
  • lulzgamer101
  • 1 Points
  • 12:49:26, 10 August

I have been denied entry to clubs all over the world because I have little fashion sense, so welcome to the club. People are rude as hell about it too, mocking my clothes, laughing. Clubs are the most pretentious shitty places you will ever find. You are not fat/ugly, the problem was neon yellow doesn't match grey. These are but clothes, you put different ones on and you then turn heads and they beg you to get into their club. Just be thankful you can do this, as a dude, I will always have to pay a cover.

  • [-]
  • ready_to_be_strong
  • 1 Points
  • 12:50:57, 10 August

I don't know why bouncers of whoever is at the front door for these pretentious places think they want to get a power trip by judging people and turning some away. I was once at the entrance of a packed nightclub in chicago, and the bouncer/gatekeeper kept making everyone wait for like 20-30 min, and there was a group of ladies waiting outside to join a birthday party inside that he said 'sorry we can't allow you in'. One of the women asked him why and said she was there to join her friend's birthday celebration, and the guy says 'you wouldn't want to know why'. She got visibly upset (and rightly so) and took a few pictures or even a video of him being a dick, then said she was a journalist and would love to write about this type of discrimination. We were ushered in at that point, but in all honesty I wanted to not go inside this effing place at all. It's been a few years but I still remember the incident and I hope the lady actually took action against the club for allowing its employees to treat its clients like shit. I am sorry this happened to you. Just remember that it's one human being going on a power trip by judging another's appearance, and it doesn't make you any of the things she said. You are neither fat nor ugly. She sounds like a horribly insecure person and your friend sounds like a horrible person for actually asking you to pay. If it was me, I'd just say, fuck it, this place sounds obnoxious, let's go somewhere else.

  • [-]
  • katrionatronica
  • 1 Points
  • 13:15:53, 10 August

what? I was expecting an obese person. you look gorgeous. Those guys are utter wankers.

  • [-]
  • ReasonReader
  • 1 Points
  • 13:30:10, 10 August

Maria blew it by not turning around and walking away from that douchenozzle club.

  • [-]
  • RedMountainMan
  • 1 Points
  • 13:32:33, 10 August

If I was there with you, I would've just suggested we blow this lame place and go eat dinner at waffle house so your beauty could be fully appreciated by all the WaHo drunkards. Actually, none of that would happen, because I found out early on that I hate clubs.

  • [-]
  • Leelluu
  • 1 Points
  • 13:51:41, 10 August

Fat by what fucking standard?! If I got down to 25 pounds heavier than you, I would be running around in short shorts and a halter celebrating!

  • [-]
  • beerbabe
  • 1 Points
  • 13:54:45, 10 August

You're beautiful. It's not you, it's some places in NYC. You didn't fit what they were looking for, and that's ok, they were just a jerk about it. They shouldn't be able to do that, but it happens all the time around here. You're not failing at being a woman. You're just "failing" at getting into shitty clubs, and I personally would be ok with that.

  • [-]
  • JimFancyPants
  • 1 Points
  • 14:04:54, 10 August

Way late here. I actually read a reply you posted somewhere else which made me find this. Just so you know I agree with the others here:.... You're a hottie..... And that dude was an elitist tard waffle. Funk a bunch of clubs ran like that.

  • [-]
  • ImDrunkThatsWhy
  • 1 Points
  • 14:11:00, 10 August

It's not you. Your friend sold you out for 50 bucks.

  • [-]
  • shunpoko
  • 1 Points
  • 14:20:25, 10 August

What the fuck kind of clubs do your "friends" go to where that outfit isn't acceptable? It's not skin tight but it's not jeans and a sweater, that promoter was just an asshole.

All the same, when I go to clubs where there is a dress code/hot girls only and I really wanna go there, I let my group know and really stress the dressing up part so we all get in. Your friend is incredibly naive but she should have taken care of you and your friend. Maybe reimburse you for any parking or cab rides you had taken to get there. You should still have a talk with her about why what she did wasn't okay, even if she didn't mean to be purposefully hurtful.

  • [-]
  • dulce_de_leche
  • 1 Points
  • 14:23:22, 10 August

I clicked the picture and I was expecting someone morbidly obese. You are attractive and not fat in the slightest! Based on his standards, I probably wouldn't be allowed in the club either!

What an absolute dickwad. I would certainly never pay $50 to enter his shitty, shallow, fake ass club. You probably would have had a lame night filled with overpriced drinks, annoying music and douchebag people.

EDIT: You should also totally post this review on Yelp and/or TripAdvisor.

  • [-]
  • Jbonesuarez
  • 1 Points
  • 14:30:39, 10 August

You're not fat or ugly and deserve to be treated like a person but I'm not with that sunglasses at night shit.

  • [-]
  • natadecoco1
  • 1 Points
  • 14:33:11, 10 August

Your "friend" had a couple of other choices. She could have left and gone to another club. If she was so invested in going to this club, she could have paid the $100 herself. Or, and this is what any nice, reasonable person that didn't have an extra hundred bucks would have done, she could have had that conversation with the bouncer and come back and said, "Okay! It's $100 for everyone to get in. Everyone give me $9 each and I'll pay," then handed the money to the bouncer and walked in without singling anyone out. Instead she came to you and your friend and made you feel like shit. I don't care about your defense of this woman, she made a deliberate choice to make you feel bad about yourself. Would you ever do that to someone? I can't imagine any situation I would be in where I would be willing to make one of my friends feel that way, NO MATTER WHAT. She's not sweet, she's a coward and probably pretty dim if her brain couldn't figure out that she had other options that would allow you to all get into the club without calling two of her friends fat and ugly.

Dump your friend, she sucks. And be thankful that you don't have the sort of style to get you into a Times Square club. Gag.

  • [-]
  • ginairick
  • 1 Points
  • 14:40:43, 10 August

I'm expecting downvotes for this, but suspend emotion for a few minutes and hear me out.

The most likely scenario is it was your outfit and nothing more. Most higher end clubs would not let you in in something like that because it looks like you got dressed in the dark. There are a few ways to make that color combination work, but it'd be a stretch. If you had paired that top with a darker skirt, ideally one a bit shorter, and either heels or a swanky pair of boots then you would have been fine. I assume you had more makeup on when you showed up at the club. If not, either a shimmery nude (think nude colors with some pop), or a dramatic look.

You already admitted you don't normally go to places like that so you had to improvise. That statement alone means you most likely didn't own a lot of club appropriate clothing. There's nothing wrong with that, but you have to understand that clubs set dress codes, either publicly or privately, and they do have the right to tell a person they can't come in. It's no secret that a lot of clubs have a set image they want for their guests. That doesn't always mean you need to be a 10, but you need to at least look presentable and fit the image they're going for.

Examples:

Trendy club catering to the rich 21-26 crowd. Everyone there is dressed in their best - we're talking high end clothing, well fitted, and flashy. You show up in slacks with a button down shirt and a nice cardigan. You will be turned away, even if your outfit cost a fortune.

Posh lounge catering to well off/rich older adults - 27-40 range. The dress code borders on black tie event level clothing. You're 21 and show up in a flashy tiny dress that barely covers your bottom, sky high heels, and makeup that would look more appropriate at the trendy club. Odds are, you'll be turned away or at least someone would suggest you tone it down a little.

And just for the contrast: Dive bar on the edge of the club district, caters to no age group. Dress code is 'who gives a crap, you're here to drink' - jeans, tshirts, sneakers. Everyone from frat boys to seasoned drinkers are sitting around warped tables drinking from questionably clean glasses. You show up in a formal outfit. They won't turn you away because there's probably no cover charge and no bouncer at the door, but believe me, you won't fit in and will likely attract the wrong kind of attention.

My point to the examples is - dress for the venue. Not all clubs are the same when it comes to dress codes. Some have high cover charges to discourage people who don't fit their image, while others have a moderate cover charge and just make decisions based on how you're dressed as you show up.

Is it fair? Not really. Is it rude? A little. Is it embarrassing for that person? Absolutely. A little more tact from both the promoter and your friend would have been appropriate. She could have at least gotten an idea about the dress code for there and given the group a heads up on what to wear.

  • [-]
  • lbspredh
  • 1 Points
  • 14:42:51, 10 August

theres no such thing as a free meal, the other girls get in free because they are basically a free advert to the venue

  • [-]
  • Ccallahan011
  • 1 Points
  • 15:21:17, 10 August

You are nowhere near fat, or ugly at all. This man just wants women who dress like models and are very tall and very thin. This not a failing you need to be concerned about, I promise you that.

  • [-]
  • extreme_prejudice
  • 1 Points
  • 15:31:30, 10 August

The right way of handling this would have been to have everyone split the cost of getting the rest of the party into the club. $50, $100, even $200 for several people, split a couple ways doesn't add up to much. We can stamp our feet in futile anger at the treatment of the promoter, but is anyone really surprised with that? I thought this sort of club culture behavior was well established, hence the reason most folks in this thread don't go clubbing. As someone that has watched my female friends and siblings not get into clubs based on their appearance, I can totally empathize, it hurts, so your rant is mostly valid from your perspective. I don't see your friends as being bad friends. I see a poorly planned and executed night on the town. There were alot of assumptions made prior to arriving at the club. This won't be the last time a good party goes wrong for you, or any of us, because of poor planning and wishful thinking. It doesn't need to lead to losing a good friend, and it doesn't mean you've failed as a woman. It's one night, one club. You'll get over it, and you, and your friends, will move past this.